Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found escort page Adultwork on husbands Ipad history after he was away on business

67 replies

DaisY20166 · 24/07/2016 13:20

I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My husband goes away on work occasionally and i was using his iPad to buy something for our baby that is on the way so I was looking in the history to find the name of the one thing I was looking at before his trip when I noticed that on the day he was alone as his flight got cancelled (it was actually cancelled not a lie) he went to a
Site called adultwork and looked up escorts in the local area. He looked at her profile and then her picture. Then after this site he googled different porn sites and videos. When I saw this I was disgusted and shocked. I have never ever doubted him in the ten years we have been together (married for 1.5 of those). So I searched Adultwork in his email and it turned out he registered 3 weeks after our wedding. When I went to the website it said his account was deactivated. I don't really care if he looks at porn, but escort sites are a whole different thing.

When I confronted him about it he initially lied and said he didn't know what I was talking about. Then admitted he was looking at porn, then finally admitted that sometimes he goes on that site (once a month) to look at the escorts as it is just something that is a fantasy or a bit dangerous and he knows he shouldn't be looking at it. I was distraught obviously as it doesn't look good that I had trouble getting A hold of him this trip and then the one day he is alone at a hotel he looks up a local escort. He said he was so sorry and he would never do anything like that and he never even thought about how it would look. And he would never want to lose me and it's just since I have been pregnant he goes online more because we aren't having sex as much as we normally do. But he registered on this site 3 weeks after our wedding, when I asked Him that he said he didn't know why he registered probably to just watch a video. I told him if I ever catch him on those sites again that is it. Do you think I am stupid for believing him? This is really out of his character to ever do anything like that and I do believe him but I just don't know if it's me being naive. He instantly deleted everything as he said he didn't want me to go
Mental looking at it and hurt the baby by being upset. No money has gone on any of our cards or anything. I have never been jealous or worried about this but now it is making me sick. He left on another short
Trip again and has a lot more coming up and it is stressing me out so much. I am not sure what to do.

OP posts:
newworldnow · 24/07/2016 17:44

It is obvious that he has been using prostitutes all through your marriage. He probably paid cash so check his atm withdrawals. I found out in a simiar way and believe it went on for 15 years. Would I have said it was out of character? yes.
You are being made a fool of. My dh at the time blamed me. They always do.

NameChange30 · 24/07/2016 19:00

"I really want to believe him."
Of course you do, that's the danger. That's why he doesn't have to make any effort with his bullshit lies, like the one about "accidentally" signing up, because you so desperately want to believe him that you will swallow anything.

"I have invested a third of my life into him it's hard to imagine life without him."
Don't fall into the trap of the sunken costs fallacy.

Are you planning to get a full STI check? You need one urgently.

HelenaDove · 24/07/2016 19:12

"He doesnt want to lose you"

Not quite. He doesnt want to lose the cosy domestic set up is nearer the mark.

228agreenend · 24/07/2016 19:15

I don't think it is obvious he was using prostitutes and can believe that he was just viewing sites, rather than actually paying for escorts.

brodchengretchen · 24/07/2016 19:21

It's simple. He is lying to you, he never intended to be faithful to you, he is spending family money on hookers and he is endangering your health. Hardly impressive, is it?

Don't bother to threaten him or give ultimatums, he is addicted to the above and it's unrealistic to think you can 'cure' him. Time to think about you, OP.

brodchengretchen · 24/07/2016 19:22

228 - your comment is very, very naive.

NameChange30 · 24/07/2016 19:23

It's not rocket science, is it?! If someone has registered with an escort website, and looked up local escorts, it's extremely likely they have used them.

If he "just" wanted to look at online porn he wouldn't be using an escort website.

WhimsicalWinnifred · 24/07/2016 20:46

For gods sake. It's not obvious he is using escorts or prostitutes. It is obvious he likes porn. They are on the same website. Not everyone is a cheating dog. Do not take what these people have said to heart. He may be cheating but he may also be telling the truth, all be it with a few omissions like not knowing he'd registered.

Only you know him. We have a few snippets if your life and it is not our place to tell you he is cheating or that you should leave him.

SandyY2K · 24/07/2016 21:04

I am the only one who would agree that
there's so much porn available online without having to sign up on escort sites for it though. Most people would take the option of viewing anonymously, than signing up.

NameChange30 · 24/07/2016 21:21

Whimsical I disagree and I think you're being naive. There are so many ways to access porn, there is absolute no need to register with an escort website. He wasn't just looking at porn on there either - he was looking for local escorts.

But I guess some people will go to great lengths to minimise and excuse men's shitty behaviour.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 24/07/2016 21:25

Check his card statements
Check his maps app

I'm thinking what everyone else is.... Sorry

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 24/07/2016 21:25

Check his card statements
Check his maps app

I'm thinking what everyone else is.... Sorry

NeedAnotherGlass · 24/07/2016 21:35

No it's not obvious he's been using prostitutes!

When you're on a porn site, there'll be loads of ads (some not even obvious that they are ads) showing videos from girls in your area. Click on them and it takes you to a different site where you have to register to view the video. Registration is very simple and free, just a few details. It's very much like many porn sites.

There is a massive step between that and using prostitutes.

fastdaytears · 24/07/2016 21:36

No one is on Adultwork for porn. It's a crappy website and you need an account so why would you not just watch free porn like the rest of the world? If he has a prostitute fantasy Angry then why look up escorts who are near his hotel room?

There wouldn't be any card transactions. What are his cash withdrawals like? Any large supermarket bills that might include cash withdrawals?

Activating the account again to show you is good but a lot of people go to AW for an escort's info but then book direct so no trail, reviews etc. Can you tell I have spent too many evenings reading UKPunting in grim fascination?

fastdaytears · 24/07/2016 21:37

Need those pop ups don't generally lead to AW as far as I know. AW don't get their traffic that way I don't believe.

horseygeorgie1 · 24/07/2016 21:47

I have some experience with AW.

You don't need to sign up to see anything, every profile is open to anyone. You sign up for contact details, messaging etc. Private galleries and videos are payable via AW 'credits' (You deposit £5 in your account on AW, it is then transferred into credits.). You pay for prostitutes 99% in cash when you see them, meets are normally arranged either via the AW booking system or via text/phone. The difference is AWs system allows the leaving of feedback for both the service provider, SP, or service user, SU. An hours generally falls between the £100 - £170 per hour mark but of course there is wide variation either side.

I'm very sorry to say that I think he is probably using escorts, or at least is messaging them, which will escalate. So sorry.

BTW, I'm not a prostitute!

SkydivingFerret · 24/07/2016 21:56

Even if he is only looking at the profiles eventually the thrill he gets from that will wear off so he will want to escalate it and the only way to do that is by meeting up with one

Cabrinha · 24/07/2016 22:11

I would far rather be wrong.

Fuck knows I'd like to have been wrong about my own XH's activity on there - and yes, it was "just a fantasy" for him too. A fantasy that involved a very real £160 per hour booking once a fortnight as it happens Hmm

But like I said upthread - somebody is using AW.

There's a sex worker that posts on here sometimes who advertises there, says that some 90% of her clients are married / partnered with no intention of leaving them - and often quite chatty about that.

Plenty of men are using the site - why not the OP's husband? As I said above, balance of probabilities in my opinion is that he is using it.

I don't buy that it is a fantasy. A fantasy doesn't require you to search local prostitutes in your suddenly spare time. That would be more believable if he'd looked at a prostitute on a random Tue night when his wife had gone to bed early and he was having a wank downstairs.

newworldnow · 24/07/2016 22:54

can't believe how naïve some posters are. Obviously they have never had to deal with this in real life. A man checking out local escorts is a punter for sure.
Of course he was registered knowingly on AW you just cant do that accidently. Can you reactivate the account and if so would it still hold details. Bet he wont do it. Calling your bluff OP and taking advantage of your innocence.
He will carry on but hide it better.
Balls in your court OP and I say he tells the truth or LTB
Been there from it was only a hand job to playing detective to discovering he'd been dong it for most of our marriage and before. Disgusting.

Isetan · 25/07/2016 05:08

This isn't out of character, it's just a side of his character that he did a very good job of hiding and it would still be hidden, if you hadn't of found out.

His bullshit does not add up and he is blaming you. He's implied that you not putting out is the reason for his recent browsing, even though he 'accidentally' signed up a year and a half ago.

How do you trust someone who lied to you and is still lying to you? You can't.

GuruDal · 25/07/2016 05:40

He could also have a credit card that you are unaware of, statements online only? Some people even have a P.O box to recieve private mail, I believe its just a matter of collecting from a post office in town.

blinkowl · 25/07/2016 06:03

There have been threads about Adult Works on here before.

Like the poster above says you don't need to register if you want to see the profiles. But you do if you want to communicate with the escorts.

His story sounds like bullshit to me sorry. And importantly he tried to lie when cornered, that's not good either.

Plus why look up local escorts if it's just a fantasy?

Iloveacuppa · 25/07/2016 14:19

He's decided that it's OK to lie to you - and he justifies it by saying it was for your sake that he lied.
He is almost certainly visiting prostitutes.
He has told you clearly who he is - believe him.

happypoobum · 25/07/2016 14:31

OP - if he had an unexpected delay and thought, oh yeah, I will check out some porn, he could just have looked at online porn.

He didn't though did he? He checked out LOCAL escorts on a site you have to register on.

I know it must be awful but you have to wake up and smell the coffee here. Sad

SandyY2K · 25/07/2016 15:08

I just reread your opening post.

I noticed that on the day he was alone as his flight got cancelled (it was actually cancelled not a lie) he went to a
Site called adultwork and looked up escorts in the local area.

So this was on his return trip that the flight was cancelled? And he did a bit of browsing on escorts in that local area?

Why did he have to look at escorts in the local area?

The only reason that makes sense to me, is that he wanted to hook up with one and kill some time with the cancelled flight.

When I confronted him about it he initially lied and said he didn't know what I was talking about.

Then admitted he was looking at porn

Trickle truth

then finally admitted that sometimes he goes on that site (once a month) to look at the escorts

More trickle truth probably once he realised you had evidence. He's only admitting to what you have proof of.

it is just something that is a fantasy

So he's had this fantasy since at least 3 weeks after you got married?