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Original poster

are men put off by fat women?

32 replies

FairyOnTheChristmasTree · 25/01/2007 13:19

I am 20 stone, 5'6 and a clothes size 24/26. I have put on a stone in less than a month. Before when I was still big men would chat me up but now, apart from 1 who was married, I have not been approached by a man and I want some male company, a bit of romance in my life.

Even before 99% of the men who did chat me up would be after the sex TBH and would make some comment that I needed to lose weight or would say I would look nicer if I lost weight.

Do men hate us larger ladies?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 25/01/2007 13:20

How did you put on a stone in a month?

itsmeNDP · 25/01/2007 13:21

No they don't. Haven't you heard of the BBW scene ? There are lots of men who dream of getting a look-in with women like you !

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 25/01/2007 13:22

Are ladies put off by larger men?

Swings and roundabouts.. different strokes etc.

WigWamBam · 25/01/2007 13:24

My dh isn't put off by my size ... and I'm bigger than you.

If they can't see past the outside to the person inside then they're really not worth wasting your breath on.

As an aside, a stone is a lot to put on in a month - have you had your thyroid tested recently? There could be a medical reason behind your weight gain.

Original poster
FairyOnTheChristmasTree · 25/01/2007 13:25

I ate Carmenere through stress....comfort ate.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 25/01/2007 13:26

It does of course depend on individual taste. Do you find fat men attractive? And yes there are plenty of men who like large ladies.
I would just be concerned about you putting on so much weight so fast.

Original poster
FairyOnTheChristmasTree · 25/01/2007 13:26

I don't think its a health issue that I put the weight on...I know I put it on by the amount I have been eating.

OP posts:
lulumama · 25/01/2007 13:28

the sort of men who wold char you up and just want sex, and then tell you to lose weight are morons !!

and as NDP sys, some men simply adore big women, the bigger the better

sexual allure is a lot about confidence, the way you carry yourself, you can be skinny as a rake, and have zero sex appeal...

Carmenere · 25/01/2007 13:28

Like anyone, if you feel good about yourself, you will attract people towards you. If you have comfort eaten to that extent in the past month I would suggest that you spend a bit of time on yourself, making you happier and then undoubtably a lovely man will come along!

persephonesnape · 25/01/2007 13:31

really who cares if they are or aren't. if you're unhappy about your weight do something about it, if you're happy then stay as you are.

DetentionGrrrl · 25/01/2007 13:34

some are, some aren't, some won't admit they love it.

are you happy though? that's the point.

oliveoil · 25/01/2007 13:35

Hmmmm, well I would say you were unhealthily over weight tbh.

I know I will get jumped on now by everyone saying if you are happy blah blah blah. But 20 stone and 5' 6 is not healthy imo.

Lazycow · 25/01/2007 13:39

It depends on the man. Many men are put off by it in my experience and I've had many men tell me I could do with losing weight in the past.

However my sister met her husband through an dating agency called plump partners. An agency that specialises in people who are overweight or who prefer larger people as partners. My BIL is a perfectly lovely man (I'm just waiting for all the MN freak type jokes to start)who prefers bigger women.

He says they feel better and just prefers it (though he was in fact married for 10 years to a slim woman).

It took him a long time to be able to admit it to his friends - who of course took the p**ss all the time. BIL says what really irritated him was they would point to a really unattractive woman who was overweight and say - 'so you fancy her do you?' He likes women who are overweight (my sister is a size 22/24)but he likes them to be attractive obviously and to take care of themselves. What was amazing was that his frinds assumed because he had a preference for bigger women he he would find 'ANY' big woman attractive which was not the case.

He is quite unusual though I'm afraid - I don't think men exactly 'hate' us larger ladies but a lot of them are a bit put off/scared. My view is however that it is a pretty good filtering mechanism (and in fact I've realised recently that this one of the emotional reasons I am/become overweight) in that the xs weight puts off most of the real arseholes (along with some good guys too of course) and what is left tends to be mostly the good guys.

Lazycow · 25/01/2007 13:42

I agree with most of the others her though that the real issue is how you feel about your weight. If you are overeating to the extent you are at the moment, you probably need to address that first before worrying about what others think..

ChipButty · 25/01/2007 13:44

Olive Oil - I'm sure you're not telling Fairy anything new there! Any man who just goes for a woman for her looks is vacuous - looks can fade. There is a man out there for you, Fairy, but you have to be confident in yourself before you find him. BTW I am size 24 and my DH is GORGEOUS inside and out - tall, blond, handsome and a fantastic Daddy and friend and lover all rolled into one (don't mean to gloat)! He tells me he fell for me because of the person I am. I believe I hit the jackpot the day I met. him and, for the record, he did too! I know I'm overweight but I don't let that stop me doing anything I want to do. I don't waste my time on people who label me because of how I look. Good luck to you.

hockeypuck · 25/01/2007 13:51

Yes of course some men are put of larger women in exactly the same way some men are put off women with ginger hair, or blonde hair etc. Some women are put of larger men too.

I'm around the same size as you, I have a wonderful husband who is not a "chubby chaser!" but who fell in love with me for who I am. I also have some admirers who like me for who I am and an admirer or two who are self pronounced chubby chasers and much prefer women to be larger, I never knew there was a specialised area of porn full of larger ladies until one of them told me that. I'm not interested in them because I'm very happy with my marriage.

I do have a "type" I prefer (tall fit Canadian ice Hockey players generally!) but I "click" with people who don't fit that type all the time and that's what makes them attractive.

Learn to love yourself, respect yourself and concentrate on friendships for now. You are special don't let anyone treat you otherwise.

WigWamBam · 25/01/2007 13:57

My dh isn't a "chubby chaser" either - all the women he'd been out with before me were tiny. But he is intelligent enough to know that there's more to a person than their size.

Where are you meeting these men who chat you up but then tell you to lose weight? Are they able to get to know you first, or are you out clubbing where initial attraction is based on looks? Perhaps you need to change the places you go - or at least recognise that there are some situations where the only thing men can judge you on are your looks, and try and meet new people in other situations.

Original poster
FairyOnTheChristmasTree · 25/01/2007 14:00

I used to be confident and I don't know what changed but now I wish the ground would open and swallow me when I am out. I take good care of myself, wear pretty clothes that also cover my bumps up and wear make up every day. I am well spoken, polite and just a generally nice person. I suppose this is just a rant. I know only I can change this but it would be nice to have that 'special someone' for support.

OP posts:
Original poster
FairyOnTheChristmasTree · 25/01/2007 14:02

A lot of these men approach me in clubs, bars etc...

I once had just started dating a man who was previously a good friend of mine and once we were an item he lectured me on my weight. He was dropped immediately and I barely speak to him anymore.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 25/01/2007 14:06

Then that man was a twunt.

If you're meeting people in bars, they don't get the chance to know the real you - they're often out simply to pick up a girl, and don't look any further than what she looks like. They're not good places to look for that special someone really.

Are there any groups you could join locally - an amateur dramatics group, reading group, evening classes? Maybe look for a better social life generally, rather than looking for one special person?

ForcesSweetheart · 15/03/2007 14:49

Fairy, I know it's an old thread, but I just came across it. I am a size 28. I met my wonderful DH at a place called Big Girl's Paradise . It's a fantastic night out (check out the pictures on their web-page). He's always preferred big women, and used to drive down to London from North Yorks every month to go to this club.

AMAZINWOMAN · 16/03/2007 12:32

Fern Britton and Dawn French have been voted as gorgeous and sexy women. They are lovely people too and both very happily married to rich successfull men

ELF1981 · 16/03/2007 12:35

My dh does not care what I look like. We have been together for 7 yrs, married for 3 this month. I was a size 16 when we started dating, I'm now an 18 and want to get back to a 16.
DH loves me for me - weight and all. Anybody who doesn't is frankly not worth me washing my brain cells thinking about IMO

misdee · 16/03/2007 12:36

i think dh prefers larger ladies, his exes were all larger girls, and he likes my curves a lot, even if i dont.

i have had a lot of male attention and have alweays been a size 16+ (currently a 20-22), but got loads of attention when a size 18. but i think thats mainly down to my bust size, i had one bloke ask if he could bury his head in my clevage, dh was sat next to me at the time

RanToTheHills · 16/03/2007 12:40

honestly? well dh has always said so, ditto ex0boyfriends. You sound like you were more comfortable when you were a stone lighter so with spring here, why don't you work to lose it again? Go to the gym,walk instead of driving, cut out chocolate, whatever has worked for you beofre.