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Original poster

Random question... Do you put your 14 year old children to bed or do they go themselves?

60 replies

Halfwayoranges · 18/07/2016 22:38

Friend has a bed routine for her 14 year old son and it's become an area of dispute between friends this lunchtime. Is this unusual to you?

OP posts:

Imnotaslimjim · 19/07/2016 12:49

My 8yo and 10yo both put themselves to bed after a kiss and hug downstairs. They get washed, brushed their teeth and read their school book on their own. 14? Most 14yo will be up later than their parents I would think.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/07/2016 12:52

Until 15 ds3 has had a 10.00 school night bedtime and we take his phone away.

He's always needed quite a lot of sleep.

No bedtime dictated by us in school holidays and weekends, he goes to be at 4 am if he likes.

He's just turned 16 and we are now leaving it to him, but if it starts being a problem getting up in the morning we'll be having words.,

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/07/2016 12:54

Same as Ragwort here, I think.

Earlybird · 19/07/2016 12:54

I let dd know it is time to get ready for bed, and then go up to tell her goodnight at 10.00. She reads until she is ready to go to sleep. And - prepare to be shocked - part of our routine is that she plugs her phone in downstairs so it is charged in the morning (also stops her texting/snapchatting 'til all hours of the night).

This routine evolved because she actually still wants me to give her a cuddle before bed, and we usually have a little chat. And it has evolved that I do that around 10.00. That way, i can get on with my night (even if it is going to bed myself!), rather than waiting for her to let me know when she is ready.

WicksEnd · 19/07/2016 13:02

More often than not my teen DS's come in and put me to bed!
That sounds like I'm pissed every night I'm not, I just tend to go up about ten and they come in and say goodnight on their way to bed.

dunblanemum · 19/07/2016 13:03

What sort of bedtime routine?

If it is telling him it is time for bed, reminding him to brush teeth and shouting good night then that is fine.

If she gives him a bath, brushes his teeth for him, puts on his pyjama’s and reads him a story then tucks him in with his blankey and sings him a lullaby then that would be weird.

icouldabeenacontender · 19/07/2016 13:06

I tell my 14 year old it's time for bed, don't forget teeth etc.
9 times out of 10 she will shout for one of us to 'tuck her in' because she's a bloody softy!

LunaLoveg00d · 19/07/2016 13:11

If putting to bed means shouting up the stairs to remind them to brush their teeth that's what I do....

roundandroundthehouses · 19/07/2016 13:22

School nights I nag her to plug in her phone in the living room, or she'd be on it the entire night. She does still have a bedtime, but would stay up all night if I didn't nag her, so I do that as well. Then I get dragged into an hour long conversation pop my head round the door to say goodnight once she's in. Does that count as 'putting her to bed'?

Weekends and holidays she's in bed well after me, so I don't put her anywhere .

coldcanary · 19/07/2016 14:28

Depends. Like others on a school night the 15 year old is either in his room or gone straight to bed by a certain time although he'll watch a film or play a game for a bit. He settles down at about 11ish because he sets off for school early.
School holidays all bets are off and as long as he's not keeping anyone else awake we don't mind what time he goes to bed.
He always comes down or shouts down to say goodnight first though.

WannaBe · 19/07/2016 14:38

I think the term routine is a bit misleading, and given OP hasn't been back.... .

But if you generally tell the kids it's time for bed and pop your head round the door to say goodnight, and this happens every night then that is a routine of sorts.

My DS is 13. I do tell him at about 9:00 or so that he ought to have a bath before he goes to bed otherwise he will sit up on the computer/his phone and lose track of time. And on school nights I expect him in bed by 10:00 otherwise he struggles to get up in the morning and he has to leave the house by 7. Then I pop my head round the door and have a chat for an hour say goodnight.

pocketsaviour · 19/07/2016 15:22

This thread has made me miss bedtimes :(

I still used to settle my DS up until age 16 if he was having a particularly anxious time, but he has some MH issues, which were particularly bad from age 13+. If he was having a good day then he would just take himself off to bed, although I'd still go through the "routine" of removing all his electronics, otherwise I'd have no hope of getting him up for school in the morning...

Joysmum · 19/07/2016 17:07

Is he still being breast fed?

PortiaCastis · 19/07/2016 17:18

joys .

CointreauVersial · 19/07/2016 17:22

I don't put her to bed, but I do have to tell her to go (sometimes more than once) or she'd still be lounging about at 2am (and knackered the next day).

She still loves to be tucked in by either DH or I, though - you're never too old for a cuddle.

Katedotness1963 · 19/07/2016 17:24

Curious as to what kind of routine it is...

My youngest is 14 and has been getting himself to bed for years. He goes when he's ready with a reminder not to stay up too late on a school night. Other than that it's up to himself.

TheNaze73 · 19/07/2016 17:27

This clearly is a spoof thread

CherryPicking · 19/07/2016 17:56

If it's just saying you have to go to bed by 9.30 because you need to be up at 6.30 to school, that's what the school would expect of most parents isn't it?

SestraClone · 19/07/2016 18:20

My 14 and 16 year olds are often awake later than me! I fall asleep before 10

pointythings · 19/07/2016 19:12

I remind mine that it's time to start prepping for bedtime, then I nip in for a lights out reminder. Sometimes this is really quick, sometimes it ends up as a moment for them to talk about stuff they've felt unable to discuss earlier. It's a peaceful moment between me and them and so it's precious, but it definitely isn't 'putting them to bed'. They're 13 and 15.

Cary2012 · 19/07/2016 19:21

This is a spoof thread, right? My youngest was bigger than me at 14!

BoGrainger · 19/07/2016 19:29

I used to assume my teens were in bed at a reasonable time. They never came out of their rooms after 5 o'clock unless it was to forage for food and were always ready to be dragged out of bed for school in the morning. It worked for us.

PortiaCastis · 19/07/2016 19:33

I didn't have anyone to put me to bed I was shunted off to boarding school so it was lights out torches on and read anything raunchy that someone had borrowed from home, or generally mess around until the Housemistress came to tell us off

camaleon · 19/07/2016 19:39

We still have a 'bed routine' with our kids aged 9 and 11. Not because they need to be put in bed, but because we still enjoy reading together.
They come to our bed where my husband or I read to them (we would not fit otherwise). Some times we take turns reading a chapter. This happens every night -with all kind of exceptions- for about 1 hour. We all love it. Who knows? We may keep it until they are 14 (wishful thinking)

AndNowItsSeven · 19/07/2016 19:50

At 14 my eldest dd had to to go to bed at 9.30 but we just said goodnight. She wasn't staying up later than her dad and I until she started sixth form.

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