How to cope with being lied to

[nowaybaby]

I found out 2 weeks ago there is a strong chance my DP has been having an EA at best, a physical affair at worst. He has denied it and tried to convince me nothing has happened. I could list all the things that don't add up but suffice to say I don't believe him.

I should add here I want to believe him. I love him and thought our relationship was solid. I would never have thought he would do this, not in a hundred years.

However I've read too much on MN to believe everything he has told me.

We are on a break just now, as I am on holiday with my D.C. When we get back I have to make a decision. This is my problem...if he absolutely refuses to tell me everything how can we move forward? We can't, can we? By not telling me the truth he is taking away any chance of recovering from this.

If I end things as they are will I be plagued by doubts that I was wrong? That he is telling the truth. My gut says I am right, but 2 weeks ago my gut would have sworn he would never have done this.

Thoughts appreciated. I am in turmoil.

Huge sympathies to you OP. I have been there. Trust your instincts - as the script says - they do first deny and lie and try to make you feel like you're the crazy one. It adds more hurt and insult to the original betrayal. But your gut knows. Try to find out more - from him, from her so that you can seek to get more control over the situation. And perhaps say to him, if you want to: ' however much you deny it - I believe what I saw and no longer trust you to tell the truth. If you want to stay with me and save this relationship I deserve truth and honesty. I will go to counselling to try to sort this out but only if you have the grown up guts to be honest and to work hard to stay together and to prove to me you are worth it. If not this relationship is over.'

Mine went to counselling but carried on minimising - yes lying. In the end I chose to end the relationship - he'd broken my heart and didn't have an ounce of the integrity I'd ascribed to him. But as life isn't a movie you never really find justice, closure, what really happened and how he ended up feeling about it. But you do end up feeling more in control of your destiny. And you will have a better life without someone who tells lies with such spineless ease.