New man being a bit flaky

[JellyBean31]

I've been seeing a guy for about 6 weeks, I like him but it's very early days. He is separated but not divorced (as am I) and has DC 11 & 12.

His kids come first, obviously, that's exactly as it should be....but last night was the 3rd time he has cancelled on me last minute as something had come up with his kids...I'm understanding as to the reasons, but not happy at being let down so late in the day.

There seems to be no boundaries or routine in the contact he has with them, he sees them at the family home usually but any overnights are at his dad's house where he's staying. His ex will call him & say the kids want to see you, and he drops everything to go round there. I find this very strange (not that he wants to see them but that he doesn't say he has plans) but it's way too early for me to voice any opinion on it to him.

I don't think there is anything going on between him & his ex and as far as I can tell he is into me (seems more so than I am into him) so my question is, do I give him the leeway and be chilled about it, or is this a road to nowhere and I'd be better cutting my losses before developing any real feelings for him?

I like him and enjoy his company so don't really want to call it off, but I don't want to be taken for a mug either.

I'm wondering if he's as separated as he says he is

I'm also wondering if these last minutes cancellation are to see his kids or to see another woman

I agree with the PP who said look at his actions not his words. He's saying that he will see you if he's got nothing better to do . He knows that " my kids need me " is the gold plated excuse that no mother will ever object to .

I used to work with someone who had a disabled child. He was always calling off work at short notice / handing thinsg in late because of his child. I knew his family outside work and it was his wife who did 99% of things for the child, the guy was at it .

it was his ' get out of jail free " card .

Meanwhile all these other parenst of Sn kids are working their arses off trying to hold down a job and not let their employer down

Kr1stina Yes he is definitely separated. Other woman? I don't think so and I hope not but I don't suppose I can be 100% sure of that at this stage. He's not very attentive if it is as he still texts me throughout the time we were meant to spend together (he puts is phone down and doesn't look at it when we are together)

Lello I didn't miss your point - sorry if I sounded flippant, I know all relationships have to start somewhere and all of the women on the step parenting board will have been where I am now at some point. What I meant was, I am already having doubts so there would have to be some major fundamental changes for this relationship to continue long term so fi it did and I got the point of step parenting these issues would no longer be a problem. If it doesn't seem as though things are going to change (i.e. there is no firm plan as to how those changes will manifest) the relationship won't last long term so I will not be a step parent in this position.

I gave my EA insecure jealous stbxh chance after chance after chance, I have well and truly learned my lesson there. I am giving this new guy 1 more chance and giving myself one more change to judge his behaviour while his kids are on holiday (so no ready made excuses) - he could be an absolute flake with or without them - but I will walk away if he bails on me again.

How recently has he split with his ex ? They might still be trying to get the balance right and work out times etc to see them and figuring it all out like you say its hard with the shift work too.

She could be one of these ex's too that like to have the Dads on a bit of string and if she says about seeing them and he says he cant due to plans and then evens mentions its another girl she might threaten to stop contact and make his life difficult so does what she asks to keep the peace and so he can still see the kids.

My boyfriends childs mother is a nightmare for this (child is 3) and say your son wants to see you now and if he doesn't go over or says hes busy or busy with me she will get jealous and threaten him and tell him his priorities arent right , slag us both off on social media , just because she is very bitter and jealous. she may be one of these types and if they haven't split up that long ago i wouldn't be surprised either.

Try and stick with it for a minute but i would suggest having a little think about if she is the jealous controlling type , that she is going to impact your relationship in the future.

No I mean do you know if he actually has the kids when he says he does? Especially the last min cancellations?

My ex lied about this but had a shit memory do always dropped himself in it.

My BIL tells his gf who he lives with, he is coming to visit his kids (three hour drive) and stay with mil - when it's really women of Internet dating. Sometimes his kids don't even know he is home.

Yes men can be fuckers

Aahhh dutch I understand now (doh!) well no I don't know 100% he is even with his kids, but like I said earlier, whoever he's with he still texts me so of it is another woman, he's not paying attention to her the way he's does when we're together.

He's been spdlit since November.