I have ruined my marriage...

[JumpedUpPantryBoy]

I have been married for 5 months and it has been the toughest 5 months. I can't share a bed with my husband because his snoring is very loud. This is a huge issue because as a newly married couple, we want to share the same bed. Also, we live in a 1 bedroom flat so no chance we can have separate rooms.
My husband sleeps on our uncomfortable sofa bed each night. When we try and sleep in the same bed, there are arguments as I get anxious about his snoring etc. These arguments have just torn our relationships to figurative shreds. If only I could just get over the snoring - but I can't. My husband is so unhappy. I don't know what to do.
We have tried everything except for surgical options - DH was told he didn't score high enough for medical treatment when he did a sleep study maybe they should try sleeping next to him.
Has anyone got any advice? I am desperate to fix this. Everything else is fine but this has just brought us to new lows .

[trafalgargal]

(As I typed my previous post from the sofa OH wandered in and asked me if I'd got up cos he was snoring :D I told him no I was too hot to stay in bed but yes I do sometimes move if he's snoring and he knows it. He can't help it but I'd never wake him up and ask him to move. By the time I've woken him and he's moved I could be snuggled down on the sofa and getting back to sleep. )

[Wallywobbles]

We both snore and both sleep with ear plugs. It's rarely an issue. Why aren't ear plugs working for you? There are loads of shit ones but there are a few good ones. Mercurochrome do some pink and yellow ones which are excellent. You might need to order them on line. We take the view that it's not the snorers problem.

I'm not clear what you've actually tried on your side apart from waking your husband which was unlikely to work.

[fruityb]

I'm the snorer in our relationship. I had surgery on my teeth to correct a dental issue last year and it really made a difference to my breathing and reduced my snoring. Sadly that has come back since I've been pregnant but am hoping it goes again. I suffer with congestion but can't take any decongestants at the mo as am pregnant. Will be back on them after! Could this be something your DH could consider?

It's a tough one as my OH often makes it sound like I do it on purpose. I do it when I'm not quite deep sleeping and he wakes me up to tell me which exacerbates the whole issue as I'm then back to square one and snoring again!

It's helped by me going to bed first to get to sleep, waiting for him to be asleep or he gets up and sleeps downstairs. It's not always ideal but whatever works. I'm only sleeping in fits and starts anyway due to my hips waking me up with pain, but we do view this as a joint problem. And yes I do blame his anxiety about it at times as he wont let me get to sleep properly hence my snoring won't stop!

It's a problem yes but is it worth ending a relationship over? Not a chance.

I do not agree with withholding household duties of anything like that however!! Snoring is not chosen behaviour and while i agree it's a massive issue when deprived of sleep, it's not like snorers do it on purpose!

[hooliodancer]

Quies earplugs are excellent, and very comfortable as they are a very soft wax. You have to buy them on line.

[TheSnowFairy]

DH lost loads of weight and it stopped his snoring (although too late for me to get a decent night's sleep when DC were little).

OP, have seen your update - hope you can work things out. It really isn't anyone's fault (the snoring) but is awful to cope with when you're desperate for sleep.

[mix56]

You can get ear plugs moulded to your ear shape by a professional. (as drummers do) & see the doctor about mild sleeping pills & anxiousness
You can buy a decent sofa bed, & sleep there on alternative nights. Lying in bed & getting annoyed is the worst possible scenario. There is nothing stopping you going on to the sofa.

However to go off in a huff with the telly is pretty telling though. Is that all your marriage is worth ?

[Wibblywobblyfoo]

Sounds like he has tried his best. Been to drs. Not overweight. Not smoking. Sleeps on sofa bed. Then he sleeps with you at your request and you wake him then you won't go and sleep on the sofa you just decided to wake him again.

[mathanxiety]

He is being a selfish, horrible tit. Let him go.

...he said he'd had enough of me waking him up.
Is he for real?
Why did he think you were awake?

He is not worth losing your health over, OP.

[Maz2444466]

I used to sleep with earwax earplugs every night from Boots and they were amazing, honestly they cut out so much noise. I really recommend them.