Could really do with some advise (abusive relasionship)

[on123]

I have just left a 5 year abusive relasionship.

I've tried to leave many times before but I always miss him too much or just start believing him again and come back.

After hurting me again, and slashing my tyres so I couldn't leave I had to get the police involved to physically remove him.

I really want to do this for real this time but I'm terrified that any minute now il start to regret it again and give in to his words.

I'm only 20 years old, and thanks to the relasionship I don't really have many friends left to speak to, I could really do with some advise from someone who has been there before, and let me know how they got through it, and if it's normal to get these feelings.

We have a beautiful little girl who I'm focusing on but I'm concerned when she's gone to bed etc all those emotions will come back.

Thank you in advance,

X

[on123]

Firstly, sorry for not responding - I will admit once I read the most recent messages I couldn't think of anything to comment, a side to argue or an excuse because I knew deep down you were right, and I couldn't face it.

I made the mistake of ignoring the truth, that I knew deep down, and that is something i paid for and will never do again.

He tried to kill me last Tuesday, the worst attack there has ever been, I managed to escape and get my daughter - and I am ok and I have pressed charges (he is currently released on bail).

I wish I would have listened and I wish I would have realised that I could never help him to get better. But I am grateful because I believe that the comments everyone had written and the support you offered me, gave me the strength to escape and press charges, and be strong enough now to realise there is a better life out there for me and my daughter, where we will be loved and treated right.

Thank you for your messages and your support - I really do think you helped me to have the courage to fight for my life and get out, of course I wish I would have realised a long time ago - but at least I have now.

So thank you.

[Mamagin]

On123, so glad you are safe. Stay safe, and I am sure that life will be better for you and your daughter. Are women's aid helping you through this? Are you in touch with the Domestic Violence officer with the Police?
I hope you are getting real life support.

[Resilience16]

Oh my God 123,I am so sorry to hear that, but I am so glad you managed to escape with your daughter.
I'm glad that our words on here helped you, but it is you who has done the really brave thing here of leaving and pressing charges.
If you've not already then please speak to Women's Aid or Refuge for more practical advice. Some counselling for you may be a good idea, see if you can access that through your doctor.The police should have a DV unit that can give you advice also.
I am so sorry this horrible shit has happened to you. Please don't blame yourself for his behaviour, it is not your fault .
It might help to write it all down, just to get it clear in your head, also to kind of exorcise it and also as evidence should you need it.
Huge hugs of support for you and your daughter.
We are here if you need us.

[punchintheguts]

on123,
I could have written this myself on behalf of my dd.
the crying and promises of "i will change and so on"

please, I beg you, read my thread on "relationships..........Daughter Returning To Abusive Ex, Advice Please....

But you are young.
Do you want to be in this position when you are 40? maybe with more children that he can hold you to ransom by?

Take strength in my thread.

read it through and through, you will see the once you are caught in the trap of abuse it is a spiral to the gutter.

PLEASE TAKE TIME TO READ IT, NOW< TODAY.
you will get your answer.
my hell has been going on for over 20 years, and is spiralling out of control as we speak.
It will never end for you.
Been through it all, the promises, sweet talk, poor me crap.
get out and stay out I beg you.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I'm sorry this happened to you.
And I'm glad some words on here got you through and got you out.
Now stay safe and stay away.
I will say it again.
WOMENS AID - FREEDOM PROGRAMME - DO IT SOON - VERY VERY SOON!!!!!!!!
Good luck with your new abuse free life.
You will soon realise that a really heavy weight has been lifted from you.
Get all the support you can from Womens Aid, DV police unit, Social services, local support services, Shelter... etc....

[tipsytrifle]

It's a cruel blessing that his mask slipped so instantly. At least the escalation to trying to kill you has finally got the point home. You're clearly an intelligent young woman with an extremely bright future and career ahead of you. That you have been with this awful creature since early teens kind of makes him slot into the child-mind part of you, the innocent, inexperienced youngster. You've grown up to be real and right. He hasn't. Let him go now. You'll find ways to handle the "weirdness" of becoming truly and totally independent. I'm proud of you!

[on123]

I honestly can't thank you enough - it's weird that your all strangers but helping me so much.

I am focusing on mine and my daughters life now and as much as I am overwhelmed with stress with all the court proceedings and having to live with my mum and all my animals fitting into a tiny house - I find myself actually getting little buzzes of excitement for my future, at the thought of feeling true happiness again.

Thank you x

[on123]

Also I haven't been offered any help yet. But want to make an appointment with my GP as i don't feel to great all the time, I get anxious at the sound of a door or the door bell ringing, or even my dog barking! Hopefully these will all pass in time but I think I would benefit from someone to talk to like a gp x

[hellsbellsmelons]

Your GP should be able to help.
Those symptoms are hardly surprising.
It could be PTSD so make sure he investigates everything.
Call WA 0808 2000 247 and they can help you with local support services.
You'll get there but you've been through a lot for a lot of years.
Keep posting here to get your thoughts out.
It helps to keep you a bit sane.
Don't forget to look after yourself.
Eat healthily and keep yourself hydrated.
You are as important as your DD.

[MephistoMarley]

I'm sorry this happened, and happy you and your daughter are safe.
If you ever think about taking him back - remember that when the authorities find out about his behaviour you stand a very good chance of losing your daughter over him. Because living with him is incredibly bad for her. You owe her better.

[on123]

I won't ever go back, my daughter is the most important thing in my life and I would never put her at risk of being taken from me.

My law firm has offered me free solicitors and I attended court yesterday to get a prohibited steps order ( which means I have control over where ever she is and with whom) and I got it.

I am eating, drinking and looking after my self. Keeping busy, working 8-5, spending time with my daughter, then taking my dog for a run and before you know it the day is gone and I've faced another day.

Will be in touch with my GP today.

Kind regards

[notapizzaeater]

on123. You might want to report your post - you've named your daughter in your 9.04 post.

Glad you are safe and away from him,

[user1468175625]

Never posted before but had to to say your resilience, determination to look after your daughter and guts are impressive. I hope those buzzes of happiness get more and more...Good luck.

[balence49]

Well done! You sound like a hard working young woman and that you have a lot going for you if you focus on getting on with your life for you and your daughter. Fantastic that your work is supportive and take all the help they offer! Good luck with everything and stay strong. He will not change and if you ever waver imagine this was your daughter in this situation and the advice you would give her. It would never ever be to go back would it.

[on123]

Just an update for all of you that offered me the support and kind messages.

Court finally went ahead last week and he was found guilty of all offences against me.

Thanks again for you help - those messages really helped me through some of the hardest points.

X

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Glad to hear it. How's life now?

[HeavenlyEyes]

I am glad he was found guilty. How are you feeling about things. Had any counselling, Freedom Programme or similar?

[Wallywobbles]

Please look at the freedom program and look at the Out of the Fog website. These are free resources.

You'd be best starting the online course immediately for the freedom program. Then find a course you can go to. Block his number and his families. You are not yet in a place where you can deal with them.

Buy or borrow why does he do that by Lundy. It's a life changing book.

Distract yourself. Go through the relationship board. Read the top sticky.

[Wallywobbles]

Sorry hadn't rtft. Good luck. It's a long road even after court. I'm 9 years along and it diminishes every year now my DDs are 21 &12 and can make their own choices. Not seen him for over 2 years.

[Dragongirl10]

Well done OP you are an inspiration to young women...this gives the message that ......Abuse is never acceptable......

Just one thing...l am sure you will find love again with someone kind and lovely to you both..please hold that thought on bad days..

You have your daughter and a great career ahead of you, up the bar for your next relationship, set it very, very high.....

Good Luck and l am so glad you survived him