Tracking DH with find my iPhone, how accurate is it?

[Snowkitty]

So, I accidentally realised I'd got find my iphone set up on my ipad recently. DH away so out of interest I looked up where he was. For the last three nights he's been away on business his phone has tracked to the right city, but not to the location of the hotel he claims to be staying in. I've used google streetview to check out the locations where his phone is supposed to be, two have been completely residential and the other a multi-storey car park, all in different cities and all roughly a mile or two from the hotel, in different directions.

The car park would definitely have needed a car to get to, he didn't have his with him, and that night his phone tracked late evening to the hotel, then appeared in the car park for at least an hour around 4.30am, then back at the hotel breakfast time ish. I'm pretty sure he would have needed a lift or taxi to make the journey.

One of the other nights his iPad tracked to the hotel, but his phone to a location some distance away (it would have been a good walk or several stops on a bus) from at least 21.45 until 07.30 (I spoke to him at that point, he sounded perfectly normal). At 09.00 his phone and ipad were both at the hotel, then at his work location.

For background, and so as not to drip-feed, we've been together 30+ years, a couple of years ago I found out he'd shagged another woman - I had positive proof so he couldn't deny it - he said he'd got drunk and been chatting to her in a bar and one thing led to another, swore it was a one-off. Of course since then I've found it VERY difficult to trust him, and to believe that it really was a one-off, (lots of opportunity for it not to be), though I really try to because a) we don't have any other issues, I do love him, we get on well, good sex life etc., (I would have found it easier to understand him shagging someone else if he wasn't getting it at home, but he was/does), and b) the kids would be devastated if we split, I think it could do serious mental health damage to the eldest who's already a bit wobbly, even if we did it amicably. DH thinks I should just be able to accept it was a one-off, forget about it and move on, I was distraught at the time and have found it very difficult to do, but we have rebuilt things from that point and put it behind us, and have since made a lot more effort to get regular time just the two of us. If I ever mention it (I do, but rarely, not for several months at time, I can't remember when it last came up), he gets quite angry with me about it, he just doesn't 'get' that I can't just forget about it - as far as I'm concerned it happened, the one person in the world who I should be able to trust broke that trust, and as they say, you can't put the genie back in the bottle. No-one in RL knows about this.

Our other mobile devices are tracking to within 10 meters of where I know they are - so can I reasonably assume that what I'm seeing on find my iPhone is roughly correct? If I confront him about it and I'm wrong I think it will be terminal for us, for the reasons above, trust is already a little fragile, I really need to be 100% sure something is going on before I say/do anything. It doesn't look good, but I'm trying to keep an open mind at the moment, 30+ strong years and an otherwise good life, (I actually have friends who tell me DH is a rare example of a decent bloke, works hard, great with kids, housework etc), a lot is at stake. I've given the bank statement a good going over for any anomalies, but can't see any. Feeling really horrible that I suspect something may be amiss, not sleeping well and can't put it out of my mind. Any advice / suggestions please?

[Eatthecake]

Well said Margaret!

I still can't get over people thinking it's ok to rock up at a hotel to spy, like that's normal Behaviour

[Goingtobeawesome]

Hopefully having an affair when you're married isn't normal either.

[Brankolium]

So findmyiphone is inconclusive.

You have 4 choices that I can think of:

1. Ignore this
   
   
2. Find out conclusively if he is actually at the hotel when his location is off. This will be hard to recover from if you are proved wrong.
   
   
3. Talk to him about what has happened. If he is lying it gives him a chance to cover his tracks. But, f he is actually at the hotel and you have talked to him instead of snooping more, then this is your best chance at recovering your relationship.
   
   
4. End the relationship regardless because you don't trust him
   
   All options include risk for you and varying degrees of being put through the emotional ringer. So sorry this is happening to you

[Decanter]

OP it definitely isn't that accurate. When DH is at work, more often that not it tracks him to a few blocks south. There is a walking route near us, when either DH or I go on our own we always take the main road, versus the quiet wooded path. One day after I had walked the main road route, DH txted me to say that he'd seen I took the quiet path when I hadn't. Again, out by 1/5th mile or thereabouts. So I wouldn't read too much into it unless you have other reasons too.

[CallMeMaybe]

Another one whose ex tracked me down in order to accuse me of having an affair (I wasn't.).

Clearly the OP isn't over her H's previous infidelity and that's perfectly understandable. but if she is needing to track his phone to find out where he is then the relationship is already over. The trust has gone. No amount of reassurance that he is where he said he is is going to bring that back, so you need to just end it now.

[hellsbellsmelons]

I've just checked mine and it is pretty accurate.
Not totally, some about 100-200 yards difference.
I would also spy.
Sorry, but I would!

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

I've just done Find My iPhone from my phone and I am apparently half a mile away from where I actually am

It's not totally accurate.

[MsMims]

Mine is always accurate.

I agree with PP suggestion of turning up to surprise him. If he has nothing to hide and the relationship is otherwise good he should be delighted.

[AdjustableWench]

Sounds to me like the biggest problem here is your husband's attitude to your feelings about his past infidelity. I don't know many people who could simply put it behind them, forget about it and get over it, so he's being unreasonable about that.

Have you thought about marriage counselling? Would he go?

[GrandadGrumps]

The location can be extremely inaccurate under certain conditions. Being stuck in a pocket in the middle of a large building and with wifi switched off (don't ask) is one of those conditions.

[Pinkheart5915]

Marriage counselling is a good suggestion from pp OP, have you tried it already at all? Would you both consider going?

It might help with your feeling about his cheating of course your not going to just forget but if you choose to stay with the partner that cheated you can't be bringing it up every now and then. You choose to stay so you have to move forward.

Another problem I think is you say no body in real life knows about the cheating so you have no friend/sister etc to talk to about it all, counselling would give you an outlet.

Do think very carefully before taking advice to turn up at the hotel as a "surprise" after watching him on iPhone app for days, it doesn't sit right with me it's a bit crazy!

[MadeForThis]

Just checked mine and it's accurate. There is also a bit in the settings of the iPhone that show previous locations but need to be accessed from the phone. Google the step by step details.

[Snowkitty]

Gosh, didn't expect quite so many replies so quickly! Thanks for everyone's responses so far. I won't answer all individually as I need to be somewhere soon, however:

Even if I wanted to I can't easily spy on him - it would require someone else having the DCs overnight for starters, and the three locations in question are all far apart.

I didn't set out to stalk/track him, I just noticed I'd got the app and thought I'd take a look out of interest - came up the first time I looked that the ipad was in the hotel and the iphone was elsewhere that made me curious to look again. He runs though, takes his phone and listens to music while he's running, so what a pp said about locations getting 'stuck' could be all it is, the odd locations have all comfortably been within running distance, although the car park would have been an odd choice of route, the other two locations would make sense. He's currently travelling and his phone has gone with him!

What a lot of you are saying about leaving him I pretty much expected to hear. I really don't have any other reasons to suspect anything is going on, the previous indiscretion has left me unsettled in the long term though, and I'm not sure I'll ever fully get over it. As suggested by a pp this did take place in his hotel room. I found out because his phone 'pocket dialled' me in the middle of the night (shirt pocket) and I could hear them at it - there is no good way to find out your DH is being unfaithful, but there are probably other ways that are little less emotionally traumatic, apart from actually walking in on it of course. He's not having much luck with phones is he?

I think he gets angry (never violent, just cross if that makes sense), if I mention it because he wants to move on, is genuinely remorseful and doesn't think it's fair of me to make him feel guilty for the rest of his life for one stupid mistake - he knows he fucked up big time, I'm pretty sure he fully expected me to throw him out there and then, no further discussion, completely justified, knew he'd dodged a bullet when I didn't, and that there's no question that is what would happen if there were any repeats.

I'm thinking I'll watch what happens over the next few business trips...but do feel like I've turned into a stalker.

[MadeForThis]

The 4.30 one is confusing. If he mentions not being able to sleep and going out for a run it would explain that. And then probably all the hits. I would try to steer the conversation that way rather than any suspicions.

[SandyY2K]

The iPhone tracker has been inaccurate before.

Here's a useful tip for you and believe it an OW said it. When he goes away on business, call him in his room on the hotel landline, not on the mobile. Then you'll know he's actually there.

The OW said, she would be with him at her house and he'd call his wife saying he'd arrived safely. He would extend the business trip either side to be with the OW or sometimes make up the trip altogether when they had getaways.

His anger when you raise the ONS shows he isn't really remorseful at all. More likely peeved you caught him. It takes years to heal from infidelity, but he wants you to belt up and move on. It doesn't sound like you really dealt with it before and he certainly isn't behaving as a WS should to help.

You found evidence of the ONS before - why do you think it was his first infidelity? Do you think you got lucky and caught him the first time he did it?

You caught him before, so he'll cover up his tracks better now.

[DisgruntledWife]

Phone tracking apps can be somewhat inaccurate. My DH had one on his phone as a way of regaining my trust after his affair almost 4 years ago. There were several times where it showed him somewhere else other than where he was supposed to be. He would have to send me photos of his work area with dates and times etc. It ended up causing more problems than it solved so I told him to get rid. I was already losing my mind over the affair and didn't need anything else driving me nuts. My DH doesn't travel anymore as it was a big fat reminder of what he did every time he had a business trip (he had his affair during a business trip). You should ditch the app and talk to you DH about how vulnerable you feel when he's away. Maybe try counselling.

[Crinkle77]

I think sometimes the GPS things can be out. Sometimes it says my friends are in strange places on facebook and when I have asked what they are doing there they have no idea why it has said that cos they are no where near.

[UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter]

i think it depends on how accurate google/apple maps is where you are. e.g at home its fairly accurate as in a residential established area, however at work, where I'm in the middle of rural countryside it often puts me in a field a mile or two away.

[wherearemymarbles]

Its very accurate and is i'm afraid to be believed

[HermioneJeanGranger]

It's not always accurate or to be believed

Mine often tells me I'm several streets away from where I am, and it's put me in the middle of the ocean before as well. I was firmly on dry land!

OP is suspicious because her OH has cheated on her before. Understandable, but that doesn't mean the same thing is happening now. iPhone locations aren't meant to pinpoint people's exact locations, it just gives you a general idea of where the phone is.

[wherearemymarbles]

I should add, if the phone can receive a gps signal it will be accurate to less than 20meters. If it cant, ie insde a building it will use wifi location or cellular mast which will give errors.

[blueskyinmarch]

It is absolutely not accurate at all. I love the Find Friends app and regularly see that my DH and DD's are in completely random places when i know exactly where they are. For example when my DD has been in school it has had her miles away in the middle of a golf course.

(Disclaimer - my family know i have this app and are aware they can switch it off at any time if they want more privacy but they don’t seem to be bothered at all by me knowing where they are)

[AsteroidB314]

but a hotel would have wifi. you can 'check in ' to a hotel so it would definitely be identifiable if he were there.

i don't blame the op for being, well, curious. given the fact he's cheated before and then his irritation with HER for not moving on quick enough......... hmm, i'd be suspicious too.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

It's GPS based so as with anything, it's going to depend on satellites and weather conditions etc. Sometimes mine is accurate to a fault, sometimes it's a few streets out. There's one street on my running route that it can't see at all.

[TheCrumpettyTree]

I just turned on mine and it tells me exactly where I am. He doesn't get to tell you to move on, this is his responsibility. I don't blame you for worrying. Have you ever had counselling op over the original affair?