Tracking DH with find my iPhone, how accurate is it?

[Snowkitty]

So, I accidentally realised I'd got find my iphone set up on my ipad recently. DH away so out of interest I looked up where he was. For the last three nights he's been away on business his phone has tracked to the right city, but not to the location of the hotel he claims to be staying in. I've used google streetview to check out the locations where his phone is supposed to be, two have been completely residential and the other a multi-storey car park, all in different cities and all roughly a mile or two from the hotel, in different directions.

The car park would definitely have needed a car to get to, he didn't have his with him, and that night his phone tracked late evening to the hotel, then appeared in the car park for at least an hour around 4.30am, then back at the hotel breakfast time ish. I'm pretty sure he would have needed a lift or taxi to make the journey.

One of the other nights his iPad tracked to the hotel, but his phone to a location some distance away (it would have been a good walk or several stops on a bus) from at least 21.45 until 07.30 (I spoke to him at that point, he sounded perfectly normal). At 09.00 his phone and ipad were both at the hotel, then at his work location.

For background, and so as not to drip-feed, we've been together 30+ years, a couple of years ago I found out he'd shagged another woman - I had positive proof so he couldn't deny it - he said he'd got drunk and been chatting to her in a bar and one thing led to another, swore it was a one-off. Of course since then I've found it VERY difficult to trust him, and to believe that it really was a one-off, (lots of opportunity for it not to be), though I really try to because a) we don't have any other issues, I do love him, we get on well, good sex life etc., (I would have found it easier to understand him shagging someone else if he wasn't getting it at home, but he was/does), and b) the kids would be devastated if we split, I think it could do serious mental health damage to the eldest who's already a bit wobbly, even if we did it amicably. DH thinks I should just be able to accept it was a one-off, forget about it and move on, I was distraught at the time and have found it very difficult to do, but we have rebuilt things from that point and put it behind us, and have since made a lot more effort to get regular time just the two of us. If I ever mention it (I do, but rarely, not for several months at time, I can't remember when it last came up), he gets quite angry with me about it, he just doesn't 'get' that I can't just forget about it - as far as I'm concerned it happened, the one person in the world who I should be able to trust broke that trust, and as they say, you can't put the genie back in the bottle. No-one in RL knows about this.

Our other mobile devices are tracking to within 10 meters of where I know they are - so can I reasonably assume that what I'm seeing on find my iPhone is roughly correct? If I confront him about it and I'm wrong I think it will be terminal for us, for the reasons above, trust is already a little fragile, I really need to be 100% sure something is going on before I say/do anything. It doesn't look good, but I'm trying to keep an open mind at the moment, 30+ strong years and an otherwise good life, (I actually have friends who tell me DH is a rare example of a decent bloke, works hard, great with kids, housework etc), a lot is at stake. I've given the bank statement a good going over for any anomalies, but can't see any. Feeling really horrible that I suspect something may be amiss, not sleeping well and can't put it out of my mind. Any advice / suggestions please?

[PenguinsGiveWarmHugs]

Him working away and you tracking his movements via GPS is unhealthy.

What steps has he taken since the infidelity to show to you that he is trustworthy?

Was it on work travels that you caught him cheating? If so, you are always going to be suspicious when he travels for work. It is for him to alleviate these concerns, not for you to be tracking him.

Honestly, I think you'd be better admitting to both yourself and him that the trust is completely shattered and take steps to end the relationship. You cannot continue to live your life tracking his location via Find my iPhone. You sound broken and hurt, and I wish you luck for the future, whatever it holds.

[Yoksha]

I've just read today that the earth has tilted on its axis, and this is affecting the satellites around the earth.

[HarmlessChap]

Last night I was chatting with an student studying electronics, who is a massive Apple fan, and we were talking about GPS tracking which reminded me of this thread and I asked how the find my iPhone works and its level of accuracy.

It seems that if a GPS signal is available then the app is very accurate but if it can not obtain a GPS signal then it tries to locate itself by triangulating the location from wifi networks it has seen, not necessarily connected to. This makes sense as my iPod which does the same and doesn't have a GPS chip but often includes locations of photos I take with it.

When relying on triangulation of wifi networks the location tends to be more generic than specific so its not at all accurate.

I hope that helps.

[biddleyboo]

It once showed my daughter as being in a province in China! She had only left for school 15 mins earlier however I logged out and logged back I and it was fine. I don't think it is always accurate, but also that you are maybe not getting 100% honesty from your husband. Sorry just my view.

[JustSpeakSense]

I used it to track my daughter at a music concert, it showed her in the stadium, then an hour later a few blocks from stadium in a residential street (I panicked at this point I thought her phone had been stolen) I phoned her, she was still in the stadium. Then 10 minutes later it showed back in the stadium (I assumed there was a dodgy satellite link)

[RestlessTraveller]

Your behaviour is unacceptable, tracking people using technology like this is now enough evidence for coercive control.

His behaviour in the past is obviously completely out of order as well. You chose to move on but of course the insecurity is driving you insane. I really think you need to think about whether your marriage is over.

[Snowkitty]

Thanks Sandy for the book recommendation, I'll look into it. I did have him read a chapter of another book about long term relationship survival, which focussed on infidelity & beyond, which I think helped but obviously not enough.

I've always rung him on his mobile, never use the hotel phone, he's away so much & in different places, plans change all the time, even day to day in his job, so I often don't know which hotel he's in. So it would seem immediately as though I was checking up on him if I used a landline.

Anyway, last night he was in London. Spoke to him quite late, he was 'in a bar' with a crowd of colleagues (this is normal when he's in London, works for a big firm based there, usually a lot of folks staying in town overnight). Phone location was Canada House (not far from Trafalgar Square). It was still there, in exactly the same spot, at 03.50, but in the hotel at 07.20 this morning. Canada House to the hotel is approx 10 minute ish walk. I really don't think he can have been in Canada House all that time, so it does look very much as though the location is getting 'stuck'.

Writing this down has actually helped me a lot - partly getting it off my chest & sharing it for the first time has been good therapy, and all your good advice & support has helped me see how much this is gnawing away at me, undermining our relationship and we do need to get past it together. He's not at all an emotional person, he had a fairly tough childhood home environment, which has made him quite 'hard' and emotionally detached - he would totally agree with this. So he finds it a lot easier to put things like this behind him the most people do, he's had a lot of disappointment early on in life so lots of practice I guess!

I agree with the poster who said they find it hard to believe it only happened once & he got caught out - statistically that must be such incredibly small odds, this is often at the back of my mind & what is making me so sensitive.

Will be having a chat in the coming days, need to clear the air & fix things, I know we both want this to work.

[Autumnchill]

Our FindiPhone is always accurate. I've just tracked my iPad and walked from the front of the house to the back and it moved so it's that accurate.

Im sorry that you're going through this. I've been in a similar situation so completely sympathise.

[ImperialBlether]

I hate to sound like the voice of doom here, but I just don't believe that the one time someone's unfaithful, his phone dials home. It's too much of a coincidence.

Also, I think if someone had been faithful for thirty years and then was unfaithful and caught out, it would be a really traumatic thing for them. Just saying the equivalent of "get over it" doesn't fit with that situation.

[ImperialBlether]

Do you ever call him on the hotel landline?

[ellie264]

Not accurate. I was at work as normal one day, my DP happened to check 'find my friends' and asked me why i was in a residential area a couple of miles away! I was like erm I was at work at that time, and that was the end of that.

[HappyJanuary]

Location Services uses a combination of cellular, wifi, Bluetooth and GPS. In residential areas it's accurate.

[SantinoRice]

If the iPad is showing as in the hotel, and his phone elsewhere, you could FaceTime him to the iPad & then you'll know for sure where he is (next time it happens).

[SocksRock]

the pub my husband goes to usually shows him being at a residential address about a mile away, always the same address. I suspect it is where the only mobile mast he would be able to connect to is located, as we are pretty rural. As there is nothing to triangulate off, it just shows him at that location. So if it repeatedly shows him at one residential address, it may not be suspicious. I know my husband was definitely at the pub, as I was also there...

[Ilovetorrentialrain]

OP could you ring the hotel he's said he's staying at and ask to speak to him or leave a message?

[e1y1]

*Find my iphone does not run through GPS, it runs through internet.

[e1y1]

It should be within 50 meters.

I used to work for mobile phone company.

It can vary depending on whether the device is going through Wi-Fi or mobile network internet at the time of tracking; as when on mobile internet, it "pings" signal back and forth between the nearest cell/mast towers to pinpoint a location.

Wifi of course comes from a fixed router location - whether a home one, business on or public one.

However, it should be pretty accurate.

[GrandadGrumps]

I don't know about that app but 'location services' on his phone is absolutely spot on with pinpoint accuracy

No it isn't. Unless it can get a fix on at least 4 GPS satellites or has wifi switched on and is close to a wifi base which Apple knows the location of, then the location can be a long way out.

[HappyJanuary]

I don't know about that app but 'location services' on his phone is absolutely spot on with pinpoint accuracy, you just need to get hold of his phone.

Think I'd be going to the hotel - wouldn't end things on a suspicion or have him wriggle out of it due to some slight doubt.

[WhyShouldYou]

Tracking is done by multiple different means on the one device. GPS being by far the most accurate. GPS can be turned off to save battery - and can be set to turn off in low power mode. It's also terrible inside buildings. When the GPS is off, mobile phone mast triangulation and known WiFi connection locations are used. This then gives more of a 'best guess' location which can be a long way from the correct position.

[SandyY2K]

for him to better understand why I'm having difficulty moving on.

This is so true.^^

I don't think he realises the magnitude of what he's done to you from his 'get over it' attitude.

Sometimes there are people who don't get it unless they experience it themselves. Knowing your husband as you do, how easily would he be able to get over hearing you having sex with another man.

I'd seriously actually ask him that question next time he says you should get over it or gets angry when you mention it.

I'll bet it would be on his mind for the rest of your marriage and it would cut preety deep as well.

I recommend a book called 'how to help your spouse heal'. If he reads ands understands it, he'll appreciate or get in tune with things that trigger you .. and how traumatic it is.

[Snowkitty]

Well divided opinion as to it's accuracy then.

He doesn't need to check in to wifi at the hotel with this phone - this is his personal phone and he'd use his work phone for that and/or his iPad (which would explain why the iPad was in the hotel when his phone wasn't), and what was said about large buildings and losing the GPS signal would definitely apply here. Of the three locations he's been recently he goes to one of them regularly, usually staying in the same hotel, so I guess the real test will be whether the random residential location where his phone was comes up again or not - if there are repeat visits to exactly the same location then I'll know won't I?

And YES to those of you who have said about this messing with my head!!

Haven't had counselling but I am thinking now it would be a good idea - he'd agree I'm sure and I think we would benefit, me to get over the trauma, and for him to better understand why I'm having difficulty moving on.

[macshoto]

iPhone location tracking depends greatly on the location you are looking at and whether wifi is turned on. In central London with wifi off, I find the location tracking can be several hundred metres off at times. With wifi on it is usually very close. If he's not connected the phone to hotel wifi, it could well be showing the last location it knew where it was.