Horrible holiday (and life really)...help!

[goldsilver]

Have you ever had lots of hopes and expectations for a lovely holiday and then got there and found it to be pretty awful?
I am currently on holiday with my partner. We have been together for three years. The first year was fab! The second and this year...not so. I think I am going through the menopause (rather badly) and I suffer from anxiety and now it seems depression.
I was hoping this holiday would improve things between us and even help me to feel better, but it isn't at all.
I wasn't very well before we came (no idea what it was, maybe a virus, could have been a reaction to HRT) and have still been feeling unwell since we got here.
I booked the holiday cottage. It looked lovely in the pictures...not quite so in reality. It is cramped, tired looking, etc. The garden overgrown.
It has rained almost constantly since we got here on Friday!
My OH told his brother he wanted to treat me because I worked hard to help him with his ex wife taking him to the cleaners ( the end result wasn't as bad as it could have been. I have a degree in law) but I have paid for this lousy holiday.
I don't feel romantic, don't feel like making love, don't feel like doing much at all.
And I don't enjoy our home life (or where we live) either. So I am not looking forward to going home either. I spend every day alone there.
In our first year together, I was happy but now I feel isolated, despairing, depressed and anxious and trapped. It's as if everything has changed.
And this holiday somehow highlights all that.
I have tried really really hard to improve my life but nothing has worked, and doctors also never take me seriously.
Any ideas or should I just jump off the Brecon Beacons now (I'm in Wales!)

Yes and yes. And autocorrect can get us all.
You clearly have some very disordered thinking and are defensive and a bit paranoid. I wish you all the best for your recovery, by whichever means you prefer. Good luck.

Just to say. I prescribe antidepressants and don't get paid a penny to prescribe them. This just doesn't happen in the UK in General practice. We don't see drug reps so they have no influence over our prescribing habits.

Agree they can cause problems and many people should not be on them but they have helped many people, me included.
I would love to use more psychological therapies but they just aren't available and people have to be really motivated to use them.
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Try restarting the HRT. I've been on it 5 days and already my sleep is improving and as a result my mood.

Address the agoraphobia, that's got to be extremely life limiting and is quite a big problem to drip feed in a thread. Regarding research, it depends which bits a person chooses to agree with, and that too often comes down to the personality of the reader and how the research enforces existing beliefs, rather than an analysis of the quality and validity of the research.
For instance, I would doubt the existence of quality research that proves the efficacy of vibration techniques, but accept with that that, if there is some out there, then my personality would likely intervene and dismiss it regardless, same with homeopathy, which interestingly has a larger placebo element than anything, but I concede it's mostly harmless, so if it makes a person feel better than no harm in it.
Medication-wise, no shoe fits all, and if counselling works better, then it makes sense to follow that path, however the mode of action is scientifically proven for most drugs, there is no denying that there will always be some people who have side effects to and meds. But we are all different, and likewise react differently to food and other environmental factors, not just medication. We can all only test the water and find out what works for us as we gain experience. If something doesn't work after a reasonable time given, then move on. Takes time to fathom what our bodies need.

I don't think jumping off the Brecon Beacons would achieve much, as whilst tall they actually slope rather gentley, so you'd probably just sort of stagger down a mild incline at worst.

But I do sympathise, I had a rubbish holiday last year, the toilet was blocked in our room when we arrived by a massive turd

That's an unusual way to travel milky

I don't think jumping off the Brecon Beacons would achieve much, as whilst tall they actually slope rather gentley, so you'd probably just sort of stagger down a mild incline at worst.

They're definitely not all gentle slopes, but I think the Mountain Rescue teams already have more than enough to deal with.

Big pharma? Vibrations aren't woo? Oh goodness. Hesterton and user are speaking sense and picking up on typos is not very dignified. get better the way you want (but in turn I think it would be better if you didnt tell others they're wrong for choosing the way they want). Don't assume that people "innocently believe" their GPs, there is at least a possibility these people are as intelligent as you are but have taken a different view.
Incidentally I agree medication is not always what people need. You don't have a job and you live in an area you don't like and you are not getting on with your partner - of course it's difficult to feel happy in those circumstances. So I'd be saying ok what can i change? Why do we live here, where can I get a job etc

I'm a scientist and I've done some work on antidepressants and placebo stuff. I've also taken ADs.

The effect isn't just placebo. There is a degree of placebo effect (which I won't bore on about too much but I'm part of a team that does the stats to investigate it and make sure trials are designed to take it into account.)
My opinion, both professionally and personally is that depression isn't a monolithic thing. It's an end process. Like fever. Fever isn't a disease in itself it's a symptom of many things. I think depression is similar - it has many roots and many biochemical routes to it.
For that reason, and from my own experience, some ads work great for some people some people respond and some don't, and I see this in the raw trial data.
I've also never felt sick on them - some have had side effects (citalopram made me grind my teeth) but Prozac did wonders for me. Don't discard the idea totally - although of course look into talking therapies.

If it's hot tomorrow why not go swim in the waterfalls at pontneddfechan?

I have to say that I really do think that maybe many of you really are getting the wrong idea about me and where I am coming from. I am suffering from a low mood (mostly meno related I believe and circumstantial) but in terms of where I live, working, changing my life...I have been very proactive but keep coming up against particular walls. If I could move, I would but my partner is tied to the house financially. For me to move would mean leaving him and we are unable to move elsewhere because of the house. Working is also a problem...the area I live in isn't the best for opportunities and agoraphobia unfortunately is an issue. I never sit on my hands and just complain, I have been trying for many years to escape the 'trap' by joining groups, trying to start my own, courses, etc. I think isolation these days can be a big problem as communities are not what they were (at least, where I live).
The advice here has been so supportive and I thank you all for that. It is much appreciated.
The part about ADs, I feel, is very unfair. This isn't about opinions. There are plenty of facts and evidence out there but for some reason, I am frowned upon for saying the truth and an obvious troll like 'user' is welcomed even when they are insulting. There have been so many alarm bells rung about ADs and yet I am accused of being defensive. I think it is very dangerous and irresponsible to prescribe drugs with such potent side effects and lack of knowledge attached to their true efficacy. And this has been shown, time and time again, through scientific data. This isn't my opinion...this is backed up, scientific research. People can choose to receive whatever treatment they wish, but I believe that everyone should be informed. I note Mumset delete my comments but not others suggesting pro ADs, so rather than me waste my energy now, I choose to take the marvellous advice offered by genuine, compassionate people here and thank them for that. But I will never not stand up for what is right and how people should be informed just because of being bullied by people (and even Mumsnet). But thank you to the others and now I leave the conversation totally, and off to enjoy the sun (for as long as it may last!)

Its not truth, its merely your uneducated opinion. You are not informing people you are spreading dangerous lies that could harm others if they take notice of you.

OP, I don't think MNHQ are bullying you. They're just following their own Talk Guidelines and their own ethos. So they will delete posts that, for example, directly call posters trolls.

I too avoid pharmaceuticals and I too have suffered anxiety, stress and depression tied in to an, as yet, undiagnosed health condition. Ended up seeing a medical herbalist and at the risk of sounding dramatic, I believe she saved my life. I was so permanently anxious and stressed my thoughts were not my own and her tonic stopped this. Within days I was able to think more clearly and calmly. Best money I ever spent. But, if you don't do/take something then nothing's going to change.

I hope you come in for a sneaky peak op...as I wondered if this might help you

articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2016/07/14/depression-supplements-vitamins.aspx?utm_source=dnl&utm_medium=email&utm_content=art1&utm_campaign=20160714Z2&et_cid=DM110785&et_rid=1571919437

Interesting comments from formal haut and hacked off do you know what was in your tonic. I make my own herbal tinctures...I'm always interested to learn more.

Herbs are very powerful medecines. I wish I had the time, energy and money to study herbalism. Funnily enough my exh great grandfather was a herbalist in the town and an old neighbour of mine in the 70s and 80s had been a herbalist. Now I don't know of any herbal shops apart from the one in pateley bridge where they actually dispense . There's always baldwins on line of course. I take valerian and sy johns wort if I wake in the early hours. Most times I get back to sleep but if I don't at least I don't get stressed over it.

How long have you been on HRT OP?
I was (according to my family) becoming very strange before the full effect kicked in. I was very fed up, unmotivated, lost all interest in sex, and was short with people and had no patience. Once the HRT kicked in I was back to my old self.
The menopause is not just about hot flushes and night sweats it can have a weird effect on a lot of women, and you might not be on the correct/ best type for you. Definitely go back to your doctor and discuss ALL your problems

I see the primary data from clinical trials of antidepressants- I've seen trials fail where the drug doesn't separate from placebo and succeed where it does. I also see the very, very detailed reports of any adverse effects that occur during trials. everything is reported. For example: patient hit by car outside clinic - breaks femur. This has to be reported! And classed as 'not related.'

Some antidepressants work for some people. The side effects of most ssri types are pretty mild. Loss of libido, weight gain or loss, that sort of thing. They aren't a panacea for all ills by any means, but they are worth a try- they can help just lift you a little so you can take steps to change your situation

St. John's wort is reasonably effective but be aware it can interact with hormonal contraception. Herbal preparations should be used with care - just because it's 'natural' it doesn't mean it's without side effects or risks. Always let your doc know if you're taking any herbs or supplements.

It's definitely worth going to the doc and getting a full physical workup to exclude physical causes. Thyroid (full panel, including TSH, free t3/4 and antibodies, vit d, blood sugars and ferritin.

OP, 13 years ago, I was in a very bad place. I developed panic disorder and associated phobias (fear of vomiting and I stopped eating). I tried anti anxiety meds but I couldn't cope with the side effects. My GP referred me for CBT and it really worked.

I honestly recommend it. Prior to the CBT it dominated my life.

OP, if you go down the CBT route and your referral for CBT via your GP takes too long (IAPT has long waiting lists) then you could go privately and find an accredited CBT therapist via the CBTregisteruk.com. This list contains properly trained and accredited therapists providing this evidence based therapy for problems such as emetophobia, OCD, GEneralised Anxiety Disorder, panic etc. There is also Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (a form of cognitive behavioural therapy) which is particularly helpful for depression and anger (also found at the above website). Try to keep a flexible mind about ADs; I've seen them help kick start recovery for many people - they're not for everyone but they certainly have their place.