Horrible holiday (and life really)...help!

[goldsilver]

Have you ever had lots of hopes and expectations for a lovely holiday and then got there and found it to be pretty awful?
I am currently on holiday with my partner. We have been together for three years. The first year was fab! The second and this year...not so. I think I am going through the menopause (rather badly) and I suffer from anxiety and now it seems depression.
I was hoping this holiday would improve things between us and even help me to feel better, but it isn't at all.
I wasn't very well before we came (no idea what it was, maybe a virus, could have been a reaction to HRT) and have still been feeling unwell since we got here.
I booked the holiday cottage. It looked lovely in the pictures...not quite so in reality. It is cramped, tired looking, etc. The garden overgrown.
It has rained almost constantly since we got here on Friday!
My OH told his brother he wanted to treat me because I worked hard to help him with his ex wife taking him to the cleaners ( the end result wasn't as bad as it could have been. I have a degree in law) but I have paid for this lousy holiday.
I don't feel romantic, don't feel like making love, don't feel like doing much at all.
And I don't enjoy our home life (or where we live) either. So I am not looking forward to going home either. I spend every day alone there.
In our first year together, I was happy but now I feel isolated, despairing, depressed and anxious and trapped. It's as if everything has changed.
And this holiday somehow highlights all that.
I have tried really really hard to improve my life but nothing has worked, and doctors also never take me seriously.
Any ideas or should I just jump off the Brecon Beacons now (I'm in Wales!)

[EBearhug]

firstly imho the Breacon Beacons are always pretty depressing.

No! There's some great walking, and walking always helps. Admittedly it's preferable for it not to be raining, but that does happen sometimes! There are still things to do if it is raining, as has been posted above. (Have had more family holidays in the Brecon Beacons than anywhere else in my life, and I have a century of photos of wet family picnics - but also sunny days!)

Take your mad springer out for a walk and enjoy the fresh air and birdsong and scenery - it's what wellies and raincoats were invented for. But also, getting some exercise and being out in the fresh air should help at least as much as anti-d's.

[ohtheholidays]

Your welcome Gold

I know it's hard it sounds like everything has just come to ahead all at once all at the same time for you.

Like you said it might not have been the HRT it could be a virus,don't underestimate how much the menopause will be taking out of you and with the anxiety and depression as well that could all seriously lower your immune system so it wouldn't be surprising if you have got a nasty virus.

I know it's really hard when you feel so depressed,ill and everything hits you all at once but try and be kind to yourself,try and change one thing at a time.It's frustrating I know when you want everything that you've had enough of sorted out all at once.
But if you tackle one thing at a time any positive changes you make are more likely to stick permanently.

[TheSilveryPussycat]

Well, I too have a degree in psychology... and considerable experience of depression and of a miserable marriage. ADs (the right ones - SSRIs) helped me see clearly enough to end the marriage - and now I don't need them. It can take a while for them to take effect; and a bit of trial and error to fit the right one to your physiology, but it doesn't have to be for all that long.

[kimmy121]

Im nearby. Pm if you want advice on what to see....loads of lovely places and things to do.

Spa at Nant Ddu lodge
Museuem at cyfarthfa park.
Wander round crickhowell or abergavenny
Lunch at the white swan llanfrynach

[Hissy]

All that fluff about research, fear of vomiting etc... That's your depression talking, to protect itself from you getting rid of it.

You're making up excuse after excuse not to make efforts to not feel so bad. That's not logical, that's not you talking. Can you see that?

Get back on hrt and see how you get on. Don't let this depression control you. You can do this

Hope the weather gets better! I do love Wales, but no body goes there for the sunshine

(((Hug)))

[goldsilver]

Thank you again everyone. Did go to the Brecon Beacons yesterday and it did make me feel better :-) I will definitely go back on the HRT and got high strength Vit B yesterday.
Will look into the other therapies but still don't wish to go down the route of ADs. I have had a phobia of vomiting since a child, so it isn't to do with depression. I think ADs do indeed work for some but the evidence does show it is placebo (but they seriously don't want us to know that! Great loss of money). Even the doctors know this but get paid to hand out medication. They are dangerous, so for me it will be alternatives.
Thank you everyone again :-)

[ohtheholidays]

Really glad you had a lovely day,I hope the rest of the holiday goes the same way for you and that the sun is shining

[sianihedgehog]

Op, I have anxiety and a lot of this sounds familiar. I won't take psychiatric medication either, but I've had AMAZING results from CBT. It didn't "fix" me, it just showed me how to deal with things when they come up and avoid the really crippling anxiety buildup. It's well worth going to your GP about this, you can be referred and you don't have to take medication if medication is itself upsetting to you.

[goldsilver]

Thank you ohtheholidays, you have really helped :-) There is a bit of sun, though it doesn't feel like summer...yet! Sianihedgehog, thank you. I got a leaflet given to me about CBT via the docs and will follow it up.

[Hissy]

I had agoraphobia. Doc said ADs, I said I'd rather not due to side effects (had taken loads in my 30s)

She suggested rescue remedy.

I have no idea if it worked or not, but I took it and it made me feel calmer.

Could not care if that's placebo or not, it worked, and that's all it needs to do.

Please don't give up on yourself, you are worth more than fear and doubt and sadness. The depression is an entity you can and must beat.

[MabelFurball]

No ADs are NOT a placebo. They work to alter the brain chemistry back to how it should be. You should know all about this having studied psychology. I have been on and off them over the years and can tell you they are definitely not a placebo. Also as mentioned above, a walk will do masses to improve your mental health and increase serotonin.

[Greenandmighty]

Hi goldsilver, sorry to hear that you are feeling low. I'm also going through menopause after major surgery and also have moments when I feel anxious. A good cry usually alleviates some tension. On a practical note, I recommend Marilyn Glenville's book Natural Solutions to Menopause which has lots of info on the hormonal changes our bodies go through and how good nutrition and health can help the experience. Good luck x

[Thissameearth]

Make up your mind OP: are ADs a placebo or dangerous changer of brain chemistry but in only a negative way? a degree in pyschology (and it sound like you are not practicing anyway so no practical experience?) is not a degree in medicine. It's up to you whether you take med obv, and there are plenty of therapeutic methods as well or in combination with meds that could work, but please don't tell doctors how to do their jobs and don't tell other people that they are wrong or their meds are not making any difference etc. People are not (generally) stupid!

[Smorgasboard]

Maybe there are a few things in your life that you know you need to sort out, but haven't addressed, so are in away disappointed in yourself for not taking action yet. I wonder how it is you say you are alone all day where you live, yet you have a degree in psychology, and a degree in law, do you not work during the day? Even if you don't need to for financial reasons, it can help MH by mixing with people all day and making new friends.
Can you change where you live as you hate it so much? What made you pick to live there?

[user1467101855]

And honestly, this isn't me doing a big headed academic thing, but I have a degree in psychology and know a lot about them from very credible sources, so I avoid them

An undergrad degree in psychology does not give you any qualification, or much relevant info on psych-pharmacology. And given that you think homeopathy is worthwhile, you obviously don't know anything at all about biology, physics or medicine.

See a dr, get treated properly. You seem to be suffering from paranoia as well as depression and anxiety, you may be seriously ill.
Good luck.

[BoxofSnails]

Psychological therapy is as effective as SSRIs for mild to moderate depression, and CBT should get to the root of the subconscious rules leading to where your thinking is at, amongst other things.

You sound an extremely highly qualified lady with degrees in law and psychology but all of us have unhelpful thinking and behaviour patterns and even those of us who are qualified, can't fix ourselves. Nor do relationships fix us.

Have a couple of days out and then once you're home get some help, accept that you can't fix yourself however skilled and qualified you are.

[user1467101855]

Psychological therapy is as effective as SSRIs for mild to moderate depression

Not IS, CAN BE. Very different.

[Dowser]

I'm coming out of a bad patch caused by a lot of stress.

Like you I won have anything to do with ads having spent a couple of years on Valium and chucking them down the toilet when I found out I. Was pregnant( not recommended but I didn't sleep for a week but then I was off them)
I trained as a counsellor and that give me good insights into my own behaviour and mental health and have stayed quite mentally healthy for about 30 years...till a lot of stressful events snuck up on me this year.

Yes to good nutrition. I take oral btotal b vitamins every day. I have a sad lamp to help with tiredness, lethargy. I take a lot of supplements, just had an osteopathy session on Saturday.
I do whatever I can to stay as fit and healthy as I can.

I recognised I was going under in April . Feeling weepy...not me. I'm usually a Boudicea type DH and I spend 24/7 together ( apart from bathroom breaks) so I recognised that it wasn't fair to put it all him and I took myself off to mind. I've had two sessions so far. I'm not top priority . I'm not in danger of harming myself so just go every 3 weeks.

I know my triggers. I was feeling frightened and scared by events beyond my control and time has helped me to work my way through it.

One look at my worried DHs face was enough to get me to pick up that phone and sort it out.

A wet week in Wales is nobody's idea of fun ...if you're feeling under the weather yourself. On the other hand if you're in the first flush of romance snuggling under the duvet together could be bliss. It all depends on your perspective.

So, maybe you need to look to nutrition. Then maybe get someone to talk to. Mind , Relate if you think it's a relationship problem. Are there any losses recent or otherwise that you feel could do with some attention in that Case give Cruse a call. I worked for them as well as relate and they were brilliant.

Btw Valium was useless. I needed to cry it all out. I was only young 23 . Now I know better. The tablets stopped the tears and I turned into a zombie and had another nervous breakdown at a later date.

[Dowser]

Glad you had a good day yesterday.
We are in Wales next week. I love Wales but we stay around Cardiff so if the weather is awful there's lots of retail therapy.

Do you know Cardiff. It's a lovely city and you're only an hour away. Why not get up early tomorrow and spend the day in Cardiff. It's lovely down the bay or there are the free museums in the city if it rains.

You'll have the best of both worlds then

[goldsilver]

That was some interesting answers! Had a feeling that as soon as I mounted my soap box about ADs, it would come to that...defensive comments, and the lovely occasional attack (so helpful!). Love your response hesterton...so honest, and I have felt the same too. Thank you for your reassurance and I too am deficient in Vit D. As many of us are. Thissameearth...excuse me? Nice little attack...but if you really really don't believe me...research it yourself! Look at journal articles (you don't need a degree!) would you like a link? Here you are then; www.bmj.com/content/352/bmj.i217. (this is one of many). The information is actually out there. You need to look at motives and if you are daft enough to think that doctors always know what they are doing...then consider the amount of people who have undetected illnesses despite going to the doctors more times then they remember. ADs can work as a placebo (as in the patient believes they will work because the doctor says they will) AND can also be dangerous (lead to terrible side effects, even death). I'm not telling people they are wrong anyway (that was your assertion) only the doctors. People innocently believe. Smorgasboard, I have agoraphobia, though having two degrees doesn't automatically mean you will find a job (sadly). I didn't pick to live where I do, I live there because of my partner. User(with all those numbers) You know about biology, physics and medicine do you? Have you ever heard of being well read and researching?! I think you should leave the conversation if all you can add is saying someone has paranoia for expressing facts. Simply go away and try not to upset someone else. Just because I don't agree with ADs does not make me seriously ill! Oh dear!
Thank you Dowser. I have an appointment lined up with a counsellor and trying CBT too and going back on HRT and also starting taking Vit B. It takes time but hopefully, in the end, the sun will shine again. I believe also in meditation and trying to heighten vibrational energy. I follow Dr Joe Dispenza's work, it is just trying to be committed to it :-)

[user1467101855]

Yes I'm a scientist with a background in biomedical research, but thanks for the condescending help from your vast experience, you having an undergrad degree.
Your info is wrong, your opinions shaky, and your logic skewed.

You can do what you like with yourself but talking nonsense about drugs that save lives, on a public forum, is irresponsible and dangerous. If you prefer woo silliness like homeopathy and vibrations I sincerely hope it helps you, but you aren't helping others furthering this nonsense about evil big pharma. The drs do actually know note than you.

[goldsilver]

You are a scientist user1467, etc? My info is wrong? So the British Medical Journal is wrong?! Did you even read that scientific report? I don't think everyone agrees that vibrations (and homeopathy) is woo silliness. Part of 'evil big pharma' are you? I rest my case on that one.
And if ADs save lives...how about the ones lost to suicide or don't they count?
Anyway, what does 'The drs do actually know note than you' mean? Or can't a 'scientist' write?