Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does this ring true ?

69 replies

Purplespy · 09/07/2016 16:32

Ive recently posted a thread and left my controlling partner . I've had immense fantastic help from Wonens Refuge they have been truly amazing and kept me as safe as possible whilst undergoing the split and after . However , something has been bothering me and was wandering if anyone thinks thus rings true ....
Just before I left my partner he said

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 17:39

OP - I've PMed you

JackieAndHyde4eva · 09/07/2016 17:42

sorry, that's not true regarding security clearance

They depend on the applicant to go and gather and provide this information? How can they know they havent just taken the information without permission?

And anyway, its not OP's responsibility to help him get a job. If he needs anything from her to get a job he sure as hell should have been treating her better in the years before. He needs to apply for different jobs that dont involve asking other people who he has treated badly for their and their former partner's personal information. I suspect he would be far less accommodating if the shoe was on the other foot.

ImperialBlether · 09/07/2016 17:46

So they need to know whether his ex girlfriend had a credit card? And where his ex girlfriend's ex husband lives? That's complete rubbish.

I'm so glad you're away from this man. Does he still try to keep in touch with you? Does he know where you are now?

TheStoic · 09/07/2016 17:48

If Olenna is PMing you to tell you this could be legit, disregard him/her too.

Do not give your ex partner ANY MORE INFORMATION.

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 17:49

Yes, they ask about partner's financial details. Yes, they can ask about ex-H details.

No, this doesn't mean this is all above board, or that the OP should do anything helpful for her ex-partner. But saying something that could be true is ridiculous isn't helpful either

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 17:52

PM means "private message", but FWIW all I've done is provide the OP with information so that she can, as per her original request, work out whether her partner is spinning her a line about why he has asked for the information. I haven't advised her whether to give him what he has asked for or not

JackieAndHyde4eva · 09/07/2016 17:55

Yes, they ask about partner's financial details. Yes, they can ask about ex-H details.

And they dont ask the actual person whose information they will be using for permission to obtain or use that information?

OurBlanche · 09/07/2016 17:55

They can an do ask about families, of wives and partners, exes, remarriage etc. DH has just had to supply a large amount of information, he didn't have to include banking data, but others we know have had to - different job, different clearance.

But you don't have to OP. You are no longer with him and his behaviour gives him no right to ask. Even if it is above board he has forfeited the right to use you as part of his clearance check. He will only be able to say "Sorry, recent acrimonious split, we no longer have any contact" And if that loses him or his employer a contract, that too is down to him and his behaviour.

So check your bank, check again an again. Let WA and your advisor know what has happened and take their best advice.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 09/07/2016 17:56

So my Exes could all be handing over information that they say is mine to people i have never given permission to collect information on me?

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 17:57

No, they don't Jackie

For example, I told my SiL that I had included their names, addresses, and DoB on my forms out of courtesy, but I wasn't required to

diddl · 09/07/2016 17:58

Surely though they ask him & he supplies what information he can.

He doesn't ask his ex for info that he doesn't know?

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 17:59

Well, I only know about government security clearance Jackie, I don't know what rules apply to other background checks that employers might conduct.

ImperialBlether · 09/07/2016 18:00

I can't believe there are jobs where my ex boyfriend's ex wife would have to hand over information. If there are child protection issues then it's different, eg if you're fostering they can ask whatever they want, but this guy just wants information from you for his own nefarious reasons.

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 18:00

He can ask diddl, his ex doesn't need to tell him and isn't under any obligation (from the government anyway) to tell him.

OurBlanche · 09/07/2016 18:02

Well, DH didn't ask his mum and her 2nd husband, they are both dead. He didn't ask his dad or his 2nd or 3rd wives... they don't live close and we don't see them.

You see they are the security services... it is security clearance. So if OPs ex is in a job that requires security clearance they will ask, and he will respond and he won't have to, or sometime be able to, tell anyone that he has provided such information.

It happens a lot. And I doubt very many people ever know that they have been checked for someone elses clearance.

Banana99 · 09/07/2016 18:07

BS - I would say if it's needed they can liase through refuge worker for details direct.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 09/07/2016 18:13

Oh well if they are the security services they dont need him to tell them anything OP. They can find out all they want. Far more than he could ever tell them. I was going to reiterate that you shouldnt give him anything but I see you've already done it.

Original poster
Purplespy · 09/07/2016 18:23

It was before we split that he asked me and I never told him about card and told him I was unsure of my ex husbands new address but he kept reminding me to get it which I didn't but stupidly gave him numbers . It's just been playing on my mind and annoying me

OP posts:
TheStoic · 09/07/2016 18:27

Don't worry about it now, OP. It's done. Any information you DID give him, he could probably have found out himself anyway.

Just don't give him any more information in the future.

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 18:28

Jackie the Security Services aren't omniscient, they can't just find out "what they want". But one thing that is a big red flag for them is discrepancies between what an applicant tells them and what they find out / know themselves. So if the partner says that there are no credit cards but they see from a credit check that there are 12 in his and his partner's name, they will wonder why he lied and what else he is hiding from them

Again, doesn't make it the OP's problem, but it's better not to make glib posts about things you don't know about

Original poster
Purplespy · 09/07/2016 18:31

IP yes he's tried getting in touch I think using a different number . I never picked up

OP posts:
TheStoic · 09/07/2016 18:34

Again, doesn't make it the OP's problem, but it's better not to make glib posts about things you don't know about

Take your own advice. This woman is in the process of escaping an abusive relationship.

Stop waving your dick around like some kind of secret agent and use your common sense. The only thing the OP needs to know is that she DOES NOT NEED TO GIVE HIM ANY MORE INFORMATION. That is it.

You are clearly very proud of your insider knowledge, but your posts are not helpful in this context.

OlennasWimple · 09/07/2016 18:48

I don't have a dick to wave Hmm

I haven't said anywhere that the OP had to give him anything, nor that she should . She asked whether the story he had given her could be true, so I answered that aspect alone. People chiming in that it's just like a job application or that there's no way he would need to give family addresses are simply incorrect, and I don't think it's particularly helpful to the OP to give her wrong information.

I've shared some knowledge I have of how the system does work, that's all. I hope the OP gets the abusive arse out of her life for good.

ChunkyPunky · 09/07/2016 18:53

I can't link from my phone but UK security vetting levels and info requirements are available on the internet if you google it. Most gov employees and contractors require only basic vetting which wouldn't require him to provide your details at all.

He's bullshitting you. Don't give him any more information.

Original poster
Purplespy · 09/07/2016 18:54

Olennas has given me documented information to help with my question thanks

OP posts: