Boyfriend suddenly disappeared :(

[amypie86]

Me and my boyfriend had only been together for a couple of months, but it felt totally different to anything I'd had before. He said he loved me after probably a week, and I genuinely feel like I'm in love with him. We had discussed a future in detail and I felt so happy with him.

It was my birthday recently, and he said we were going out for a meal in the evening and we had planned to go away for the weekend (all his idea). A few days before my birthday he seemed to suddenly go cold on me so I asked him if he's ok, he said he was fine and just busy at work. He also said he now had to work on my birthday and couldn't get out of it, I was fine with it and didn't make a fuss. He had actually made a joke last time I saw him about not speaking to me while my birthday blows over.

Then my actual birthday arrived, he text me saying happy birthday, didn't say he loved me or anything and then he has ignored every text I've sent him since. I text him asking if we were still going away as I needed to know and he ignored that too. That was nearly two weeks ago. I've only text him twice because I'm not going to chase him, but it's hurt like hell for him to just disappear after saying how in love he is.

I feel like I'm not getting over it, and keep questioning all the reasons why he may have done this. Today I'm having a bad day and can't stop thinking about it :( has this happened to anyone else? I keep wanting to text him asking if I've done something to offend him hoping I can fix it, or ask him what's happened but I don't think it will make me feel any better.

I has this after seeing someone for over a year. He just stopped replying to my texts or answering the phone. I eventually sent him a text saying that if he didn't have the decency to let me know he was alive I was going to come knocking at his door. Within minutes the coward sent me a text saying he was fine but was away for the weekend. I sent him a text saying that even friends don't treat each other like that let alone people that are meant to be in love with each other. Told him it wasn't working for me and good bye:. A year later I still get texts from him saying how he misses me!! Tosser. Onwards and upwards. Reset your boundaries and move on he really isn't worth your attention and also you deserve to be treated better than that.

OP - sorry this happened to you. I've had this happen to me too a few times. The thing is please don't blame yourself. It's hard but it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him with being an emotionally immature coward.

I think men who ghost also don't want to be seen as the bad guy so if they don't officially end it with you in their head they haven't done anything wrong. The worst thing is it sets of this spiral where you question everything you did and the relationship because you have no idea what went wrong.

Let yourself obsess if you have to but just remember in a few months time you won't even think about him anymore. I love this quote by Maya Angelou — 'When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.' He's shown you his true colours. Be thankful it was now and not 2 years down the line when you had his babies.

When he texts you in a few months as if nothing has happened (which he will) - reply 'sorry, who is this?' :)

I'm too old for the dating game, but I think the reason that it is best to go slow is because, even with friends, you have to find out what each other's worst defect is before you know if the friendship is going to last. Now you have found out this fella's worst defect, he is not for you.

The problem now is how are we supposed to know when someone is genuine or not? This guy acted like I was the love of his life, so in the future when I am the love of someone's life and they act exactly how he did, how will I ever know if they mean it? Especially when some of you guys say this happened to you after years together! It's scary how much you don't know what's going on in someone else's mind.

Just to say the whole telling you that they love you in the first week is a big red herring. I have had it twice and they were both twunts. I agree with all the posters who said to block. When you find someone genuine they will be happy to take it slowly.

You lucky lady.

Anyone who tells you he loves you after a week is practically shouting at you to run for the hills.

Do not get in touch. Let him go. Block his number. Unfriend him. Do not check on him.

I keep wanting to text him asking if I've done something to offend him hoping I can fix it, or ask him what's happened.
Put an elastic band around your wrist and every time you feel this way, snap it.

The love of your life won't be in love with you or anyone else within a month of meeting you. Anyone who says that is either playing you or emotionally immature.

You can't love someone you don't know. The worst thing is if you think you know them, because then you are headed for a series of disappointments as you realise gradually that they are a much more flawed version than you thought. Actually that's what you are experiencing right now... you are realising that he's not the person you thought he was two weeks ago.

TBH it's over, and I think you've had a lucky escape. You could have taken years to work out that he's not the one.

Oh and chances are he will be back at some point, unless you contact him now to tell him how angry and hurt you are (don't do that FGS!).
When he returns, try to be in a position where you have almost forgotten his name, but if you haven't pretend that you have. Don't let him back in, even if he's been in a major accident and his parents were murdered and his phone was stolen all the hour after he sent you the birthday text.

The way to figure out if someone is genuine is ask yourself if it feels too good to be true.

Real love takes time.

Discussing the future in detail after only a few months, feeling completely different - all of this is the work of someone who is playing you.

I had the same happen to me a few years ago, but after 5 months together, he was the same huge declarations of love after a week & saying I was a keeper etc, then puff no contact after a weekend together. Have realised he was a future faker, in lust & got carried away. Be aware of him trying to contact you again in the future, mine did for 2 years straight, which didn't help with my healing!

Look into doing the 'Freedom Programme' on line.
Might help you spot red flags far sooner.
Also to help you set your own boundaries.
Red flags were flying with this guy from week 1.
He's a cock who was likely to turn into a cocklodger!
Avoid.
Block him on facebook.

I'm so sorry you've gone through this but yes, this has happened to me to about eight years ago. We were seeing each other most weekends for six months (he lived in London, I live in the North Midlands).

After a trip to York, he suddenly cut all contact but I could see what he was buying on Ebay (stuff for his kitchen) and that he'd just been made a Director of a London based travel firm specialising in the far east. I did a bit of digging and found out that he was in fact still married (not separated as he'd told me) and still living with his wife. I found this through his wife's social media account and her work website (high-profile creative position in the arts). We'd talked about marriage and children too and talked about buying a house near his home town (near me).

Some men just like to lead double lives. You can do some digging to find the truth but it will still hurt.

Sorry this has happened to you OP, he sounds like a twat.

My rule of thumb in relationships is not to look any further ahead than the current length of the relationship (at least until the point where you're solidly committed - mortgage, marriage, kids, etc). So if you've been together two months, don't make plans more than two months into the future. If you've been together nine months, don't sign a year-long tenancy agreement together or book a holiday for a year's time. Stuff like that. It does help you understand that relationships can disappear as quickly as they develop.

Don't give this guy a second more of your time. He lied to you and made you think he was in love with you, so lie to him and make him think you fucking hate him and never want to see him ever again.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, but I can honestly say, you will get over this loser.

It was about 22 years ago, when I was 21, I had a whirlwind romance with someone who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, we got engaged, I let him into my life, We were together only for about 5 months. But I loved the bones of him. One evening he was going to play football with his friends then go on out afterwards, then come home (we were staying at my parents at the time).

I can still remember waking up & him not beside me. We didn't have mobile phones then, so I couldn't contact him. I never saw him again.

It was hell for a while, but I got through it & I know I had a lucky escape. I've got a great husband with 2 great kids now, so these things have a way of working themselves out.