Boyfriend suddenly disappeared :(

[amypie86]

Me and my boyfriend had only been together for a couple of months, but it felt totally different to anything I'd had before. He said he loved me after probably a week, and I genuinely feel like I'm in love with him. We had discussed a future in detail and I felt so happy with him.

It was my birthday recently, and he said we were going out for a meal in the evening and we had planned to go away for the weekend (all his idea). A few days before my birthday he seemed to suddenly go cold on me so I asked him if he's ok, he said he was fine and just busy at work. He also said he now had to work on my birthday and couldn't get out of it, I was fine with it and didn't make a fuss. He had actually made a joke last time I saw him about not speaking to me while my birthday blows over.

Then my actual birthday arrived, he text me saying happy birthday, didn't say he loved me or anything and then he has ignored every text I've sent him since. I text him asking if we were still going away as I needed to know and he ignored that too. That was nearly two weeks ago. I've only text him twice because I'm not going to chase him, but it's hurt like hell for him to just disappear after saying how in love he is.

I feel like I'm not getting over it, and keep questioning all the reasons why he may have done this. Today I'm having a bad day and can't stop thinking about it :( has this happened to anyone else? I keep wanting to text him asking if I've done something to offend him hoping I can fix it, or ask him what's happened but I don't think it will make me feel any better.

Apologies if I'm wrong but I would guess he's no longer interested and is being a complete coward about it. I would suggest you block him online and delete his number rather than torturing yourself any further.

I have known quite a few men who fall head over heels and say I love you, talk about the future, all that jazz straight away. Then they lose interest just as rapidly. Maybe they realise the intense feeling is lust not love, maybe they realise the new woman isn't perfect but as normal as the rest they've dated. They need to grow the f up.

For some guys, merely getting into your knickers on false pretended just ain't enough. They've got to make you fall in love with them, as well. That's victory to them and their mates.

I think it's typical of ghosters to seem so full on then nothing.

BTW guy number 6 on that list really boils my piss, he knew she wanted more than just sex but he didn't and he just shagged her and ghosted her ffs what a twat.

For whatever reason he has decided not to continue the relationship and has elected to go for the most cowardly way to exit from it. In short he is being an utter shit and is hoping that radio silence will make you go away. Don't chase him to find out why or to get some kind of closure, you will drive yourself mad. Tough as it is delete his number and remove him from social media and move on. You deserve better. In future treat anyone who claims they love you within a week of meeting as a massive red flag.

Hi there Amypie

Just wanted to add how sorry I am that this has happened to you. It is absolutely heartless and cruel of this 'man' (and I use the term loosely..jackal comes to mind) to treat you so shabbily.

I am a great believer in the phrase 'what goes round, comes'....

I did internet dating for years and it didn't work for me unfortunately. However, I did learn very early on that there are 'players' that stalk these websites who keep a number of girls bubbling away for months, years even - going from one to the other and back again. The only thing good thing that has come out of this is that you avoided that indignity.

I admire you having the strength not to contact him and flattering his fragile ego even more.

There is someone out...just gotta keep kissing those frogs!

Regards

MrsC

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sounds like he was playing you.

Please don't go down the road of believing him in a few months if he gets in touch to say he's really sorry he was just busy with work, or he panicked about how serious it was getting blah blah. I do agree with Berger (from Sex and The City!) that he's right when he says that with men there are no mixed messages. If he doesn't contact you, then he's just not that interested.

Delete his number and his Facebook account from your life and forget he exists (easier said than done I know). Definitely don't text him and make it clear you are hurt which will only stroke his ego.

Thanks for your replies everyone it has helped a lot and some of them have made me laugh! I do feel like I trusted him so much and for him to do this makes me feel like I won't trust anyone again. I've been hurt a lot in the past and felt like I'd finally found the guy for me when I met him. And the way it's happened has hurt me so much.

It is quite possible he couldn't afford the birthday presents/weekend away. He earns significantly less than me and for the last month I've paid for everything (red flag) because he had a big bill to pay. He said it was his turn to pay for everything while we are away and all the meals out etc. I did tell him there is no need to do that and that I don't expect any big presents or fancy meals.

I feel better than I did last week, but still keep having down days where I can't get it out of my mind.

The first time I saw this happen in rl was when I was young (pre dating age). He was dating an older friend and we all socialised a few times. He seemed really lovely and open and just the right amount of attentive to friend. I thought what a great couple they make. Something to hope for. A few weeks later he ghosted my friend after he got what he wanted. I couldn't believe it! He'd effectively spun a line to all of us. We were all taken in.

Hi Amy, sorry this has happened but you had a lucky escape from a nob.
He ain't with you because he doesn't want to be with you, simple as that. He has probably kept you on Facebook so that when he gets bored or feels like more mind games he can get in touch.
You deserve better. Block and delete and do not cyberstalk. Consider the Freedom course so you can identify idiots like this in future and avoid .
Hug for you. Onwards and upwards

I'd highly recommend the book 'He's Just not that into you' - it will cheer you up, make you laugh, and help you recognize yourself and this guy for what it was - and arm you for the future in case he rears his head again.

It does sound a bit like the weekend away was an elaborate lie constructed to make you pay for everything in the run up to it. I also don't believe that he had a 'big bill' to pay, again a lie to make you pay for everything.
I'm angry on your behalf.

What a knob jockey op.

You are well shot but right now it hurts.

He's a horrible cowardly human.

Block him on everything and move on.

Next guy you meet, take it all a LOT slower. All the over-the-top and too-much-too-soon gestures are a huge red flag. Now you'll know not to fall for them again.

It hurts, it's shit. It's a harsh lesson to learn.

Best of luck.

It hurts a lot today. I've felt OK the last couple of days but I'm back to being sad about it today. I feel like I'm driving myself mad wondering why he has done it, even though I'm never going to know for sure. He seemed so nice and was always acting like he was totally in love with me, that's why it's so hard to understand. Makes me feel totally stupid

Amy - block him from everything. Then you can stop wondering if he will text. He won't. The way I look at it now is, they know where I live, if they're genuinely sorry they'll come and find me. It stops the confusion and the constantly looking at your phone plus it prevents any complete sad stalker behaviour from yourself

You're not stupid, he just took advantage of your kindness. He's the idiot for not being able to commit to something or be truthful.
You will be heartbroken because you fell the person he made you believe he was.

Listen, you have contacted him on numerous occasions and he has ignored you. He doesn't deserve to be with someone like you, so now you need to block him on everything.

Organise something fun with friends and keep yourself busy. Eventually, the pain will ease and you will keep your eyes wide open when you next meet someone.

I guess ghosting can happen at any point in a relationship. 17 years ago the bloke I lived with did it to me! I came home from work to find he had cleared all his stuff out. He ignored all my phone calls and I never saw or heard from him again. He just disappeared.

Fucking twatty behaviour and im sorry you're going through it.

If he came crawling back would you ever be able to trust him again? Block him and get on with your life. Awful for you but don't make it worse for yourself by hoping.

He sounds like a[[http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/future-faking-is-like-the-emperors-new-clothes/ Future Faker] .

Gutless shit. Be glad he did it, he could have done something much worse and stayed.
Block him
Look ahead
Never look back
Stop yourself thinking about him- make yourself do something - read, go for a walk, make a cake, watch a film, anything.
Never, ever speak to him again under any circumstances.
You don't need to know anything more ever. He has shown you exactly who he is.

Op this has literally just happened to me and i've been surprised how devastated i've been. Mine just contacted me today after he realised I wasn't just going to let the matter drop. I had a very casual cheery text which just dropped in 'my ex is back in the area and i'm back together with her' when just a week ago I was in his bed. He didn't apologise or show any sign he knew he'd done something wrong. We hadn't been together long so it's a bit different but the last week of knowing i'd been dropped but not why was fucking agony and humiliating.

Honestly we're better off without these men. I feel very sad but that will pass and i'll look back with relief that I dodn't marry the bastard. I pity his new/ex girlfriend. What a catch!

Lessons to learn:

1/ Nobody genuinely falls in love with anyone in a week. It just isn't possible because you are a complex, wonderful individual and who can anyone really know the real you in ONE WEEK? or even two months?

Yes, there are those who fell in love at first sight because it's a fluke that the idea of the person in their head matched up enough to the actual person, once they got to know them.

2/ some people are fucked up and insecure and need to create a fantasy world. He is one of them - nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong. You could have been exactly what he was searching for all his life, and he would have ran away in panic at actually finding you.

3/ not worth you. Fuck em.

What is he, 12?! Actually, that's an insult to the 12 year olds I know who have girl/boyfriends!