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Original poster

Do you think he likes me?

70 replies

FoolishAtNearlyForty · 03/07/2016 20:06

Please forgive the schoolgirl title, I'm so out of practice with this sort of thing and am working myself into a gibbering wreck. I need some clear-headed advice!

There's a guy I really like at work, I think he likes me too but I can't quite bring myself to believe it - he's younger than me, great personality and bloody gorgeous.

We've known each other a while and have always got on well, but have recently started to spend lunch breaks together quite a lot and have been out after work for drinks a few times, sometimes with a group of colleagues but mainly just the two of us.

He's so lovely with me, he opens doors, buys me drinks (I do reciprocate when he lets me, obviously!), hand on my back when trying to get through a crowded pub, little brief touches etc. But then I think maybe he's just a real gent and I'm reading too much into these things.

We've always had a bit of a flirty banter thing but it's changed somehow, he's quite a confident personality generally but lately he seems shy and a bit awkward around me sometimes.

Anyway, on Friday we went for a quick drink after work and I mentioned I'd be away next week so wouldn't be about - the next thing he's picked up my phone, saved his number for me and called himself.
So now we have each others numbers but I'm too bloody scared to text him without a reason Blush

So does any of this sound promising at all or is it all easily explained away as just friends?

OP posts:
Original poster
FoolishAtNearlyForty · 04/07/2016 07:29

See that's where my mind naturally wanders too, the many worst things...

Also, we do have to work together so I'm keen to avoid making anything awkward. Probably would have text already if we didn't!

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 04/07/2016 17:06

I didn't mean to get all depressing! But I don't believe it's your job to think of a casual-sounding/witty/pithy little text to send him. Let him do it, you're busy, you've got more important stuff to do!

Most women today chase the Hell out of men. Ask a man. They get casual-sounding/witty/pithy texts from women EVERY HOUR.

Stand out, don't bother, stay cool! He knows how to contact you. If he's that keen, he will.

Summerlovinf · 04/07/2016 17:06

He's not shy if he took your phone and added your number. I'd try to chill out, don't read too much into this and see what happens next time you see him. You've told him you're away so wait and see if he texts you when you're back.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 04/07/2016 17:12

No men are ever truly too shy to make at least SOME kind of move on a woman they REALLY like.

My DH is agonisingly shy, but he managed to secure a date with me, and then keep up a lovely, funny, charming and sweet pursuit until I was in the bag. :)

Babymamamama · 04/07/2016 17:14

Yes that sounds promising. That's how I met my dp. Let it develop naturally. Don't feel you need to discuss what's happening or not happening. Maybe have a few cocktails with him one night. Might lead to a kiss?

Somerville · 04/07/2016 17:24

How much younger is younger?

As long as the answer isn't 'well over a decade' and as long as there aren't rules against that kind of thing in your workplace, then I think you should text. He might feel he's left the ball in your court by doing that with your phone.

I'm 39 and was in a situation somewhat like this - met through work, him younger than me (4 years). Ball left in my court and I emailed. But I knew he liked me already - he told my friend. I know, like teenagers! Grin

That was 5 months ago and right now he's bent over my dishwasher trying to fix it. Smile

Original poster
FoolishAtNearlyForty · 04/07/2016 18:04

No not over a decade, not quite anyway.

Anyway, I've done it.
Nothing flirty/stupid/witty or whatever, just something we were chatting about.

I figured he wouldn't have given it to me if he didn't want me to use it.

Crap, I feel like a 14 year old again!

OP posts:
Somerville · 04/07/2016 18:10

Well done. Smile

Hope you get a response that makes you happy.

ImperialBlether · 04/07/2016 18:13

What's the age difference, OP?

ImperialBlether · 04/07/2016 18:14

I think the fact he swapped numbers like that is very promising.

Original poster
FoolishAtNearlyForty · 04/07/2016 18:38

9 years, that's not too much really is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
FoolishAtNearlyForty · 04/07/2016 18:40

I mean, I know it's quite a bit, but not HUGE.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 04/07/2016 18:48

9 years is ok. And imo he has made a move - he made sure you swapped numbers. It's 2016 - men don't have to do all the chasing. So he gives you a number, you text him, it goes on from there.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 04/07/2016 18:52

I'm happy and excited by this thread! Please keep us posted! I love a sweet dating thread. 💕

But, Gablian, I respectfully disagree with your theory that the fact it's 2016 makes any kind of difference to dating. :)

Original poster
FoolishAtNearlyForty · 04/07/2016 19:11

That's the way I'm optimistically looking at it Gabilan.

Nothing ventured etc.

Anyway, off to keep my mind occupied now Wine

OP posts:
Original poster
FoolishAtNearlyForty · 04/07/2016 19:12

Because the pessimist in me needs to keep distracted.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 04/07/2016 19:15

Well women now have the vote, the right to education, they are granted university degrees, there is equal pay legislation and women can readily take paid work outside the home. They don't have to be economic dependants desperately trying to attract a man, any man, in order to keep them. They don't have to put up with a model of an ideal woman as passive vessel. Women can go out and do things. Personally I don't want a man who can't cope with these ideas.

It is 2016 not 1816. Gender roles have changed.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 04/07/2016 20:14

It's not about the passive vessel/economic dependency stuff... It's more like this:

A man will quite happily spend time with, and shag, a woman he is honestly not very keen on. He will never tell her he's not keen. He'll just never make that much of an effort. Years can pass. Kids can come along. It's a headfuck. Yes, it's sexist to label that as a "man" issue, but the truth is that women are still less inclined to hang out with people they don't like. (Hence women initiating 70% of divorces.)

Men who aren't that bothered don't make an effort. Right from the beginning. They wait for women to text/call/chase them, because they can afford to wait, because they're not bothered. If the woman doesn't contact him, he doesn't care. He doesn't become more interested in her, he really doesn't care either way.

So, it's just common sense not to make the first move with a guy. Because that enables the men who aren't bothered to fall through the net. You don't chase them, they don't chase you, everything's fine. They get sieved out, leaving you just with the men who ARE bothered about you.

NickCleggsSlippers · 04/07/2016 20:21

WhatsGoingOn are you a man or a woman?

AbsolutelyIDo · 04/07/2016 20:21

Good luck op!

WhatsGoingOnEh · 04/07/2016 20:27

I'm a woman. Why?

Thisisnow16 · 04/07/2016 20:28

Whatsgoingon couldn't of put it better myself. Exactly, wish the other long running thread would listen to this advice. Yawn.

NickCleggsSlippers · 04/07/2016 20:50

Because it seems a little harsh that a woman would categorise all men that may be a little shy in chasing as not all that interested Confused if a man came onto the boards and said that women are more than happy to shag people for the long term just for the sake of it when not that interested, you'd find a lot of unhappy ladies.

All women are different and all men are different, I say this because one of my best friends is a very handsome and intelligent man who is currently texting me saying he's shit scared to text a lady who he very obviously has a spark with. He's afraid of rebuttal and that he isn't good enough. He is literally screaming out inside for her to email or text him, and perhaps the OP's chap is too.

Not all men are as shallow as the ones you have described, the men in my life certainly aren't.

Thisisnow16 · 04/07/2016 20:56

I might start a thread 'are men shy'. In all my life the only time I got mixed signals rather than a direct approach was due to finding out they were already in a relationship hence the push/pull mixed signals thing going on. Only my opinion though happy to be proved wrong Blush.

NickCleggsSlippers · 04/07/2016 20:59

I don't doubt for a second that some men will feck about just for the sake of it, and I don't doubt either that some will be married and play mind games and whatever else. But to say a woman should never chase a man because all men will happily bang anything that moves just for a laugh is pure sexist horseshit.