I will try to be concise.
Had a child aged 22 - abusive relationship - I tried to make it work. We separated when the little one was 4.
I got married age 30 to someone I had known since school. We were a couple for about 3 years before we married. For religious reasons we only moved in together when we got married. We moved to a different area for his job, new school, everything. My daughter was about 7 and after a year she started calling him dad - happy little family.
Husband was born with a serious facial disfigurement. We get a lot of stares, comments, pointing laughing etc. when we go out.
Husband was starting a degree as a mature student when we got married. We decided to wait till he finished for children so it would not be stressful with a newborn and essays, exams at the same time.
Degree finished. All set. Only I find our savings for a deposit have been completely drained. I was scrimping and saving and even took extra cleaning jobs alongside my office job for extra cash.
It turns out that he had been spending it on prostitutes. Apparently, as a teenager with his disfigurement he reckoned he would never find a girlfriend, so he turned to prostitutes. And he says he got addicted, he meant to stop when he got married but he found he couldn't . Fortunately my daughter was with relatives for Easter at the time because I had a mini breakdown. Then my husband started having a heart attack. We called the in laws, ambulance to hospital. It turns out that it wasn't a heart attack, just stress. We all went home, my husband tearfully told them the whole story. They blamed me and I have not seen them or heard from them since. He keeps in touch it seems, but he is very secretive about it.
He went to therapy a few times them said it is too expensive. It has also come out that when we were dating he deliberately made himself seem like my dream guy because he thought no one else would ever marry him. After we got married and realised relationships require work he decided it was too hard and he now, pays the rent and bills, produces dirty washing up and watches the footie.
I am working in a low paid job. I have postgrad qualifications in a saturated industry. Because of family property in my name (long story, but I don't benefit from it or get a penny) I am not entitled to benefits. I can not afford to live alone. My only option is to move back in with my mum in another city but that's a stressful situation in itself and would involve more upheaval for dd. I am stuck in this dead marriage.
We are polite to each other, we go on bike rides as a family, my daughter does not know anything is wrong but I'm sure feels the tension.
I find him repulsive now. It was his character that made me see past his looks. In the past three years you can count one one hand the number of times we have slept together. He says he does not use prostitutes now but who knows.
The thing is my dream has always been for a happy family and children.
My family has early menopause. It is a 1 in a hundred chance I could divorce, meet someone lovely and have kids in the next few years.
Do I have the children I have dreamed of with this man I loathe?
New username for privacy.