Husband left and the kids know cont.

[Attheendofmytether1]

Just looking for some advice and reassurance really.
On from my last threads, husband wanted to separate but live short term at home after a history of affairs (on his side).
I was devastated and felt I had no choice but to tell my four DC (he wanted to keep it secret for a while).
I asked him to leave and he is now sleeping at his aunt's home.
For the last week he has been here every waking minute and going to his aunts after DC in bed about 9.30pm.
He's always asking me am I ok and why I have him 'restricted' on FB and yesterday he said I was 'different' because I was just getting on with life and not crying.
I had to go to a work mixer last night so he slept on the sofa and has been here all day.
It has just got too much and feels too normal and was breaking my heart so I asked him to leave and go to his aunts about 6 as he was going out tonight to a leaving do at work . He was furious and said he wanted to get ready here and 'not to cause a fuss' but I insisted.
I feel guilty but I think for myself it was the right thing. I need space to heal. He is playing with my mind and giving me hope.
My anxiety is sky high and have Mae cakes and bread to keep my hands busy.
How do I get over my soulmate

Your MIl sounds okay so do you think if you approach her and explain how difficult you find him being there, that the atmosphere is toxic and that you need space to look after yourself and the kids she might pressure him to stop being a dick?

Mil is trying to stay out of it. She would not allow him to stay there and has been very supportive if not giving advice.
I've took all your advice regards eating and have made myself a beautiful steak sandwich and eat it I front of him.

:) :)
Enjoy!

Thank you. It was lovely but my stomach is not happy now

That looks Delicious .. well done.. you might be going in hardcore though..
You might need to drink milk, yoghurt, some scrambled egg..

Can I just add one thing..You don't miss him you miss the man you thought he was..

I know that. I think I made it just to piss him off.
It's came back up.

I'll try soup tomorrow.

Try things that slide down or are easy to swallow.

Like yoghurt, baked beans soup, eggs, porridge /weetabix/ready brek, grapes, ice cream.

Eat little at a time. Your stomach has shrunk with not eating so much, so large portions will be painful to digest.

I hope he has left now. And I hope you have told him doorstep pick up only. Or are you hoping that him seeing you in pain will make him change his mind - because it won't. And I agree with PP, the many you thought he was is long gone. This new version is not the man you fell in love with and nothing you can say or do will change that.

You need to stop messing around with your food. You owe your children a mother who is fit to look after them. Eat normal meals at normal times and stop aiming your eating behaviour like a weapon. Never mind your ex husband, he doesn't figure in your parenting any more.

Thank you all for your frank comments.
I think I should just say, I am doing my utmost to make sure my 4 DC are not affected.
There are only a very few people who know how awful I feel.
My DC get three nutritious meals a day and lots of love and attention.
I arranged a tea party for my eldest two and their friends and smiled all the way through.
I agree I made myself that meal to annoy him but I don't want him to see how devastated I am anymore.
I'm doing what I need to to get thru. Yes I should insist on him not coming here but something is holding me back.
He left last night after DC were in bed and less than an hour later was messaging me asking was I ok?!?

And are you glad of that ? That he is constantly asking if you're OK?

Probably yes tbh. I just get confused. Why does he care?

Block him. At least for a few hours. You need to stop hearing from him trying to manipulate you.

he doesn't care - he just loves the power. You are allowing him to play cat and mouse with you. Stop doing the pick me dance and tell him to fuck off. Where is your backbone?

You need to be strict with yourself. Set a time of day eg. 7pm, and only look at the messages then.
Don't let him in the house - do it for the DC if not for yourself it is not good for them to have false hope/worry that you will get back together again.
Let people know how you feel, to some extent this means the DC. Do you want them thinking that when a relationship breaks up they are supposed to smile through it? Being sad is okay!

Thank you. I know I need to suck it up.

Ok so I'm so confused.
Taking everything on board, I am trying to live for me and DC.
I've asked him to make proper contact arrangement and am eating and trying not to dwell on him.
I've had a lot of advice to have a 'fling' with someone else to get over him. This isn't me (only ever had sex with him) so I signed up temporarily last nite to a dating sit and put that I had four kids (my biggest hang-up is no one else would have me).
It was a ego boost and nothing else.
He seems somehow to have found out and is furious. I feel so stupid.

A fling is stupid advice.

But he has no right to be furious. So just smile if he mentions it.

But how did he find out? Did you tell anyone? Could he be monitoring your internet?

If he has found out, then he is either logged into your e-mail account, or he has an account himself and has spotted your picture. Which makes him both a cunt and a hypocrite.

I have never in my life said to a woman after a break up that nobody else will have them, they're hard enough and I don't understand the need to cause more pain. It is eying obvious that you can do better.

Do as you were and concentrate on the children. Do not let him get you down over something that has nothing to do with him.

Oh, and change all your passwords asap.

I have a feeling he can somehow see my accounts. Have changed FB password (tho I only use messenger) and have deleted my email account.

If you go through Facebook settings, you can ask it to log out of any other devices you may be logged in to (assuming you haven't done this already)

Yes done that thanks Valhalla 😊

Hi Attheend how are things with you now?