Court of Mumsnet ruling needed please.

[prufrock]

I would very much like the honest opinion of the court of Mumsnet on a small disagreement dh and I are having. I promise that I will abide by your judgement.

My dh is a truly wonderful man. We are very happy. He works extremely hard - too hard IMO (he's out of the house 6:30 - 6:45 and does at least 2 hours work every evening) in a very well paid job. I am a SAHm and part-time student, with childcare 2 mornings a week and a cleaner. I therefore do everything at home, finances, organising etc, though he does do his share at weekends.

I think (as often happens) it's not the task itself, it's how you feel. IE youfeel a bit iffy about not being in paid work at the moment so can start to feel paranoid and resentful at any suggestion that you're Wifey rather than a person.
FWIW doing the calendar is no big deal that I can see, but your feelings about it kind of suggest that you need to make sure you're getting at least some time every week to do stuff that benefits you rather than The Family, whether it's keeping in touch with your line of work or taking up a hobby.

Doesn't really matter what you decide as long as you are both convinced that you are equal partners in your life together and it sounds like you're not sure from your reference to yourself as 'junior' team member. Probably part of the Am-I-good-enough-guilt complex that so many women seem to have. It's funny how these little things serve to illustrate more fundamental feelings. I get really ratty with dh when I 'have' to remember things like, oh I dunno, his brother's birthday and stuff, but I should shut up really as he really does pull his weight, but is disorganised. Bless.

Had similar conversation with my DH last week! He got bit stressed when I'd previously booked an appointment and was going out on a day when he had one too - but his wasn't on the calendar.
We concluded, afer exasperation, that our bookings sheet is the home calendar and we are responsible for our own commitments, therefore we cannot expect either party to be responsible / accountable (at home, oh please!) for the other's inability to write it down. If one or other of us forget, then that party has to make alternative arrangements! (obviously we do compromise from time to time)
He's much better about things now and is interested in what we do at home which is positive.
My DH is wonderful too. He thinks I'm so good at multi tasking that I can read his mind....victim of my own success! Answer to that one: be less effective. Result: DIY

And by the way, I don't agree that men are incapable of dates and diaries, otherwise they'd miss the football, favourite programmes, meals out (I could go on). So it a case of being considerate to each other. We all have days when we forget things, so consideration and compromise helps.
If we always 'do' then it will always be expected - same goes for children: and I'm not cleaning up behind everyone all my life, because no other wotsit would do it for me!
Oops - was I ranting?!

didn't read the whole post but could he phone you and leave an answer phone message? that way, you don't have to log onto pc and if, like us, you keep your calendar next to the phone in the hall, then you can just write it when you get the message?

I think you should just write it on the calendar. You are at home alot more than he is and its therefore easier for you to do it. Pointless making something so small into an issue about you being a SAHM. He obviously doesn't have a problem with it so neither should you.

Thanks for the sympathy KFC!

He's home now and I've told him that the court ruledin his favour and he thanks you all. He also told me that he does not see me as being either his dogsbody or a drain on his resources and that I was being rather stupid to think either. And I agree with him.