Sulky hubby silent treatment

[Jellybabey]

Hi x
Does anyone else get the sulky silent treatment from DH/partner for days/weeks accompanied by a side of pure nastiness?

Im on day 4 of being completely blanked by my so called husband. This happens every 2 or 3 weeks lately... everythings fine, better than fine, we buzz off eachother, laugh lots, have the same common goals, morals we bloody love eachothers company... then i say a syllable that he doesnt like and thats it...party's over... im a *** then he shuts down, ignores me, sleeps in guest bedroom (as long as there are no guests in there 😀,) he wont eat food ive prepared or even drink a cup of coffee that ive made. Its fuckin weird. Then slowly after a few days he will respond to my cheery "good morning" with a grunt (thats
called progress in my book) then i know the ice is thawing. A few hours or days later we will be 'normal' so long as i have apologised for my 'part' and he gets the opportunity to defend his.
Then we go back to happy, lovely us, planning our future and buzzing off eachother until... yep i say tomaaaato instead of tomatoooo.

I love my DH for all his qualities and he is amazing when hes in a good place i adore him, we literally buzz together so im not leaving him. I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this or has any advice?

My personal record was about 8 weeks . No talk, no laughs, just enough polite acknowledgment in front of the children and other families, no coffees,doing his own ironing etc. All of it done calmly and cruelly, so I couldn't complain that he was being abusive.
Me: I think we need to talk about this
Him: OK what do you want to say?
Me: why aren't you talking to me?
Him: I am! What shall we talk about?
And etc

(BTW this was over doing something nice for HIS (grown) child without telling him . I'm actually shakey just remembering it

Sorry jelleybaby, all went a bit me me me there!
I sympathise with you.

This is all about control and is a miserable way to be living. My ex husband was like this and I only realised how stressful it was when I felt strange months after we separated. The strangeness was the knot I usually felt in my stomach disappearing. I was so stressed living on egg shells with him it took months of living alone to get rid of the anxiety.

I found the Lundy Bancroft book Why does he do that? very helpful.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B000Q9J0RO/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

I hope you find the strength to leave, it took my husband having an affair (and repeatedly telling me I was crazy until I had proof) for me to finally leave. I am much happier now and cannot believe what I was conditioned to believe was normal by my ex.

OMG and you have a child in this awful situation.
Yes OP, it's time to get out.

Look up 'stonewalling abuse' and as a previous poster advised, ready the Lundy Bancroft book.

Once you are out and away, contact Womens Aid and enrol on their Freedom Programme.
You've been controlled your whole life and you need to understand how to NOT put up with it anymore, The Freedom Programme will help you with that.
Get your little boy and get out.
AND DO IT FAST.... while he is ignoring you and you have your anger.

So basically he treats you like crap every few weeks because of a word you said he didn't like, this is so abnormal it's not even funny, you don't have to suffer this OP, he is completely bullying you and getting off on it at the same time, what's normal about that?

Up to you but it's not a life I think anyone else would want.

Its about power and control and its dangerous. You are being groomed o/p to accept the abuse he dishes out and to still love him, even worship him as it seems to comes over in your post here..
You need to get the book Why does he do that? off amazon and get some psychological insight into what is often an escalating, abusive behaviour.
Stay safe.

Sulking is the worst behaviour. It grinds you down, bit by bit. My XH did this and I've had friends try it too. You end up apologising, and then think 'what the hell for?!'

Tell him to feck off.

I do t get it because if he tried it once I'd be looking for new partner, grow up, talk or fuck off, life's far too short to walk on egg shells around a fuck wit.

because if he tried it once I'd be looking for new partner, grow up, talk or fuck off, life's far too short to walk on egg shells around a fuck wit

I agree.^^^ I would not have this in my marriage. If I definitely did something wrong then I might understand, but it's not a good way to deal with problems.

I can't imagine having a child being in the middle of such nonsense. But because the OP and unfortunately other women like her put up with this, the abuser continues.

What a poor example of a dad he's being with this behaviour.

Thanks for caring and sharing your thoughts and advice. I dont want to come over all butter wouldnt melt as i totally retalliated and gave as good as i got ... and then some!

So today we have made some progress, i apologised for my part, he has kind of accepted my apology but hasnt apologised to me. He will...eventually... begrudgingly. And there is the problem...... "eventually" every second sulking is a happy second wasted. Lifes too blumin short

I hear what some of you say that hes controlling but i think hes just super sensitive and uber stubborn. When hes 'up' he is a kind hearted generous thoughtful man, hes the type that rescues spiders, kids love him including my son, he cares about old people, hes caring, just a decent person. I honestly dont think hes the controlling type you hear about.

I keep planning to talk to DH about his sulking when he's come around, then things are going well and i dont want to upset the apple cart. But when he comes around this time im going to do it. Maybe put it in a letter. Last time he said hed have a chat with my son to explain why he goes quiet but that convo never happened. Somethings got to change, when he comes around he'll be more receptive to talking about this. Patience jelly!

Thanks again girls x

I hear what some of you say that hes controlling but i think hes just super sensitive and uber stubborn

No he is not super sensitive and stubborn! He is training you to NOT go against him otherwise you will be subjected to the silence. And it only recovers when you apologise even if you did no wrong. It sets him up as master and you as beholden to keep him sweet otherwise - silence.

Don't fall for it - and get him away from our child. He seems to be more aware of the abuse than you. Because it is abusive behaviour.

The reason they are nice inbetween is to keep you there. Often, the worse the abuser the nicer they are in between the abuse. If they were nasty all the time, you wouldn't have been interested, would you?

He's forcing you with emotional blackmail to apologise and training you not to disagree in the future.

Ask yourself something, have you ever changed your behaviour or not said what you wanted because it wouldn't be worth the atmosphere / his mood?

If you have, then he's not really a partner is he? A partner would listen and discuss differences of opinions whilst remembering that every view point is valid. They wouldn't then use "the silent treatment" to bully you into accepting their opinion and you apologising for yours.

Do you see what I'm mean?

And there is the problem...... "eventually" every second sulking is a happy second wasted. Lifes too blumin short

Good luck with your discussion about sulking, hope it doesn't lead to more sulks

I cannot believe you have apologised and are standing up for him too! He certainly has got you well and truly cowed down and manipulated. How incredibly sad.

I cannot believe you have apologised and are standing up for him too!
I can. OP has been well conditioned by this abusive man.
It will take more than this for her to have her 'light-bulb' moment... unfortunately!

You apologised for what exactly ?

You might as well lie down and ask him to trample all over you.

I showed this to my DD 16 and told her to make sure you never end up with anyone like this. I told her it's abuse without being physical and I wouldn't want such an idiot for a SIL.

The sooner she recognises jerks like this, the better.

It's okay to disagree - it's normal and natural in fact. But I wouldn't let anyone treat me like that to b honest. xx

It is hard and scary to realise and admit to yourself that you are in an abusive relationship, that's why so many of us are in denial for so long.But as Hellsbells says, OP will have a lightbulb moment eventually.

l picked up a card for Refuge recently and on the back it reads-

"If you are forced to alter your behaviour because you are frightened of your partner's reaction, you are being abused"

Pretty succinct and to the point I thought.Hope that sparks someone's lightbulb moment.

I cannot believe you have apologised and are standing up for him too!

I can. OP has been well conditioned by this abusive man.

I don't believe that this is the only explanation. It's not necessarily so that OP is downtrodden. I think some people are conditioned to "look after" others, to keep others in a "good place". It could be that she puts others emotional well being in front of her own. I think many people could recognise that belief that we're strong, we can handle discomfort etc.

Why wait after the sulking is finished? Better off telling him now that is unacceptable. It's a power struggle and I think you need to win it or it won't get better.

Oh, and let him do the chores, for everyone, not just for himself. It's normal that he does his share of chores, it's not something to punish you with.

He is depressed.
Some depressions are cyclic, so.medication.wont be helpful, as that's a liquid kosh...
I suggest he take.up some exercise (proper hard exercise too) and some introspective style.counselling maybe!
He is not dealing effectively with his issues and he is allowing you to take the brunt of it.
I get similar moods, but I do not allow.myself the self indulgence of abusing my partners (yes I have 2, they are both wonderful women, and they love each other too, yes I am.lucky, yes I do get a lot of shit for being poly from.jealous people, no I don't give a shit 😉).
If I feel I am getting snappy I go.for a run, or work out/martial arts practise til I'm panting and soaked in sweat, then I play some fps multiplayer games (for me this is a meditative practise, I am in a zone where all external, non game, stimuli are gone) and my.mind is calm again.
Exercise is critical. And I have found that men who work to exhaustion fairly regularly tend to have less moodiness and are better balanced.
We are chemical machines, he needs to add natural.happy.making chemicals to his brain, exercise is the quickest and most natural way

He may be depressed, he may just be your average common or garden arsehole. Without a diagnosis who can tell? What IS fact is that he is treating you very badly, OP, and by extension your son. Is this the life you want for him, afraid to go downstairs? What if your H one day turns the sulks on your child? What then?

I had a sulky one. I often wondered if he was depressed (I certainly was), and even suggested it to him. (I also thought it might explain his cocklodging and seeming laziness.) It matters not, he is an Ex and my own depression has gone.

Meds did help me get better though, they should not be a chemical cosh (though some can be - if so, another AD should be tried).