Heartbroken and confused

[Confusedlecturer]

I never thought I'd be in this position, I'm not even sure why I'm posting, but I have no one to talk to in RL. My husband of nearly 25 years informed me on Thursday night that he hasn't loved me for years, I'm difficult to live with and he's been seeing someone else for two years. He won't even consider trying to save our marriage and he will be moving 500 miles away to live with 'the love of his life'.
Before the weekend I thought we were happy and very much in love, we have a lot in common, I've helped him build his career, we were even discussing all the things we were going to do now our last child heads to university in the summer. How can I have missed his unhappiness? I don't recognise the person that he claims I am. This has come as such a massive shock, I still love him so much, I haven't stopped crying since Thursday, I haven't been able to eat since Friday as even a small amount of food is making me sick. I just feel bewildered - I just can't see a way ahead and I have no idea what to do next.

Yes there are a lot of us on here! Why are men so cowardly? I'm done with the lot of them.
OP, I wish you strength and happiness. No-one deserves to be treated like this.

He has to blame you otherwise he's just a plain old cunt and who wants to be one of them. It cant be his fault because that doesn't fit in with his own personal fictitious version of himself.

He will rewrite history in a way that will take your breath away. But you'll eventually get to the point where you don't give a fuck.

Be thankful he's moving so far away it will really simplify things for you and mean you'll keep most of the joint friends.

Having a bad night tonight, seeing a solicitor in the morning, it seems so drastic and final. I keep thinking that it'll all be better when my DH comes home and I can tell him all about this nightmare, he'll know how to sort it out. Then it hits me, that he's not coming home and he's caused this nightmare. I didn't think it was possible to cry as much as I have over the past few weeks. Ive told most of my/our friends, they've been sympathetic initially, but no one seems prepared to talk to me now, God knows what he's said to them, even worse a number of them seem to know the OW socially, despite her living at the other end of the country, although claim they didn't know anything was going on. My daughter has made a point of turning the tv off when he's been on in the past few weeks, she is so angry and upset still.
Please tell me it gets better, I feel so bloody lonely at the moment.

I am really sorry this is happening to you.
He is a selfish berk. Friends who are not supporting you are not real friends.

If you're a lecturer you're probably off over the summer is there anyway you could book yourself a trip somewhere? Even if it's on a budget to Spain or Italy? What are your interests? Walking? Art? Literature? Often tours for these kinds of things.

What I'm suggesting is booking something that is entirely for you. You've spent years thinking of this man first when he hasn't been thinking of you,

All of his revisionism of your past is his way of justifying his behaviour. Seen it on here many times.

But he doesn't get to write who you are, you do. And that starts with planning something that is entirely for you. (Plus the bastard won't believe that you're off living the high life..!)

Thanks Rowanhart, I'm not sure what I do without MN. I have decided to take myself off to my favourite place in France for the whole of August. I'm taking my little cat with me and my kids are popping over for a few days each. I can catch up on my reading, take nice long walks and sleep. For a complete change I am taking only the bare essentials with me, I will sit in cafes and people watch and shop in the markets for supper, totally 'wasting time'. And I'll probably feed the cat on chicken and ham! I'll need to be rested ready for all the major decisions I'll need to make in September.

I'm feeling happier all ready, just thinking about a month of indulgence - how ever small the budget! Thank you

That sounds lovely. You should try and write your month in France, here if no where else.

Wear huge sunglasses and drink a bottle of red wine in a small French square for me while watching the village boules!

And say yes to any experience on offer! A cycling tour of vineyards or a frog's leg or two. Try and fill with new, none shared experiences. He doesn't get to define you!!!

Sounds great OP, you deserve it after what this cunt has done - he blames you because he has treated you like shit and can't possibility contemplate taking the blame for it - it's easier and allows him to shag the OW if you can place blame on you instead.

You may not be able to throw him out but his callousness is unbelievable, he wants to stay in the home with you until he gets the green light from the OW - what an absolute horrible, spineless person. I am sure he could afford a bloody room or studio flat to give you some peace from the anxiety he has caused you - never ceases to fail me how selfish individuals can be.