Having his cake and eating it

[user1466803045]

Hello,

New to this so feel a bit nervous.

My situation.....have been with my partner ( not married ) for 23 years and have 2 children 8 and 4.

He tells me that he's not in love with me anymore and no one else is involved however I know that there is.

I am absolutely heartbroken, he has been my best friend for 23 years, we've shared everything together and I have always been 100% loyal and honest.

He says he cares for me but doesn't fancy me anymore, he says that he wants to remain living here for the children. He comes home from work does bedtime routine then just goes out to the other womens house, doesn't tell me that he is going out he just leaves and comes back very late or on a Friday goes 'out ' straight from work and doesn't come home until 4:00 am . while he is here there are no raised voices or arguments , He does ignore me though and is quite rude but I don't react. In fact for the last 23 years we've never really had a cross word .

He doesn't know that I know about the other woman, he is having his cake and eat it and it's frustrating me.
I'm aware of how i stand with the house , 50% each but I maybe awarded more with having the children with me. They are going to be heartbroken but I suppose I'm trying to get my head around it so I can be strong for them when the time comes to telling them.

Needing advice upon how to tell him that I know about the other women , to stop lying to me and how to get him to move out.
. Think I want him to move out, if he wants to be with her why doesn't he just go and live with her!!

He is an idiot for losing his family!!!

If you have got this far thanks for reading and any advice would be welcome

Thank you

Will you fit in a spa day too ?

Sheesh.

You say him having OW frustrates you and bugs you, well believe me if it was me, I'd be like a banshee, he'd not even get through the front door, never mind sitting next to me on a friggin plane, no doubt sneaking away throughout to call and text his bit on the side, where is your anger, where is your justice for yourself?

If he paid 90% of it then let him lose it!

Sorry only being honest

Still time to change his name and take a friend OP!

I can't actually believe that he has the nerve and that you are actually going along with it, kidding yourself on it's a free holiday and a tan, wtaf!

I need to go, I can't deal with this, it's fucking with my head!

Go on the holiday.

Let him pay the rest and enjoy yourself.

When the kids aren't around (in kiddies club) stroll off and make friends with the single men while looking hot to trot.

Or when the kids are sleeping tell him you're popping out and have fun in the resort bar. Go for it. I would certainly do so.

Two can play at that game.

SandyYK2

Was thinking of doing all of what you have written!

Thanks xx

Understand what you mean, been fine all day, now he is "home" feel really on edge. We have a holiday booked too in August but it's with my family for my mums 70th. When this all happened my first thought was it would ruin her birthday if he didn't come/ see knew we'd split up. Seriously considered going anyway but on reflection I know it's a bad idea. Hes paid for.most of it too but Im going without him - not my fault he decided it was over. You just have to do whatever feels best for you. I got a sick feeling in my stomach every time I thought about him coming with us

👍👍

Way to go User

I like your thinking.☺

Thanks Sammy for your understanding :-) it's difficult isn't it. Glad you will have your family around you on your holiday.

Hope the atmosphere isn't too bad for you tonight . Don't know about you but I feel much stronger when he is not around.

I look at my children when they're asleep and know they have all the upset to come. It breaks my heart, I cry for them. All there plans of what they wanted to do when they're older with mummy and daddy are going to be taken away from them.

We have travelled around Asia, Europe and America and we would get the albumins out and look at the photos, we would say, your going to experience all this with mummy and daddy one day too , but not anymore , he has taken it all away from them and me .

How dare he shatter their dreams

Yes it is worse when he's around. I think the kids will miss him not being around as much but where we live single parents are very normal so they won't have anyone teasing them at school. I'm looking forward to doing more family things with them that don't involve an extra kid stomping around like I'm being a complete cow making him participate in family life....

Sounds like you are pretty isolated where you are, can you go to CAB and get some advice?

I'd be playing him at his game and buggering out in the evening.

Your kids are similar ages to mine, I think they don't understand the complexities of grown up relationships. A couple of years ago we were on the verge of splitting up and told them we didn't want to be married any more because we wanted to go back to being friends and they seemed to take it on board and weren't that upset (although it didn't get as far as him actually leaving). I'm probably more calm because I've seen my break up coming for a long time and havent got evidence of Ow (yet)

Massive hugs to you and and

Hi Sammy, it's lovely to hear that your looking forward to more easy going days out with your children.

Yes, we are going to be the talk of the playground with probably lots of looks and whispering going on. When that time comes I am going to be dreading it.

I am a very private person and say nothing to anyone about anything because there is no one I can trust enough. Coming on here has been a massive outlet for me. I never burden my family with anything either.

Going to have a chat with a solicitor tomorrow. She called me back today after me making an enquiry however I was doing the school pick up when she called x

How did your solicitor chat go?

Well, I thought it was going to be the lady I briefly spoke to yesterday but it wasn't it was a man. He didn't want to answer any of my questions he just kept saying " your going to have to come in and see me"
He spoke to me like I was a silly little girl. Safe to say I won't be calling or seeing him

Have made an appointment with someone else for end of next week.

He gets counselling from work, he has told 1 person ( from hr) in confidence. He went today, I asked how it went, he said "good". Think I'll book somewhere for us to go together as I don't think he would of been 100% honest about the other women. If we were to go together, he would squirm and the truth would come out

What a twat! (Solicitor) So sorry you got that reaction. My solicitor is a woman, she was very sceptical about the things H was saying and helped me think about what I wanted. I was a SAHM then and had no self confidence at all so really helped me get that focused angry feeling! You will find another solicitor who will help you.

We went for counselling and it was great from my side as the counsellor put my feelings to him which he seemed to take on board when a third party said them

Take your children on holiday and tell him to use the time you are gone to pack up and move out. Tosser!