Tomorrow we tell the DCs that we're separating

[splittingup]

We've waited until exams finished but tomorrow we're telling them we're splitting up after nearly 20 years of marriage. It's my decision as I can't contemplate feeling this unhappy for the rest of my life.

I'm willing to be the 'baddie' in the situation (although I have worked SO hard to keep the family together as they grew up) but I'm still scared they'll reject me.

They all have very different personalities so we've agreed to tell them separately as I don't want the one with the most dominant personality to set the tone for how the others should react.

They're two older teenagers and a 'tween'.

I'd appreciate any advice to make it as painless as possible for them.

[mineofuselessinformation]

Life, have you ever been in that situation?
OP, KOKO.

[Savagebeauty]

My DC's asked me if we were divorcing before we told them......we didn't tell ty hem immediately as they were six months before A levels and GCSEs.
But everything was fine, and 18 months down the line it's bloody amazing. I've never been happier. They are fine.
I never slag him off ( well not to them!) And they love our little rented happy house

[kennypppppppp]

it's such a tough thing to do. really good luck for it. i don't think it's a case of who's good or who's bad. it's just the situation of their parents splitting up.

i often say to my kids that i know that what they're going through is extremely difficult, that i'm extremely sorry that they're going through it and there's really nothing that i can do to make it better, but that i love them enormously and will continue to irritate and embarrass them in equal measures.

i have no idea what their father has said to them about it, but it's extremely tough and lots of good luck. give it some time for the dust to settle. so so tough. (when my parents split up my brother said it was all my fault, which was vile to hear)

[LellyMcKelly]

I did this last month after waiting for nearly two years. They were initially shocked and there were a few tears, but I get on well with my ex and we still live in the same house. We stressed that we would still do family things together, and they wouldn't be moving house or school, and that they would still do the same clubs. Once they realised that it wouldn't have a massive impact on their lives they were fine. I introduced them to the man I've been seeing for a year now, and they loved him, and they can see I'm happy. I wish I had told them about the separation sooner. I worried about it for so long, but in the end they were so accepting it was almost an anti climax.

[user1466803045]

Hello,

Have been following your thread and just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you today.

I'm sure you were feeling nervous but what a big step taken .

I admire your courage . I still have this to come with my children who I know are going to be on the floor when I tell them

[Hotwaterbottle1]

How are things today op?

[splittingup]

Thanks so much for your posts. It really helps that you are there as I have only told one RL friend.

Life is going on as normal so they all seem ok. He can't move out for a month so we're in limbo. I don't think it'll hit them until he moves out.

I had to reassure DC2 who is embarrassing materialistic (but luckily has a well paid weekend job!) that his lifestyle wouldn't change!

Four weeks until school breaks up and then one week until he moves out. The countdown is on - I don't think I'll know how they are until then.

[antiqueroadhoe]

Sounds like you've done a really good job of a really hard situation. Good for you.

I remember a set of parents I dealt with at work (I'm a teacher) who had separated, came in together and I remember the dad saying in front of his son "well Mrs Antique, our marriage didn't work out but I love her for being a mum to my sons" and I remember thinking what a lovely thing to say. Matter-of-fact, kind and supportive.

[Hotwaterbottle1]

Hi split, just wondering how things are now?