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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He scared me and has made me think twice.

58 replies

tweeter2013 · 24/06/2016 21:50

My partner of 5 months has been odd all week. Kind of rambling remarks, snide comments, up and down etc.

He hasn't been feeling great and not sleeping well either.

This morning he text to ask me up, I went and when I went in he started asking me if I have ever taken things out his house?? Which I replied no.

He had taken it in his head I had been removing things and sleeping with one of his friends behind his back.

There is nothing there to make him think this, I dont even speak with his friend.

But the behaviour and the way he had come up with this and the amount of time he had been thinking of this has really shook me. He wasn't angry or shouting but it was like he was someone else if that makes sense.

Could depression make him behave this way?

OP posts:
CopperPot · 25/06/2016 10:03

He sounds like me MIL who has paranoid schizophrenia. She thinks people break in and take things from her etc. It's all in her head and v sad.

eddielizzard · 25/06/2016 10:14

surely his evidence will sound ridiculous in the cold light of day?

it doesn't actually matter why he did it, that he did should be enough to end it. it won't get better, it'll get worse.

worried about his reaction is further reason why you should end it now. every day you let him continue with this, the harder it will be to leave. if he turns up at your house you tell him to leave and if he doesn't you dial 999 straight away. don't take any chances. don't open the door to him. sounds dramatic, but the sooner you get away the better it'll be for you.

RiceCrispieTreats · 25/06/2016 11:29

Do you live together?

differentnameforthis · 25/06/2016 13:36

Paranoia? Does he use any kind of recreational drug?

BastardGoDarkly · 25/06/2016 13:44

Sounds like drugs to me, is that a possibility op?

Regardless, you know you need to come up with the safest exit strategy you can think of right?

PsychedelicSheep · 25/06/2016 14:59

It sounds like the beginning of a psychotic episode to me. Has he ever experienced psychosis before?

The worst reason in the world to stay with someone is that you're too intimidated to break up with them!

MsMims · 25/06/2016 15:38

I don't think it would be depression, more like a type of paranoia or other mental illness.

Being scared is enough reason for you to walk away now, especially in such a new relationship with no ties to each other.

Someone close to me became very paranoid, unfortunately because the person wouldn't accept they had a problem, getting treatment was impossible and their life is still affected some years later. I think being scared of your partner is enough reason to leave, but if you choose to stay at the minimum he must get help.

Original poster
tweeter2013 · 25/06/2016 16:03

Spoke with him this morning, he seems a lot better today but not quite himself. He was shaking when I saw him.

Very apologetic but I explained there are things that once said can not be forgotten.

I don't know what to do, of course my head says get out of there asap, but he has been strong for me during very difficult times( we were friends for yrs before entering in a relationship.

Just so difficult, its almost like he is relying on me solely for his happiness.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 25/06/2016 16:08

Ask him very honestly if he has ever had any psychiatric or psychological illness. If you want the relationship to work - no reason why you should, btw-- he needs to be open with you and seek medical help. If he refuses then I would absolutely walk away or sign up for much misery in the future.

Good luck.

Atenco · 25/06/2016 16:34

You cannot help him, OP. Jealousy will destroy both you and him. Whether or not it is the sign of mental illness.

KittensandKnitting · 25/06/2016 16:40

You need to get out because this does not end well for you otherwise.

He has frightened you on more than one occasion and he is relying on you for his happiness. Being good to you before doesn't mean you have to put up with behaviour that scares you. I used to make all these excuses and it went on for much longer than it should.

It's only been five months and these are not good signs at all! Run

eddielizzard · 25/06/2016 17:01

don't stay with someone because of guilt or pity.

AnyFucker · 25/06/2016 18:06

You are a fool

Original poster
tweeter2013 · 25/06/2016 21:13

Anyfucker : Maybe so, I will take that on board.

In reality I am scared, zero confidence, no backbone and lonely.

I know I have to get out but I fear how he will take it.

OP posts:
thestamp · 25/06/2016 21:20

As long as you're around he won't get help, because he'll just rely on you.

You're doing the worst possible thing for him by remaining in this relationship. Sorry but it's true.

Put his long term health ahead of your short term fear. Please, you can't help him, you'll only harm him if you don't end it x

AnyFucker · 25/06/2016 22:05

I agree you ate not actually helping him

Look up codependency...that's you that is

It's

AnyFucker · 25/06/2016 22:07

Sorry pressed post by mistake

It's unhealthy and damaging. Things will never improve for you when you accept so little and don't have the will to change it

AnyFucker · 25/06/2016 22:08

And 5 months ? Seriously ?

You seem to have a death wish on your self respect. Only you can change that.

WordGetsAround · 25/06/2016 22:16

Agree with AF.

Also think your use of the word 'partner' is telling - like you are giving this relationship a status it doesn't deserve. You have been with him 5 months / 20 weeks - he is your boyfriend, not your partner.

Get rid and sort out anything going on in your life that is making you have zero confidence and no backbone.

tipsytrifle · 25/06/2016 23:07

I know I have to get out but I fear how he will take it.

It might be that you fear how YOU will take it. Sadly, this relationship has become destructive and dangerous. You would be wise to follow your head on this one and back away. 5mths is already becoming a cage in which you explain, justify, deny, change your behaviour for his paranoia. 3 times now, right? That's a lot in a short time.

It's going to get worse and you know it. Save yourself and, if you must, worry about him from a distance. Saviours don't end well, I promise you.

DeathStare · 26/06/2016 08:30

To be honest you're the one who sounds overly attached not him. You've barely been together any time at all, he's waving more red flags than anyone can count and you're scared. What on earth would make you even consider not leaving him?

2nds · 26/06/2016 08:53

You have ignored the drugs questions, I'll.ask again does he smoke weed? Does he do any drugs at all?

Original poster
tweeter2013 · 26/06/2016 12:41

Sorry, not ignoring anything, I have been so overwhelmed and taken aback by the rollercoaster.

Yes I have found out he has been smoking weed that he grew himself round about the time this all started, so wouldn't surprise me one bit that it may be connected!!

Anyway came to ahead this morning, received weird texts from him late last night but didn't take them on then this morning had one telling me to never speak to him again and "they" have told him I have been cheating!

He has really scared me. I have deleted my number, calls etc from his phone (I saw him at an outside place). I think he was taken aback by that.

Im terrified at the moment, I feel sick, I have told my mum whats going on so someone else knows incase he kicks of as he obviously knows where I live.

Not sure how much more I can do other the wait it out.

OP posts:
Pesticles · 26/06/2016 12:46

Wow! Good for you for taking decisive action. It's a kindness, as he'll start to have to face the consequences of his drug use

Original poster
tweeter2013 · 26/06/2016 12:50

I hope so but all I can imagine right now is the worst.

He is so far removed from reality, I said to him I think the weed is doing something, I hope he takes it on board.

OP posts: