DP, alcohol and parental capacity

[windygales]

My DP and I have 2 young kids. 3yo and 1yo. I'm struggling, I work part time and find it all hardwork. I've been poorly too, just heavy cold.
We went to family BBQ yesterday, I drove. DP drank. He was a pain getting the kids to bed and so took the 1yo downstairs so I could get the 3yo to sleep.
It took a while but I can't downstairs, he had fallen asleep and 1yo was helping herself to my handbag and looked like she'd be left unsupervised for a bit. He was asleep in the chair.
This isn't the first time.
He has form for drinking too much.
I think I need to leave him.
Would you?

Not really enough information to say whether you should leave him or not

If this isn't the first time why did you leave your DC with him when you knew he had been drinking?

I don't know death star? I didn't think he'd do it again and I needed to get the kids into bed and so I can get ready for work for next day and sleep myself.
We have loads of issues anyway.

Well I don't know why you left him with the 1 year old when you knew he was drunk.

Putting that aside, why do you need to leave him?

Christ, 2 out of 3 posters blaming the OP. Nice.

I wouldn't go as far as to say leave him but don't let him do the bedtime if he's been drinking. You drove and was sober so why didn't you do the bedtime?
If me and my dh go to family gatherings we take turns who drinks or drives, whoever is driving is responsible for the children.

Thanks detestable.
He's the father too. Yes I was short sighted. But I'm asking if I can trust him again

She left him with the 1 year old whilst putting the three year old to bed, not whilst popping off to the pub herself.

I've been drunk and able to stay awake and supervise a child for a short period. Drunk enough to fall asleep when in charge of a kid is pretty shocking, and if you know you are going to fall asleep, stick kid in playpen or something.

OP, have you spoken to him about it in the last?

Yes i needed help.
But in future I'll look after the kids.

Yes he feels awful.

Uhoh, she was doing bedtime, she was settling the 3 year old and doubtless came down to do the 1 year old after. It's really not too much to ask the other parent to stay awake, even if they have to make themselves a coffee or splash cold water on themselves to do so.

Windy, please don't blame yourself. It's good he feels awful. Will he drink less in future?

He was also really nasty to me. Sorry to drop feed.
I think about splitting a lot. We've an awful relationship. No affection. Arguing all the time.

What happened last time he got drunk around the DC?

I think you're going to have to say a bit more about your problems OP. This on its own you'd certainly be unusually harsh and somewhat selfish (considering the effect on the children) to end the relationship. But you've said its not just this?

Last time he did the same but the stair gate was open so she was trying to get up the stairs.
Last night he was shouting at me in the car in front of the kids. And was playing the 3 yo against me. Saying she didn't need to go to bed.

If it's impossible to put both kids to bed without DP's help for sone reason then he just can't drink or drink muuuch less (1 beer shouldn't be so much that he can't stay awake).

If there is a way and you're willing to do this for DP (is he sometimes doing similar things for you?) then you just have to bite the bullet on these evenings and be prepared to do the bedtime stuff alone.

Oh no would counselling help?

I've left him before 3 years ago as he drank too much and ruined any social occasion,

We've had an initial counselling session but now we are waiting for a space so we can start the course

Sorry I misunderstood I thought he'd put 3yo to bed then brought 1yo downstairs.
Sounds like there's more to this than 1 drunken evening

Oh, I didn't read your last comment. Is he often such an arse? Is he only like that if he's drunk? If yes, do you think he'd be willing to stop drinking (or drink muuuch less)?

So he has a big drink problem and is horrible to you.

Yes, leave him. My friend did for similar reasons and her life is far better without him: he still has a drink problem, as does his now partner, he still sees their DC frequently but DC know about the drink problem and it's hard for them.

Sorry I'm really aware I'm drip feeding.

I think that I didn't give lots of info as I wondered if others wouldn't tolerate that incident.

I'm thinking one would but not with all the other problems added

It's also up to him to take responsibility for his level if drunkeness . He could've said "no, don't leave dd here, I'm half asleep. Pop her in her cot and I'll go in and sit with her till you come in"