Yesterday afternoon I received a message from a man I didn't know saying my husband was having an affair with his wife and I needed to talk to my husband about it. I asked him who his wife was and does he have evidence. He told me her name and said he did have evidence, but that my husband owed it to me to tell me himself.
I confronted my husband and of course he denied it. I told him this man was about to send me proof so to own up now. He ended up admitting they'd been sending inappropriate/flirty messages to each other the night before, but said that he hadn't been having an affair it was "just" the messages (which of course have been deleted).
To cut a long story short, it turns out the ow husband doesn't have evidence of an affair after all. It seems he sent me a message stating it was an affair in the hope that I'd find out all the details as he wasn't sure if he could believe his wife that it was "only" the messages which he had found. I don't blame him at all and thanked him for telling me.
Years ago I found out DH was messaging this same woman when he acted suspiciously and I ended up looking in his messages. He'd deleted the messages but 1 or 2 "normal" messages remained and it was obvious messages had been deleted in between. For a few hours he swore blind that they must've deleted themselves 
and he had nothing to hide, until it became obvious I wasn't as thick as shit and he admitted it. But again, as the messages had been deleted I only had his version of what had been said. We had a huge falling out but patched things up.
There has also been one other occasion where he was messaging his ex girlfriend inappropriately when we were first together. I found out because he was showing me something on his computer and the message popped up at the bottom. I didn't even notice but he jumped a mile and acted very strangely so I knew something was going on. He admitted to also meeting with her but said nothing happened. I'm not sure I believe this.
However I am fairly certain he hasn't been having an affair with this latest woman. I don't know when he'd have the opportunity. I think it's purely inappropriate messages. But even if it is, what am I supposed to do now?! I have only ever known what he has chosen to tell me of these situations. I have no trust left. We have had huge arguments about the previous 2 situations and now I find myself here again. I feel like I'm being taken for a fool. I'm a strong person. I don't take any crap from people, and yet this is the third time this has happened. Is it worth ending my marriage over?
I hate what he has done. We have a small child who adores him. A mortgage. 2 sets of flights booked to visit family before this year is over. I'm a sahm. I feel trapped. I don't want to leave my home and uproot my DC. Why should I?! I like my life as it is and I don't want it to change. But how can I live with someone who I have no trust for? What a miserable existence.
I feel like DH has something wrong with him. He is a quiet and reserved man. Always wants to make everyone happy. (Except me I've pointed out). But he doesn't seem to fully understand other people's emotions. He can't seem to step outside of himself and out himself in someone else's shoes. Eg how would he feel if it were the other way around. I don't think he has any idea as he's incapable of feeling someone else's emotions. Does thus make sense?? Is there any disorder this may relate to?
Sorry this is so long. I don't really know what to do next. I don't want to talk to him but I guess I can't keep ignoring him. I've heard it all before and it just feels like he's reading from a script, not talking from his heart. It's as if he's always playing a character. Like he's too afraid to be real