OLD dilemma

[ladyfadgina]

Chatting for about a week with some guy a bit younger than me. We have a laugh and he's really attractive. Last night he asked me a load of questions about my sexual experiences.....then told me at the end he was having a wank then disappeared.....now I feel a bit used.
WWYD.....Block and move on or keep for casual sex?

Hi OP, you are not being prudish in any sense of the word. Those sort of shenanigans should be reserved for exactly when you want. On your other point, what do you mean by full on relationship? Maybe be more specific. In the early days of a new relationship, full on to some may mean, seeing each other once per week & exclusive, whilst some, need it to be full on from day 1, which I know sounds crazy but, I do have some weird all or nothing friends! Regardless of that anyway, his actions are indicating the type who'd be a one & done & not what you appear to be looking for

Thanks Naze, well by full on relationship I mean one that is all singing all dancing, live happily ever after together. However, now that you've asked me to actually define it, it feels stupid saying that because as PP have said how would that happen straight away? If it did eventually develop to that, it would feel natural anyway wouldn't it? My last relationship was a serious, intense relationship that went from 0 - 60 in 2 seconds (moved in straight away, became father figure for kids from the off, he did a great job and things were unicorns and rainbows, but sadly he passed away.) Right now I could do with something a bit more casual/slowburning right now, maybe date once a week/fortnight IYSWIM? But not casual in the sense of open/FWB/ONS, I don't want that at all. This fella from OLD seemed to be on the same page (so he said), but his actions last night didn't really show that did they?

I would say the most men would be happy dating a new woman once a week/fortnight to start. Yes they would probably be keen to push for more, but you wouldn't put them off one iota by keeping it lighthearted. So many women on MN with the same story...he was full on, it was too much but I went along with it even though I wanted it more casual, now he's cooled off, I'm so confused etc etc etc . Cue the chorus of what a loser and game player the guy is. As a woman I find this really unfair on men! No, you're responsible for the pace of dating just as much as he is, if it's too much, slow it down, but when you get what you wished for, don't complain/get confused because it's really not that confusing at all (and all men aren't bastards because they have a different way of courting to women)

That aside, this guy really didn't have much to offer in the way of dating clearly, so I'd say go back to the pond and fish. You sound like a lovely level headed person and believe me there are lots of men out there looking for a woman exactly like you

yes you are absolutely right, its easy to get caught up in it all and it suddenly moves too quickly, but like you say both parties set the pace and I need to make sure that is clear when (if!) I find a suitable guy. Thanks Slow , I hope so. Off to do some more swiping

Good luck and above all enjoy

Glad you see what I mean OP. I think most women & men, may be scared off by the whole kitchen sink being thrown at them at the beginning. I'd be a bit more ambiguous about what you're after. Maybe, looking to take it one date at a time & looking to enjoy the moment. Who knows where this will lead?

Thanks Naze thats shifted my mindset and has been really helpful thank you!

When I get asked the "so what're you looking for" question I respond with something in between a random hook up and marriage I find it completely unrealistic to be expected to define things more than this to a complete stranger

YY jellybean I have words to that effect on my profile!

With OD I found it easier to take each new date as a little like an interview for a new job ie I wouldn't accept the job until I knew more about it, whether I liked it, saw a future and also whether they liked me. It made me feel more relaxed and I did actually meet some very nice men.

My main tip though, and initially I failed on this is do not get too involved with texting the men. If you like the look of them and they sound nice arrange to meet for a coffee ASAP. This generally gets rid of the marrieds and the ones that just want pen friends. But the main reason is that it stops you getting too emotionally involved with someone that you really don't know. Assume all photos are out of date, heights are wrong and that they are all hairy bikers before you have actually met them in real life. Good luck and have fun but keep you head and stay safe there are a lot of men on OD that in real life you wouldn't touch.