Hi OP,
Really sorry you are going through this. Your h is abusive. I had really dreadful weekends too - all the worse because you think that weekends should be a nice time and they weren't. My XH made weekends into awful stressful times when I couldn't put a foot right. He always just scowled his way through the days, I felt his contempt all the time. I couldn't understand why he was so horrible.
Often plans that I made - simple things like go to a park with the dcs or go out for a pizza - were inexplicably spoiled. Every nice thing we could have done was spoiled by him. So... it's not about plans as such, it's about the fact that he is trashing you and he goes about that by trashing your plans. Either he is chastising you for even daring to make a plan, or I'm sure, if you do manage to get him on board, he will find a way to spoil it somehow.
The message is 'It isn't you, it's HIM'. He is not a 'partner who doesn't like to plan' - he is a partner who is treating you with contempt. Doesn't matter what you try and do, he is undermining you as a form of abuse and he will continue to undermine you.
You ask yourself 'why is he doing this?' Why would anyone be happy making the person they love miserable? Well, it's about control. Control matters more than anything else to these men. Doesn't matter what his background is - Mediterranean or not - he wants you NOT to have an opinion, NOT to have plans, and NOT to have a voice of your own. You are his subordinate, and as far as he is concerned he should have all the power!
Of course, if challenged, he would never admit this to you. That would be far too straightforward. It is shocking for you that he is doing this - but it started when you were pregnant and continued when you had your dd. This is a very predictable time for abuse to start. When you're pregnant, you're vulnerable... and when you have your baby you are vulnerable and dependent, and he is exploiting that.
Have you got the Lundy Bancroft book 'Why does he do that'. I found that it was really useful when I was in the first shock of realising my H was abusive. Because that's the question you are desperate to answer. After a while, that question becomes less important as you learn that there is nothing you can do to change how he is, all you can do is take yourself and your daughter out of range.
He's making you anxious, you're on eggshells and your daughter knows that he is angry and she is scared of him. You are right to plan to get the hell out of your marriage. Yes, it's something you never thought you'd do... but he is banking on that, he doesn't believe you would do it because you are strong and dedicated to family life. Well call his bluff. Been there OP, it's horrible but it will get better for you and your daughter when you take decisive action. You are right, she will be happier when it is just you and her in a happy environment that you make for her.