Just got called a fucking cunt again...

[bettawithpancetta]

I have told him I can't take this anymore. I so tired at the end of the day and then walking on eggshells when he gets home to avoid a row. Silly me slipped into it asking him about how we were going to spend the weekend ( so I know who I might get a lie in if at all as he is home after toddler in bed all week). So I tried to plan the weekend, I changed my mind about going to an nct reunion( too sad for me as so unhappy), I just frustrate him. He starts shouting, waving things, ranting calls me a cunt ( this keeps happening). When I get upset he tells me I'm the one shouting ( I suppose I am by that point). I am so sad about this for my child and he has no idea how much his scorn hurts me. I really have no choice but to file for a divorce. I can't take this any more. Is it wrong that I want to plan the weekend? Really need some support. Am scared of him, not of violence but of his scorn.

Hi OP

You havent done anything wrong. All of us do things that our partners dont like. My husband doesnt like me planning stuff that much, he is also from another country where everyone just lives near each other and bumps into each other so plans always change etc...and I am at the other extreme and try and pack in a million things that we clearly havent got time for.

We just discuss it calmly, he will say 'that sounds like quite a lot, shall we drop something' or 'that weekend was really manic and we didnt have any time to relax, let's try and have a quiet one next weekend'. The most he will do is tease me that I have planned 48 hours worth of activities into 48 hours and not given anyone time to eat or sleep.

Although 'cunt' isn't as offensive in some languages as others, it is still not at all normal to swear at anyone, ever, and especially for such a mundane reason as they change their mind about what they fancy doing at the weekend or want to make plans, both of which are completely normal.

Yes he is abusive, yes you need to leave before it gets worse, and yes if you don't your son will grow up thinking you can swear and yell at women who dont agree with your point of view

Although 'cunt' isn't as offensive in some languages as ..

Yeah but he's speaking in English, isn't he. and in English it's pretty much the worst/harshest word going. And I have feeling he's aware of that.

My ex-DH1 called me a cunt. I left him.

This thread is 3 years old!

As others have mentioned, he is a narcissist. There are YouTube videos on how they will tell you you are the one shouting at them/raising your voice when you try to resolve things with them. It's all about control.

That and calling you a cunt. Horrible man. Definitely leave. I mean all the better if it is your home and you can kick him out but tbh, whatever it takes to get away from him and get your son away as he us getting older and narcissists ultimately turn on everyone close to them. If you don't want a life of shame, guilt, cruelty, anxiety and unkindness, get yourself out and lawyer up.

Oh and incase you need to hear it: you ate not bad, you are not stupid, you are not crazy. And your feelings are valid.

Ugh. Zombie thread.

Don’t really know where to begin… my partner called me a “cunt” “fucking cunt” “nothing but a fucking cunt” multiple times the other day (I didn’t dry the dog properly after taking him for a walk). Also fired in that I’m a “lazy bitch” - I had been glued to the laptop for 14 hours working. I was so tired. It was a “no speakies” day so he hadn’t come near me the entire day.

It’s constantly “no speakies” - the latest over a conversation in which I’m not really sure what part of what I said validated the storm off. His dad was diagnosed with leukaemia about 2 years ago and had a bone marrow transplant five months ago. It had been successful but he got word to say that the leukaemia was back. My partner immediately jumped on to Google and was reading the worst. In our conversation I questioned what the consultant had said (no answers until next week). I said I thought he should go with his mum and dad to see the consultant (both in their 70s and I thought the support would be appreciated). This is where he went off in a huff. Maybe I wasn’t supportive enough in my approach. I just didn’t think jumping to “terminal” was useful but I do see that maybe in that moment he just needed an ear and not me being pragmatic.

His “no speakies” can last weeks. The last one lasted 26 days. I have a son (not his) - and my heart is breaking that he is witnessing this behaviour. What if he thinks it’s ok to treat women like this? I couldn’t live with myself.

I can’t just leave by the way. I stupidly bought a house with this man. A pretty big house in which I paid the pretty huge deposit. We spent a fortune renovating it and I’ve been advised by a solicitor that legally he is entitled to half of that huge deposit. We also wouldn’t get back what we have spent on the house, so I stand to lose a fortune (and the deposit is actually my son’s inheritance from his dad who passed two years ago) so I’m completely trapped.

He used to call my mum the “cunt” - up until this fight, she was always the reason for him flying off the handle in the past. No matter what, she was always the root cause in his head. One of the “no speakies” was over her watering a plant she bought me - he had seen her do this in one of the 7 cameras he has positioned around the house. After this incident she was never allowed to step foot in the house again (that was six months ago) and she hasn’t. My mum is all I have - I’m an only child and it was just me and her growing up, so this breaks my heart but I still go and see her - and she understands - she doesn’t want to be around him anyway. None of my family do.

Sorry for the rant. Just feeling so alone and sad and so broke. Don’t even know what advice I’m looking for - I know I need to leave but I really can’t uproot my boy. He loves his new home.

It would be best for you to start your own thread @Mummymonkeysocks2012 as this is one from years ago and people will respond to the OP rather than you.

But just my thoughts - your son is living in an abusive home with a man who abuses his mum.

You say you can't leave this man, but also say this:

I have a son (not his) - and my heart is breaking that he is witnessing this behaviour. What if he thinks it’s ok to treat women like this? I couldn’t live with myself.

You have to leave. You are exposing your own child to a dangerous, abusive, toxic environment and teaching him that is normal.

He's alienated you, and therefore your son, from your whole family. He's made you financially vulnerable. He's exposed your child to abuse and in staying, unfortunately you have done so too.

I don't say this to make you feel bad, I say it to try to get through to you the fact that if you genuinely want to put your son first then staying with this man isn't even an option.

Call women's aid asap. Ask for their advice on how to remove yourself from this situation safely, they can advise next steps. And when you have done that, call your mum. She will be thrilled you are going to remove yourself and her little grandson from the orbit of this monster.

Yes, my abusive ex all the time...and this was not the worst of it.

Best thing to happen was separating.
It will not get better, in my experience.

Same here….again it won’t get better. I’m so sorry for you and your son. I was in a similar position 😞❤️