I've started this post so many times. I've NC because my other NN might identify me in RL.
I'm with a man who chased me for a long time, wrote me beautiful letters and made wonderful romantic gestures and made me feel extraordinary. I sold my flat and we made plans.
We moved in together and I discovered he was still married, though he said his divorce was finalised.
I moved in with my parents and waited for the divorce, during which time we spent a few weeks abroad because of his job.
We had to attend lots of formal work events and I realised that we'd argue, then he'd storm out, I'd be sad and just before I was about to give up, he'd come back with an expensive dress or piece of jewellery and beg me to put it in then off we'd go to the event where he'd bring it up, 'Doesn't Eloise look beautiful, do you love her dress? I chose it. Actually, I just bought it for her.' And then all the wives swoon. And he says 'see, they can see how much I love you, why can't you?'
He's been doing this for weeks and during arguments says terrible things. I feel like he's buying me these things to shut me up. Also, some of the dresses are quite old in style and he says I should be dressing like a wife (wives are quite key in his line of work) and not a career woman. So he's bought me long velvet things instead of the trouser suits I prefer.
I thought I wanted to marry him but it feels different since I went home and the gifts make me uncomfortable but he says I'm bring ridiculous. I'm due to fly back next week and he's adamant there's no reason not to move back in together as he's days away from his divorce.
I'm not sure what I'm asking, I just feel uneasy about things. Writing it down has made me more confused!