I think I am losing my boyfriend after his Dad passed away :(

[gandisupp]

I just joined up to try and get some advice or words of sense in terms of what might be going on here and hat it might mean in the long run for me.

My boyfriend's Dad sadly passed away quite recently and since this happened I feel like I am losing him.

I tried to be supportive and give space, but I feel so much space has been given that we don't even have a relationship any more. I haven't seen him for weeks.

His behaviour is a bit confusing. He seems genuinely to want to speak to me and he says such lovely things to me that show he feels a lot towards me but he also avoids me and has gone into his shell.

He says things like I deserve someone better and he is no good for anyone right now and all that which is nothing like him and makes no logical sense to me.

I have been pushed away to the point I feel like perhaps our relationship is over, and one minute he says he doesn't want that and the next minute he says defeatist things about me being too good for someone like him.

This is so unlike him, I feel like he is hiding away from me and it's been going on like this for almost three months months and we were only together for three months when this happened so it's been a strange situation, but I love this guy and really want him to come forward and rekindle the connection we had but I worry that maybe the situation has ended us.

He has so much going on in his life now...so much to sort out, huge changes and I realise love takes a back seat but I feel very confused. I feel almost as if he does not want to lose me, but he pushes the other direction.

Any advice?

@gandisupp please may I ask how this worked out in the end for you? As I am going thought the same situation right now and don’t know what to do or how to handle it, thankyou x

Hey gandisupp...how did things turn out foe your relationship? Did you stay together. I am going through the exact same issue and feels awful . like i can see him pushing me away. We cancelled our wedding and he says he still wants a future with me and my 2 children..why does it feel over.. I hope you two worked it out.

Thanks in advance

I am going through the exact same thing right now and I too am devistated.

I know this post is from a while back but some have still commented recently sharing their situation.

Any updates?? Did your relationships work or did they come to an end? I am currently going through the exact same Except it is very recently (less than a month) and my partner lost his best friend unexpectedly and in a traumatic way. Has your partners found their way back to you eventually despite the pain?

Hi @gandisupp I wanted to know how your relationship ended up , sounds like you went though a lot and I can relate with parts id love to here back from you

What also tends to happen is a Fear of Abandonment when parents pass away. This is a primal fear and trauma that occurs with events like this. This is not going to be easy and he will push you away because his fear of loving you is greater than his fear of losing you.

Also he is in the middle of grief so he needs his space but you also need to spend some time with him too. You need to give him space but don't see space as giving him room to leave... it allows him to stretch to you. I suggest taking the time to focus on yourself and building up you. That doesn't mean you don't invite him for things but maybe do it at home like You Me Pizza, . Friday ... blah blah. You need to make the effort right now. Call him once or twice a week to checkin and then cut the call short like keep it to 10 mins and keep it light and fun. Send him text messages without expecting anything in return. Send a quote or gif and say... just thinking of you.

All the best!

Zombie

It's day 5 since my bf asked for a break. We've been together for 6 sweet months. He has started being cold 4 days prior (not responding or responding the next days with an excuse). I confronted him over the phone (bcz it was his third week vacation so he's away). While talking, he said that his dad died suddenly (I was shocked bcz he didn't tell me before) and that he hates his job and where he lives and that he even got a job interview far away. I started crying and he was also crying saying he's very lost and don't know what to do. He said if I didn't give him the break and the time to be alone he can block everyone including me. I was so sad I asked him for how long and he said on Monday I'll be giving news. But I didn't know if it will be the end of the break or will he be only checking up and extending it? I told him I can't live without him and I'll respect his decision and give him the break. I asked him if we can see each other on monday he said he's not sure depending on his mood. That hurted me bcz I prefer discussing issues face to face rather on the phone. He ended by saying he loves me and that he can't live without me also. So I was confused! I told him I am fearing he'll end up breaking up with me but he told me to not think about it. Since we gone no contact and I'm just waiting for Monday. I've gone completely insane by overthinking and I wanted to text so many times but thanks to my friends they stopped me. I just cry every day, have periods of anxiety and don't eat well. I still try to go out often and be around people to think less. I'm just so scared of monday and even more scared that he won't keep hip promise by contacting me. This is my first time going thru this and it was my longest relationship and as it was for him. I hope that he won't end up breaking up with me bcz I am afraid how I'll be handling this situation. I sent him a message today that I miss him and I would like to see him. I am afraid that he would not reply nor keep his promise by contacting me tomorrow. I keep crying by the idea that the person that said he loved me would even ghost me. I am so afraid.

ZOMBIE

@Assile, you should start your own thread to get responses.