Is husband justified in his sexism?!

[wonderlandmum]

This is making me go bonkers! He is claiming that 'as a man' he will automatically have a stronger sex drive, be more turned on by others against his will (not be able to keep it down for want of a better term!) then women could be, exclusively. This of course leads him to the 'obvious' fact that men have more of a reason (or excuse, from my point of view!) to be unfaithful, women however don't have these innate urges lol, none of us! Apparently! Can anyone else not bare the excuse 'but I'm a man' so I'm excused, AHHHHHHGH, just need to vent! Happy to hear all opinions as if I'm wrong at least I can just chill out lol

I couldn't stay with someone who had deceived me so systematically about who they really were. Whatever the reason behind it was.

I know you are all right, and i'm so grateful for your time, it is keeping me calm knowing I am not making a stupid decision that this is truly over, I think over the years of lies and paranoia I really could be happier alone, it doesn't feel as scary now as it has sounded. I wish I had had a clue of how utterly awful he apparently is now though, feel like I have just lost my best friend, what have others done when they have been in this horrible position, any short terms tips for getting through this bit by bit and staying calm and strong? hand hold for anyone else who is going through, has gone through this, or worse

Do you have kids?

To be honest, if you don't, I think you should cut your losses with this manchild. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

What a pile wank.

I had a higher sex drive than my ex, I never cheated, because I'm not twat. He cheated because he is a twat.

Not all men are uncontrollable animals.

He's cheated or planning to do so and he wants to leave, so he started this stupidity.

If he says your marriage is over just like that, then he really wants out.
Ask him when he's moving out and filing for divorce.

we have kids, i don't work, stay at home mum, makes it all that much scarier :( what is making me feel all the more that he is being a stubborn arsehole is that he has said, when we are older if he can't perform anymore, then he would be happy for me to sleep with another man, actually he said he would 'expect it'. I must know something about him after all these years, and I don't see that being true. He hasn't made up the fleeting jealousy when other men are mentioned

What a vile man - what are other aspects of your relationship like ?

He's just finished with you? Over the fact that you wouldn't accept he'd go elsewhere if he thought he needed sex? Jeez what a wanker! He's spun you a line for years. For him to do a supposed u turn like that, do you think he's met someone else?

believe it or not they seemed pretty damn good. Thanking me after every weekend for what a lovely time he had, telling me he loves me, we are always always talking, laughing, sitting outside in the evening just enjoying each others' company, helps with housework and kids somewhat, he knows from the start that I have had enough of being walked over in the past, I guess that is why he has kept all this hidden. That is why it seems like such a waste, that there is such a nasty side to him. He's now saying I can't stay in our house with the kids, as it is in his name he is kicking me out, I have no where to go. Also I am apparently throwing all this away because I can't accept what he is saying, it's laughable! I have to laugh or I will crumble

My suspicious mind instinct is telling me he already has someone - either an affair or a would-be.

I'm sorry you've had such a shock. He doesn't sound like a nice man at all.

You're married. The house belongs to you too. Legally he can't kick you out.

He sounds all full of bluster. What an idiot.

Don't get your information (such as about whether you need to move out etc.) from this man. He is not your friend anymore. Sorry OP.

I don't think there could be anyone else as he is always here lol! I wouldn't put it past him atm, I am not kidding myself that he is a better man than that anymore, but I think, from the past, that he is being a stubborn arse and not backing down, everything he has done and said is right, justified etc, he will argue it until the end! If the house is rented, and he is saying just in his name, do I have any rights over it? Thank again all :)

TBH I have had an instinct all along that things weren't quite what he was saying, but he was so insistent, seemed so happy, I have let myself be convinced by him and others that it was all me, I have been on 200mg of sertraline just to stop the thoughts that things aren't all as they seem, because he said I should, because apparently it was all in my head. Now I'm suffering with the side effects trying to get off of them, because he just couldn't suck it up and be honest. But it is all still my fault, of course!

Do not leave that house.

I assume you are main carer for the children, from what you've said?

The idea that women are less interested in sex is very culturally specific to our time. In previous centuries it's been presumed that women are much more wanton and lustful and THEREFORE need to be controlled more.

(whichever way it goes, women always end up being controlled more... funny that)

yes I am the main carer, I can't lose these guys :(

You are entiltled to spousal support.
Did he buy the house before you married?

If not, then regardless of it being in his name you are entitled to at least half of it.

Do not leave the house no matter what you do.

Just ignore him and do what you need to do. He's behaving like he has a deeper issue.

thank you :) it is a rented house, does that make a difference?

Darling, you won't lose your DC because you are the main carer. You need to get your financial ducks in order. If you go to a solicitor many will give you a free half hour and tell you your rights.

Do you have access to money or does he control that too?

Check with the CAB about your rights to the house and benefits, he may not be able to afford it alone anyway.