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Original poster

Did I do wrong?

38 replies

shilpafan · 17/01/2007 22:30

We have just come back from a week in Spain, "we" are me, my partner and my 2 children. My partner and I do not live together but we paid half and half for the over-all price of the holiday, this meant in a way he paid more than he had to as he paid for one of the kids too but he didnt see it like that, just that we should pay half and half.

Anyway it was a struggle for me getting my half together as Im on income support but the space of around 9 months I managed it, it skinted me but I figured it would be worth it.

So we get there and he starts being grumpy with the kids, telling them to calm down and stop showing us up etc (they were just excited and being a little boistrous, nothing too OTT). anyway we get to our room and there is a leaflet saying about all the day trips for that week, he starts saying he wants time to relax, not go galavanting around everyday. I remain calm commited to not arguing whilst on holiday. we then go to bed.

Next morning me and the kids get up, they're desperate to get into the pool etc, dp moans that its too early, me and kids go downstairs for breakfast and then head for pool, DP makes it downstairs just in time for breakfast.

Then basically for the rest of the week DP moans about getting up so early, moans about the kids being too boistrous, moans about us wanting to go on day trips, moans about the food and nags constantly that we need a car as he hates walking when its hot. When I start to feel myself not enjoying the holiday and resenting him for it I decide its best to do my own thing with the kids and leave him to sulk, look for cars, compalin about the food or whatever else he wants to do. From this point on me and the kids had a great time, went on the trips, got up early to explore the island and basically made the most of it.

When we got home DP is in a mood with me saying I spoilt his holiday, he feels he wasted alot of money on it as he was just abandoned and he also feels that I used him to pay for half of the holiday just to sod off and leave him when we got there.

Was I in the wrong to go off and do my own thing considering he paid for half of the holiday?

(the kids are not his btw)

OP posts:

Caribbeanqueen · 17/01/2007 22:32

No, he sounds like an immature idiot.

Glad you ignored him and had fun with the kids.

NotQuiteCockney · 17/01/2007 22:34

It sounds like he clearly wasn't enjoying the company of the kids, so you took them away for him. What's to complain about? (I'd kill for a holiday where DH spent all day out and about with the kids.)

Is he normally this whingy at home?

lou33 · 17/01/2007 22:35

no you did the right thing

MamazonAKAfatty · 17/01/2007 22:37

if it were me i would borrow the funds to cover your child's part of the holiday and send it to him in a card saying "your dumped"

taffy101 · 17/01/2007 22:38

I would have done the same as you shilpafan. Doesn't bode well if you do decide to live together tho - he'll just have to get used to early mornings and boisterous kids

moondog · 17/01/2007 22:40

Hmm,best to know this stuff before he moves in eh (if that is the plan?)
He obviously has little understanding of what living with children means.
Good for you-it sounds like you gave your children a lovely experience.

Fireflyfairy2 · 17/01/2007 22:41

I'd be stealing Mamazons idea I reckon!!!

Childish boy!!

Chandra · 17/01/2007 22:42

Excuse me? wrong???? you are very mature and self contained I would have splurted a bunch of realities to his face, blamed him for being such a baby before walking off on him for the rest of the trip.

Glad you enjoyed the trip though, and even gladder you left him behind. Through out all these years of marriage DH and I have get to an agreement that we enjoy different things from a holiday so we go our separate ways and get together for the things that interest us both

bandstand · 17/01/2007 22:53

hmm so i take it you wont be moving in together in the near future... oh your are? always put myu foot in it.

RosaLuxembourg · 17/01/2007 23:00

If it were me he would now be lying at the bottom of the hotel pool with a heavy rock on top of him. What did he expect going onholiday with children would be like? You are completely in the right on this one.

Pann · 17/01/2007 23:38

After pulling him up from the bottom of the pool and carefully resucitating him ( I think Spain has laws about that sort of thing , I would be having the conversation that you two should have had before you agreed to spend so much time together in a foreign country with the additionally considerations that children bring...

...and perhaps, no, he may have had nooo idea what children are like on hols...and it may have needed spelling out and preparing beforehand.....

and...he IS entitled to his holiday, though not to mess up yours and the wee one's.....not sure the money notion throws any illumination on the issue at hand...

colditz · 17/01/2007 23:46

Borrow the money, send it to him registered post, and get rid of him. he's a dick.

people who have not had kids expect to be able to put themselves first whenever they feel like it. He is evidently not ready for not being able to, IYSWIM.

zookeeper · 17/01/2007 23:54

if he can't cope with the kids on holiday he's not going to cope with them if he moves in with you. I think you've had a lucky escape!

zookeeper · 17/01/2007 23:54

..if you dump him, that is..

Pann · 17/01/2007 23:59

No point in discussing it, then?? Anybody?? It would be an educative process in all probability......

or are we leaving him at the bottom of the pool.

Perhaps the "drown the fecker" posters are overlooking the further upset caused to the children by another emotional upheaval which may prove, with some reflection, unecessary.

colditz · 18/01/2007 00:06

he moane3d about them for the3ir entire holiday. If anyone moaned about my children for their entire holidaym, which I had scrimped to make fun for my children, I would indeed dump them. I wish I had known this 5 years ago, but a leopard rarely changes it's spots. If he was moaning while on holiday, where he should have been relaxed and cheerful, then what will his reaction be like when they wake him up by playing loudly on his day off? Or want you at night when he also wants you? or need to go to the doctors when he wants to do something else with you?

his whole attitude is self centred. He hasn't got children, he won't understand how they become the focus of your life. Hye was stropping on holiday because I bet with previous girlfriends, he had them all to himself. He was jealous of your children. Simple as that. Do you want to keep someone like that in your life, really? The OP had a much better time without him. Why stay with him?

LemonTart · 18/01/2007 00:06

Shame your DP wasn?t able to be more realistic about what a hol away with children would involve. Sounds like he had this idealistic fantasy view where the children would melt into the background and you both could have a romantic break doing very little other than sit around the pool after long lie ins. If he wants to be in a relationship with you he needs to grow up and realise that you come as a package with your children and that they have needs to consider as well as his own.
Pity your hol was not all that you both had hoped for but maybe it has flagged up a few important concerns to deal with before taking any further steps in you relationship. There is nothing wrong with having diff viewes of what makes aholiday. My DH thinks a hol should involve doing as little as possible whereas I like to get up by 8am and start filling every min in with exploration and savour every precious minute. Sure, we disagree about it now and again but respect each other enough to compromise with things like a busy morning and then relax by the pool in the afternoon etc etc.
I wouldn?t just jack it all in unless you want to. Ok, so he sounds out of order and was unrealistic - perhaps he needs time to adjust to the thought of being not just part of a couple but part of a family. If he is incapable of thinking beyond his own needs after this holiday and can?t see it from your perspective then maybe it is time to call it a day for you and your kids sake. Only you can make that call though. Things are rarely black and white

colditz · 18/01/2007 00:07

further to this, the emotional unheaval caused by a grown man continually demanding your mother's attention when she is trying to look after you must surely be worse than getting rid now, before he even moves in.

Pann · 18/01/2007 00:11

just taking a longer term, more rounded view of it all.

Shame to throw the baby out with the pool water.

colditz · 18/01/2007 00:11

He's not a baby though, that's the point, LOL

Pann · 18/01/2007 00:17

yes, but I wasn't referring to that particular baby.

colditz · 18/01/2007 00:32

I see the metaphor, and being serious, I don't think ther is a baby. It looks like all bathwater from here.

lemonstartree · 18/01/2007 09:06

no you did the right thing

agree with the others - dump him!

DetentionGrrrl · 18/01/2007 09:14

oh dear...someone's not step-father material then.

morningpaper · 18/01/2007 09:19

He sounds like a normal man who has never raised children

Children ARE awful and I can understand where he is coming from

You have to sacrifice nice holidays and what YOU want, if you are going to parent children

If that's what he wants to do, then he is going to be on a steep learning curve

The children won't change - he'll have to

You sound like a great mum though and you definitely did the right thing xxx

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