How to get DD5 to like her dad?

[Tatiana11235]

I told H that DD wants to go to the park, he said he'll come along. DD5 then says "But I don't want dad to come, only want mum". It went down like a lead balloon....
She's never been his fan, will tolerate him if no other option but no more than that.
He always blamed me for this. Apparently DD and I were and are so close it's impossible to get in between us. FYI I breastfed and did it for a long time. I always thought that's the reason but he says I'm full of shit and it's because I am possessive over her
Has anyone else been in similar situation and managed to get their child to like the other adult? Advice desperately needed, thank you!

why are you with him?

My dgd adores her father even though my dd breastfed for 2.5 years and they don't live together, but he is lovely to her.

I have this with DH - drives me nuts -

Kids will ask if he'll play football or cards or watch TV - or sometimes homework - and its always later never particularly annoying when one won't 'do' homework and shows willing!

I feel your pain - but I do think he'll be too late to mend bridges because kids only have now.

It sounds like she is scared of him not just doesn't like him. I don't know any 5 year olds that would willingly spend hours in their room only coming out for food. That tends to be teen behaviour due to them exercising independence it's worrying in a 5 year old.

And yes what pp said she is witnessing abuse (which is the same as abusing her because it undermines her sense of safety and security).

Enough is enough op. You don't want this for your dd.

It sounds to me like your daughter is an excellent judge of character.

And kind and caring too :)

Others are right. You're not happy, your DD is struggling. What's your plan long term with this relationship?

You're right that she shouldn't have to feel protective over you.

Are you scared he will hurt her if you're not there to supervise?

Oh OP, that sounds bad, sorry 'Other things' I assume are things for his benefit only - boys' toys etc?

I am inclined now to agree with those posters saying your dd has got the measure of him. I think (as I think you prob do) the question in your thread title is the wrong one - you can't take on responsibility for a relationship he's ruining.

He definitely won't hurt her.

Long term plan is to go our own ways Bertie. In fact, he told me he won't leave until I kick him out. It would be incredibly tight to do so because historically he isn't responsible enough to keep a place and pay the bills. I have to consider that because I will have to send my DD for visits should be separate.

You don't have to consider that, you really don't. In terms of your dd's wellbeing, by far the most important thing is to get him out.

He can sort himself out. He's an adult.

What handy said. He's not your responsibility. He can see DD at your place at a push (I wouldn't recommend this as he's verbally abusive) or at a relative's house, or out and about for the day - swimming, park, zoo, soft play.

Agree his housing is not your problem he's an adult your dd is the priority

He doesnt sound all that pleasant im sorry to say he shouts at you bangs about no wonder she doesnt like him that much she never sees him and when she does he is the angry man he needs to sort it

You wont seperate because he is rubbish with money so you stay with an angry man who scares your child because he is rubbish with money

In fact, he told me he won't leave until I kick him out.

I suggest you actually do this then.

He sounds right nasty. Why are you putting up it and why are you making your child put up with it?

You say he wouldnt harm her but all this tension and shouting and anger will harm her

I agree, he may not physically harm her (personally I wouldn't risk it) but it's certainly not acceptable to have her living with such aggression.

DoreenLethal, I am putting up with it because after 10 years I no longer know what's acceptable and what isn't. You know when you're constantly told everything is your fault you kind of start believing it and doubting yourself.

MrsJayy and Baconyum you are of course right. It will damage her the way it has damaged me.

This is what I needed. An outsider's point of view. Thank you all!

you are right if you are in the middle of this then you can become conditioned to it sorry you are going through this

Me and my ex had an relationship like yours, thank god he left when she was 2. Too young to remember or be traumatised by it because she would have, she would have been like your daughter.

Now, they get on much better and he spends quality time with her, things he didn't do when we lived together. Ex isn't involved as I like but he's a good father when he sees her.

You need sort this out....