Tinder

[datingdisaster41]

Hi all - I've tried online dating - I just seem to see the same old face on pof (men probs think the same about mine!) I'd like to try Tinder but does anyone have experience? I heard you have to go through Facebook and I don't want it to show up on my Facebook account. Also - am I a bit too old as I'm mid-forties? Thanks!

[GreenGoth89]

Been with DP for 2.5 years after meeting on tinder. Had a lot of dates though, a lot of men wanting just sex and there's no catering for bisexual people - you have to choose one or the other, which is very annoying!

[LadyStarkOfWinterfell]

It's pretty stupid to assume you know which women will find you attractive! Do you think there is an attractiveness scale in which only people in the same level will be attracted to each other? You're refusing to swipe right on either women you fancy or women you don't think you could ever fancy, no wonder your pool of potentials is tiny

[bert3400]

2 of my good friends have met lovely blokes on Tinder and now very settled . They both had a few bad dates but neither regretted going on it

[ivykaty44]

Dr how on earth do you know what attractive woman like?

Just swipe right if you like the way they look and then let them decide whether they want to swip right - never assume. It could be that you are denying some poor attractive lady getting to know you.

[Oddsocksgalore]

Men have said to me before they didn't ask me out because they didn't think they had a chance.

I used to feel like a minger!

I think men often think they are out of someone's league but how will you know unless you try!

[ivykaty44]

That's what should be great though as if you swipe right to people you find attractive - noone knows but you and the app.

If you get a match all the better

[Snazarooney]

Tinder is so much fun. It's my favourite too.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Well, as you all said I was being stupid not to swipe right on stunningly attractive women as I thought they would either a) be fake or b) not be interested in an average looking guy, I decided to give it a go. I swiped a few more than I usually would to see what would happen.

Last evening my phone made a strange sound. Bloody hell, it was Tinder telling me I had a match. And yes, with one of the women I would bracket into "stunningly attractive". So I sent a nice polite message with a question in it to encourage a chat.

Didn't hear anything back and the match has disappeared this morning. So I am inclined to go with option a) a fake to encourage people to keep trying, just as there are fake profiles on POF and Match etc.

Got my hopes up there for a minute.

[Northumberlandlass]

I agree. Tinder is my favourite OLD app. Mainly because we both have to have swiped right to send messages. I used to spend a lot of time on other sites receiving unwanted & often rude messages (I think some blokes just like doing that). I've had a few decent Tinder dates.
When I first joined I didn't swipe right much, but now I go for it!

[LadyStarkOfWinterfell]

Jesus Seth do you not understand the mechanics of tinder? You can't be disheartened by every woman that doesn't reply or unmatches you. It's a numbers game. Sounds like you're a bit too delicate a flower for OLD

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

No, LadyStark, I've used most OLD sites in the last four years and it is a fascinating experience. To be fair, if you live in a semi-rural area like I do, the pool is smaller to start with than if you're in or near a city. The comment about getting my hopes up was irony.

I was proving my point that there are just as many fake profiles on Tinder and that generally the more attractive ones are, indeed, the fakes, as on the more traditional OLD sites; in fact, I was reading a report last night suggesting that as much as 61% of internet traffic on dating sites and apps are fake profiles or "bots" that are there to either encourage you to stay on the site or to try and divert you to a cam show or some other fee paying site. And because the proportion of men on dating sites is much higher than the proportion of women, most of the fakes are aimed at men (because a proportion of men are so stupid they can't spot the "bots").

[thedogdaysareover]

I think you were the one DrSeth who was protesting I was wrong on another dating thread, when I said that women shouldn't ask men out and should wait until the man has indicated an interest in taking her out first (because doing otherwise leaves a woman open to the risk of dating players/abusers).

No wonder you think that when you're clearly not asking any out yourself. ;)
And fwiw it is mostly men who have a problem with my opinion. Swipe right sometimes, I dare you. Put yourself out there, don't expect a decent woman to do all the legwork.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Thedog if you live semi-rural, there aren't exactly a lot to ask out in the first place and most clubs I am a member of seem to be full of married women, not single women. Although, to be fair, I have several single female friends (to whom I am not attracted and vice versa) who say they exact same and say they never meet any single men in real life! So we go on the OLD merry-go-round!

I DO swipe right, but I am realistic about who I swipe. I prefer someone who says a few things in a bio so I know there is some mutual interest, rather than just window shop.

But yes, I'm an equal opportunities dater. I believe in this day and age there is nothing wrong in a woman asking a man out whatsoever. There is absolutely no more likelihood in a man being a player because he was asked out by a woman than vice versa. It's ludicrous, as others on that thread also stated.

[thedogdaysareover]

It's not ludicrous, but then you're not a woman and not a player.

[niceupthedance]

What message did you send? If I got a really disappointing first message eg 'how's you' I would unmatch tbh. After 2 years I was fairly ruthless!

[Myusernameismyusername]

I gave up on it. I got match after match from people swiping but rarely any messages or messages back if I sent one first. I have never got to the stage of a date.
I ended up thinking it was like when you are a child at Christmas and you put a circle round all the stuff you like in the Argos book. I was the Argos book.
And I changed profile pics and saying a lot or saying not much, being funny, being serious. I didn't mention anything about my dislikes (not bothered about height anyway).
Out of 2 messages I ever recieved both told me it was nice to see a woman in her pictures not wearing a bikini, which I suppose was flattering in some ways but then both of them turned slimy and immediately tried to get my phone number after 3 messages of 'hi how was your day'

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

niceup No, it was not "how's u?" For one, I never use text speak and two, I've been doing the OLD thing long enough to know what's what. I was fairly certain it was a fake - only the one photo - and as there was no bio, it's pretty hard to come up with something as a lead-off. The photo did have a tennis racket in the background behind her, so I asked how much she played and what did she think about Sharapova's two-year ban. Innocuous enough.

[Myusernameismyusername]

DrSeth this is the problem with people using Tinder who don't really just go for it and let go and take a chance. I don't know why guys never messaged me back, I don't have a type, I looked for nice smile, interesting bio, distance from me to but age wasn't an issue nor height but NO ONE HAS ANYTHING TO SAY and therefore, it totally put me off.

[tsonlyme]

I like tinder, I get a good few matches and have at least short chats with about half of them. Been on it for about six weeks only, had three dates, two more planned and a second date tomorrow. Honestly, I'm no goddess but I did choose my pics carefully. I often right swipe men I would normally consider out of my league because what the heck, Nothing ventured nothing gained 😄

I do get a bit angsty about messages if they take ages to reply but that's my issue not theirs and I think I need to not get too invested.

Fake profiles keep being mentioned. Are there fake mens profiles too do you think? I have one sitting on my match list (no messages) who is suspiciously good looking and well photographed. What would the purpose of that be?

[Myusernameismyusername]

I chose mine carefully too. I am not one for selfies and don't think I am a total fugly woman but I am on the chubby side (size 14).
Anyway perhaps it is just something I was doing wrong.
I've seen what I think are fake profiles I suspect there might be many

[cinammontwist]

Myusername I'm even chubbier - size 18. Sheesh that looks awful written down. I most certainly don't have a pic in a bikini!

I get a fair proportion of matches sending me pictures of their cock. Why oh why? I've had a few good dates (not with Mr Cockpic) but some really rubbish ones too.

I see it as though I'm buying a house: need to date at least 20 before I know what's out there and what I'm looking for.

[Myusernameismyusername]

I hated the cock pics. I would just never find that attractive in a man.
I had some POF dates which were not all awful, but it's a funny age to date in late 30's-40's, I found many men (like many women no doubt) were just overwhelmed with new found post divorce freedom and more into trying to recreate their lost youth than finding someone to share it with or those who were horribly lonely and dejected by life.
I might try it again in a year or two when my children are older. I found it hard to date as a single parent who works full time I couldn't just decide on a Thursday to go for a drink or two, it involved rigid days and advance planning. Not very spontaneous

[ivykaty44]

So if woman get sent cock photos, what sort rude photos do men get sent?

[Myusernameismyusername]

They say they get naked or half naked selfies