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Relationships

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Original poster

Help!!! dh and i want to marry but pull it off as our first wedding complicated....

28 replies

rosebud1980 · 17/01/2007 17:23

dh and i got married two years ago after ds was born just for financial reasons at the time we planned to remarry properly at a later date. The thing is we never told anyone as we were scared about their reactions and now as times gone on its harder to break the news. We thought we could renew our vows etc only to find out we cannot say the contractial words.We really dont know what to do.It was conpletely crazy and i blame it on my pregnancy hormones as it was a month after he was born that we did it.

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 17/01/2007 17:26

err

what exactly are you scared of?

liquidclocks · 17/01/2007 17:31

Do you have to use specific vows - loads of couples write their own now - who would know? Or is one of your family memebers a vicar?

Original poster

rosebud1980 · 17/01/2007 18:12

my mum would never forgive me for not inviting her neither would mil. The day itself was awful as i had a cold and hadnt got my figure back so didnt want to make a big event out of it but because of dh job and financial reasons we had to get married.I was hoping to do it all properly and say the words again.is it illegal to get mrried to the same person twice?

OP posts:

Ladymuck · 17/01/2007 18:29

There shouldn't be anything stopping you from saying the same words to each other. You should just omit the bit about asking if anyone knows any lawful reason as to why you shouldn't get married. And you don't get to sign a register. My church minister isn't legally allowed to perform marriages so everyone has to have a less formal registry office wedding before the wedding anyway - so I have 2 wedding anniversaries to remember - the lagal one and the one that my friends and family know about. Instead of signing the register we sign a scroll setting out our marriage vows.

I know one couple who married early for visa reasons, and had their church wedding exactly a year later so have just one date to remember (though confuse people as to the number of years!)

BuffysMum · 17/01/2007 18:33

ask at your local C of E church if they will do vow renewal service, ask to speaker to vicar, he should be sympathetic and make it as wedding like as possible. TBH your family will probably not notice you saying the legal bits - it could be reworded anyway so not the official word - "I know not of any legal reasons why I am not free to be married to xxxxx" something like that?

beckybrastraps · 17/01/2007 18:34

You can certainly renew your vows in church, but there would be no register (obviously) and I doubt you could get a priest to go along with any subterfuge.

DizzyBint · 17/01/2007 18:37

if you want a church wedding then it could all get very complicated, but for a civil wedding you can do pretty much what you like. a sympathetic registrar will probably let you pose as if signing too, for the photos.

Quootiepie · 17/01/2007 18:43

DH and I are having our wedding blessed - I guess it's abit like renewing your vows?

BuffysMum · 17/01/2007 18:44

in lots of churches you go next door to sign the register....get friends to pose as witnessess?????? Alternatively set the date for the big do etc etc etc get them all excited and involved and then break the news you had to do the legal bit a few years back but this is what youre counting as your wedding day......?

Mixedbiscuits · 17/01/2007 23:20

I am in exactly the same situation! I've been chewing this over for a long time and basically I've decided that the best thing to do (as with most things) is to come clean and tell the truth.

Whats done is done and i think that people will more hurt by a double bluff. I intend on breaking the news soon, as we too are going to renew our vows! We're big people and life happens! We'll do it exactly like a big wedding anyway, so no-one will miss out in the long run. After a few drinks at the party, I'm sure people will actually find it hilarous! Perhaps it will be a running joke within the family, don't do a Jane... for example!

what doesn't kill u makes u stronger!

maisym · 17/01/2007 23:23

Explain what you've done and have a big celebration party.

moondog · 17/01/2007 23:25

My sister did this with her foreign boyfriend.When she told us all,noone minded.Important thing was that they loved (and still love) each other.

Sometimes we lose sight of that.

Similarly my dh and I married on the quiet with no witnesses or family.
Again,people happy for us.

Who are these strange women who will 'never forgive'?

Never forgive what? Their lost chance to purcahse a vile matching floral ensemble and lurch drunkenly to numbers from Grease after too many Martinis??

lulabelle · 18/01/2007 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

damodad · 18/01/2007 15:46

We did exactly the same thing back in Dec .... still haven't told any family yet.. not sure how it will go. We are getting "married" in sept 2008 !!

Original poster

rosebud1980 · 18/01/2007 16:44

im gald im not only one lolhow are you going to pull off a second wedding are darmodad?

OP posts:

dmo · 18/01/2007 16:54

do you want a church wedding?
dh and i married in the reg office with all our family (didnt want a big wedding)
when ds was baptised father said we could marry again in church (the proper whole hog) i'm not intrested as i had a lovely day but its catholic stuff as we now cant have holy bread etc

Aloha · 18/01/2007 16:56

Well, I think the sensible thing is to tell them and tell them not to be silly about it. Or you could have a Humanist ceremony which is just like a wedding but not legal so you have to have the legalities done first.

yorkshirelass79 · 18/01/2007 16:56

Message withdrawn

damodad · 19/01/2007 09:46

Rosebud,
Don't know what we're going to do yet... going to wait for baby to arrive and hopefully that will halp diffuse the situation

Me and DW live away from our parents so travelling home is expensive, we got married partially for financial reasons (we have been together for 10 yrs!!) so if we point out the fact that if we hadn't got married then we would only be able to go home every so often then hopefully it will all work out !!

Original poster

rosebud1980 · 19/01/2007 13:49

we married so we were entitled to married quarters. We had just had the baby and were living off one income and our land lady had increased our rent etc.We applied for m/q's and were offered a house on the condition we were married the rent was £200 cheaper and the house was twice the size we couldnt afford not to go through with it. We thought we could renew our vows and for it to be the same as a real wedding except for the register at the end.

OP posts:

shosha · 19/01/2007 13:53

Message withdrawn

damodad · 19/01/2007 14:28

We got married the same reason, to get into married quarters... our old landlord wanted to sell and we couldn't afford to save up for another deposit.

Now my DW can afford to have a year off work and we can afford to live comfortably

shosha · 19/01/2007 15:57

Message withdrawn

shosha · 19/01/2007 15:57

Message withdrawn

Hulababy · 19/01/2007 16:16

I got married abroad and had a full church blessing 2 weeks later. the blessing was almost identical to a proper wedding. We could ave chose to have my dad walk down the ailse, etc. We did have full wedding outfits, bes man, bridesmaid, etc. Trying to thing of the wording. They didn't ask if there was any reason we couldn't marry.... and I think he acually blessed the rings, etc still the same - and DH said our vows. That was a catholic blessing, but can't be much different. We had hymns and readings, th whole works. We signed the church register too, but we didn't get a marriage certificate from there obviously.

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