DH had awful thing happen and now using drugs...help!

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I'm going to try and keep this short. My DH disclosed to me that he'd been raped my 2 men. Since then we've been struggling to move forward. 2 small children under 3, one of which was recently quite unwell, I've got PND and we don't have family close by to support. He's refusing to seek any support or help and won't discuss it with me or any other friends. I found out yesterday that he's taking a class A drug to 'get him through' a stressful work period. I'm devastated as he's been hiding it so well and I don't know what to do. I'm struggling myself with the PND but I need to help him. I don't know how we can survive this if we're not on the same page. He's threatened to leave me if I disclose what happened to him to any of our RL friends. I feel sick and can't sleep. Anyone help with a way forward?

Sorry for all the mistakes in the previous post. I am a bit under time pressure. God Night to all!

Thank you everyone for all the replies. We made a monumental breakthrough 2 nights ago. I calmly talked to him about it all, kept repeating I love him and I'm not leaving but we need to move forward together. He broke down, the first time I've seen him express raw emotion about the attack and has agreed to go to counselling. He stopped the drugs 6 weeks ago (I believe him as that coincides with his behaviour and what his BF said). He also doesn't have anything to gain by lying any more to me. He said he was trying to protect me by managing it himself (albeit in a bad way) due to the PND. We've turned a corner and working through it together.

Those are good news. :)

I hope he can do it.

OP, Best wishes to you and your family

I would be more interested to know what he is doing about reporting the rape than whether he is taking drugs...

oh that is very positive news. I'm so glad to hear it.

I'm also seconding that PND passes. You never think it will but it does.

Wishing you both the very best

I have no solid advice to offer that hasn't been mentioned above in one way or another, just wanted to add I'm thinking of you both and really wish you the best. Such an awful situation, I really hope you can both get some support that will help you

Best wishes to you and your DH OP.

I'm so glad he has agreed to counselling. He's been through a really traumatic experience and IMO that needs the support of professionals.

You both sound really strong and committed to moving forward together

As he was open to having counselling to sort out his drinking, maybe that would be a good route to follow. Also, there are plenty of legal drugs that can help deal with psychic distress.

So first step is probably a trip to the GP, following by therapy of some sort - private, if you can afford it, to cut down on waiting time and so there is not a limited number of sessions.

Sorry - I'd read most of the thread, but not the OP's latest post.

I am so pleased for you that you've been able to talk about this with him. I wish you all the best.

That's great that he has finally opened up more. Hopefully this is the beginning of sorting it out. Good luck.

Hi, OP, I remember your other thread and my heart breaks for the both of you

So glad he's agreed to go to counselling, I truly hope that in time you can both move forward together.

Coke seems such an odd thing to take to cope, doesn't it?

Honestly, as someone who has taken coke to get through trauma, it really isn't odd at all. It makes you feel twice your size, brilliant; it elevates you to what you think is a higher mental level - whilst also conveniently dissociating you from your body and emotions. I'm so glad he's stopping taking it and making use of more constructive support, but it doesn't surprise me at all. You are both very strong people in what is clearly a very loving marriage and I wish you all the best. xx