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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you think?

39 replies

smarti08 · 30/05/2016 21:53

My husband has been working with a woman for the past four months. I have met her on two occasions and she seems very chatty. He tells me that she is the type of person who is willing to share all the private details of her life with anybody. She on the face of it seems like a decent enough girl. Apparently she is having relationship problems and has confided in my husband. She has text him on two occasions around 4am to tell him she won't be able to come into work (he is her line manager).
He has called her on twice at 6.30 am to make sure she is up for work, this weekend he sent her a text saying "I'm going to be out for an hour or so if you want to talk" she replied "he's here he's not working" . My husbands explanation was that he feels sorry for her because she is having a tough time at home with her current partner. We have been married for 8years and I have never questioned his fidelity before. Never had cause. What do you think? Am I reading too much into this?

OP posts:
LucySnow12 · 30/05/2016 22:12

I think boundaries are being crossed.

mayneverhireAnannyagain · 30/05/2016 22:25

I agree, even if there is nothing going on between them, it is definitely inappropriate work-wise

Greenandmighty · 30/05/2016 23:36

I agree, it sounds inappropriate given that he's her manager. Did your H show you the text he sent or did you find it? Why are they texting each other about her personal life? I think you should make it quite clear that it's unacceptable.

Gide · 30/05/2016 23:41

What time do they start work that she's texting at 4am? Definitely a bit too familiar.

Original poster
smarti08 · 30/05/2016 23:42

He starts at 7 and she starts at 8

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 30/05/2016 23:45

This sounds like the beginning of an emotional affair. I'd have a talk with DH and would not accept the 'feels sorry for her' line .

Original poster
smarti08 · 31/05/2016 00:05

Can I ask what does DH stand for?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/05/2016 00:08

Your Darling Husband is embarking on a rescue mission for the fair maiden

In other words, he is embarking on on affair

It might not be too late for him to realise his huge mistake

Why haven't you played holy hell ?

Original poster
smarti08 · 31/05/2016 04:27

I have spoken to him at length about this, and funny enough a have said everything in the above comments. Do you think I should mark her card?

OP posts:
CookieDoughKid · 31/05/2016 05:16

Yes. I would.

Scarydinosaurs · 31/05/2016 05:19

Mark HIS card. She has no reason to be loyal to you.

Baconyum · 31/05/2016 05:20

Yes! I would mark both their bloody cards!

Totally inappropriate. In addition as she's crap at keeping things to herself he's risking his job.

LineyReborn · 31/05/2016 05:24

How did you come to see the text messages?

LateNightEveningProstitute · 31/05/2016 06:15

Yes, mark his card. She isn't relevant in all of this. She might actually just be offloading on someone who is willing to be offloaded on and not be looking for anything more than a bit of support, at all.

Especially if he's older than her. Which I'm guessing he probably is...

Doinmummy · 31/05/2016 08:50

She's definitely NOT just looking for someone to offload to .

DoreenLethal · 31/05/2016 08:53

He has called her on twice at 6.30 am to make sure she is up for work

So he is either fucking her or harassing her. Nice.

Baconyum · 31/05/2016 08:55

I agree I'm sure there's any number of other people she could offload to.

Costacoffeeplease · 31/05/2016 08:58

I'd go ballistic if my line manager checked if I was up for work! And she hasn't?

Mark his card - she's nothing to you

Doinmummy · 31/05/2016 09:10

If he hasn't been already Op , he will certainly have been unfaithful in his head . Sorry

HandyWoman · 31/05/2016 09:29

Clearly boundaries are being crossed: texting at 4:30? Him checking at 6:30 she's ready for work? They can only talk when the partners are not around?? Oh come on.....

Read him the riot act.

LateNightEveningProstitute · 31/05/2016 10:06

She might be looking for someone to offload to.

If he is her manager and she is much younger. It might not even have occurred to her that he fancies her. Not all women go through life preying on other women's husbands and assuming all men fancy them!

Original poster
smarti08 · 31/05/2016 10:14

There is about 4 years between them

OP posts:
Original poster
smarti08 · 31/05/2016 11:09

LateNightEveningProstitute...I think this one knows exactly what she is doing. I should add it's a construction site, she would change into her running gear and do her warm ups outside the site office. She lives approx. 15 miles away from site and I always thought that a bit odd !

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 31/05/2016 20:36

smarti you sound fixated on blaming the woman, and not acknowledging the 'weirdness' of your own married husband's role in this.

She could easily report him for harrasment- or leave and then go to an employment tribunal. Your husband is behaving like an absolute prick.

MatrixReloaded · 01/06/2016 03:40

Your husband is playing white knight to this alleged damsel in distress.(Google it )

Confiding in a opposite sex friend about relationship problems is often an opener to an affair. Like many betrayed spouse's the partner might be surprised to find out his relationship is that bad. Your foolish husband is lapping it up. This has clearly already crossed the line as the plans to talk privately suggest. An emotional affair is simply an affair that has not YET become physical. Should they start meeting up I would presume that things have changed and its now a physical affair.

There's several things you can do. Personally I wouldn't tolerate ANYONE texting or ringing my home with petty drama at four am. Next time that happens I would call her and I wouldn't be polite about it.