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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you think?

39 replies

smarti08 · 30/05/2016 21:53

My husband has been working with a woman for the past four months. I have met her on two occasions and she seems very chatty. He tells me that she is the type of person who is willing to share all the private details of her life with anybody. She on the face of it seems like a decent enough girl. Apparently she is having relationship problems and has confided in my husband. She has text him on two occasions around 4am to tell him she won't be able to come into work (he is her line manager).
He has called her on twice at 6.30 am to make sure she is up for work, this weekend he sent her a text saying "I'm going to be out for an hour or so if you want to talk" she replied "he's here he's not working" . My husbands explanation was that he feels sorry for her because she is having a tough time at home with her current partner. We have been married for 8years and I have never questioned his fidelity before. Never had cause. What do you think? Am I reading too much into this?

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 01/06/2016 08:39

I would tackle your OH on this not the other woman. If you speak to her she'll just go crying to him and he will up his white knight act.

His loyalties should lie with you, I'd be tearing strips off him.

smarti08 · 01/06/2016 15:53

THANK YOU EVERYBODY

I posted originally because my husband is a naive idiot and I had told him on a number of occasion he was playing with fire taking on her problems. Everything that was said in all the replies was nothing I had not already told him, including his knight in shinning armour routine, the boundaries being crossed, the risk to his job.
This has been a source of great tension in the household for over a month. If you felt I was being hard on this lady I was, because I left out the fact on my OP that him calling her to make sure she was up for work was at her request. To which I told him she has 3 school age children and a mobile phone any of which could wake her!

He thought I was being mean and I told him he was being stupid. So I have shown him all the responses and it has been a big eye opener for him. Why I never questioned his fidelity as I said originally was apart from his naivety he has shown me the text as and when they were sent.
I have never thought he was guilty of an affair, just stupidity but he his the type of person who would help anybody.
So if you feel I have duped you in anyway I am sorry but I just needed to show the idiot I am married to how it would look to other people.

Imagine that a wife being right!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/06/2016 18:06

If he had any respect for you there would be no need to get a bunch of Internet strangers to put him right.

Baconyum · 01/06/2016 18:13

AF strikes again!

She (sorry I think you're a she AF correct me if I'm wrong) knows her stuff.

YOU op not being happy with the situation REALLY should have been enough for him.

AnyFucker · 01/06/2016 18:16

I am a she. And so is my husband. Or summat.

Kidnapped · 01/06/2016 18:34

OP, has your husband ever texted a man from work at 6.30am to make sure he gets up in the morning?

Ever become a confidant for a man at work with relationship problems?

No? Then he's probably not the naïve idiot you are telling us he is. He was flattered and he enjoyed the attention from her at the very least. He got his ego stroked and that affected his judgement. Putting all of that under the naïve idiot label means that he doesn't take full responsibility for his part in it.

And if he genuinely is this big cuddly naïve idiot bless him then there is absolutely nothing to stop it happening again. And it could go further next time.

Baconyum · 01/06/2016 19:26

Do you mean you have a wife AF/female partner ?

Sorry for derail op.

Yea I'm not buying the naïf Schtick either!

AnyFucker · 01/06/2016 19:38

funny that all these men who contact other people inappropriately don't choose Brenda from the canteen with the frizzy perm or John from accounts isn't it ?

AnyFucker · 01/06/2016 19:38

Bacon, no. Just kidding. I have a very lovely husband.

Baconyum · 01/06/2016 19:45

Rightio cool. AF

Yea I take it she's not unattractive?

ALaughAMinute · 01/06/2016 20:04

So what's your husband going to do now that he's seen the thread OP?

Is he going to stop texting her?

Does he realise that she could take him to a tribunal for sexual harassment?

Doinmummy · 01/06/2016 23:37

I too wonder if he'd be as quick to don his armour if it was Doris the tea lady moaning that her husband Alf didn't love her any more because he refuses to rub her chill blains

Kidnapped · 02/06/2016 11:22

Gosh, we're cynical.

Thought it was just me. Smile

Cabrinha · 02/06/2016 12:29

If he was naïve he wouldn't have told her he could chat when he wasn't with you

Mr Naïve would have been gassing on the phone to her next to his wife on the sofa.

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