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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just spent the weekend with mil from hell!!!

67 replies

woodpops · 31/05/2004 19:34

I have just spent the weekend with the mil from hell. As a result my head is pounding, I'm in a horrid mood and spent the entire journey back arguing with dh about her!!!!!

OP posts:
Clayhead · 31/05/2004 19:35

I can sympathise.

What does your dh think? Is he supportive of you? I find dh's reaction is as important to me as mil's evilness.

AussieSim · 31/05/2004 19:55

Tell us more woodpops - it will make us all feel better about our MIL's OR give us a laugh OR encourage some other great MIL stories - of which I have been known to tell a few ...

Original poster
woodpops · 31/05/2004 19:55

Dh likes to sit on the fence. Which isn't the reaction I want. He can see where I'm coming from but darling mil makes most comments etc when dh isn't there so I think alot of the time dh thinks I'm making it up!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
woodpops · 31/05/2004 20:06

I really don't think you realise families are different until you meet a boyfriend and are introduced to their family. My dh's family are a cross between the Adams Family and The Osbournes. Sad though I may be I was really looking forward to watching the 1st big brother Friday night. Mil from hell spoke very loudly thoughout the programme and then stood up and announced she was going for an f*ing shit because she wasn't watching this s**t. How nice. I can never imagine saying anthing like that myself let alone hearing someone of her age say it. Thank God the kids were tucked up in bed. I dearn't leave the kids with her in case they come home swearing.

OP posts:
tammybear · 31/05/2004 20:10

I know what you mean woodpops. My dp's family are completely different from mine.

Your mil sounds like my ex's mum. She really annoyed the hell out of me!!

Original poster
woodpops · 31/05/2004 20:14

Glad to know I'm not alone. Mil thinks she's really close to her kids. For crying out loud her only dd went and got married without telling her. THat's close isn't it???

OP posts:
tammybear · 31/05/2004 20:15

she doesnt sound like shes a very nice person if her dd didnt tell her that

Original poster
woodpops · 31/05/2004 20:21

She's really not a nice person. She to ours xmas day with shingles and didn't tell us. A week later dd (who was only just 1 at the time) came out in chicken pox!!! Only then did she tell us that she'd got shingles and was diagnosed 3 days before xmas. But dd couldn't have got them from her cause she'd never had chicken pox!!! She's not the brightest bulb in the packet either!!!!!

OP posts:
tammybear · 31/05/2004 20:22

awww woodpops, i feel for u

jampot · 31/05/2004 20:23

Oh Woodpops - I really sympathise with you. I loathe my mil and they are coming back from Spain next week for the Summer (haven't seen them since about Oct and am dreading it). It completely takes over my life when she's here as I always have to try and be one step ahead of her.

Original poster
woodpops · 31/05/2004 20:28

Jampot, it's hard work isn't it trying to be one step ahead all of the time. But then if your mil is anything like mine you always know what she's going to say next or you can tell when she's looking for a fight which is normally 99% of the time.

OP posts:
ChicPea · 31/05/2004 21:09

Sympathies woodpops. You say she doesn't say these things in front of DH, could you then set a tape recorder up somewhere and then play it back to him??
And when she swears, could you say to her how thankful you are that she manages to refrain from doing so in front of the children?!

jampot · 31/05/2004 21:24

My mil is more manipulative than aggressive - I know I've posted this somewhere before but last year she (and fil) took my dh out looking at caravans knowing that he would like one but I loathe and detest them. The kept looking at loads and dh was really taken in by it - I explained gently to dh that we couldn't afford it and reminded him how I hated the one we had before. He said he was very disappointed with me! Then MIL offers him £15k to go and buy one!!!! no strings attached (yeah right) but wanted it in dh's name and her name jointly!!!

Chandra · 31/05/2004 21:34

Been through that you make the excuse that you dcan't afford something (to politely avoid saying that you dislike something) and the next thing MIL does is sending a check for the several thousand pounds thing you don't want and from then she keeps repeating "I paid, I'm deciding" after every single opinion, and then DH preffer to keep the money -and the situation- rather to upset his dear mummy by returning the money &("£&$!!!

charliecat · 31/05/2004 21:37

Cough Cough, one day we too will all be MILs from Hell he he he!!!!!!!!

Nutcracker · 31/05/2004 21:40

You have my deepest sympathy. I too have a MIL (well actually a whole family) from hell.
I managed to stand 7 yrs of her (which included quite a few horrible incidents) and then i exploded. Now we don't see her or FIL. Dp knows i don't mind if her goes and see's them, but they are not allowed anywhere near the flat or the kids.

Some people think it's harsh but i really really don't want them in my kids life at all.

Chandra · 31/05/2004 21:43

I really hope that the only good thing of going through this hell is learning from the experience and respecting DS's decisions and family , I have already learned that DILs have the right and power to stop visiting when they feel MILs have gone over the top.

jampot · 31/05/2004 21:49

My boy will never get married - he will stay at home with his mummy!!!!!!

israel · 31/05/2004 21:52

mil from hell.....god yes, tell me about it!
I was away for a week, recently, only to come back to find plans had been made between dh and mil to follow us...flight and living!!!...to OZ.....(plans we had been making for the last yr)...can you imagine my reaction.
jampot ...my mil is extreemly manipulative and underhand....she too uses the children a pawns.
This time though I went around to see her, alone...and explained if she didn't want us to lead our lives..ALONE...then I am not too sure just how long I will be with her dear son!!
So woodpops...get as manipulative/horrid as they are when you are alone with them!!!

hazlinh · 01/06/2004 03:40

oh god. i think I DEFINITELY have the worst mil from hell...and sil! dont even know where to start here....musnt say too much either..dh might see this...:0

emmatmg · 01/06/2004 07:31

Oh No No No No No Hazlinh, I will surely have the worst.

A couple of her little gems......of which there are many.

said to DH "***(DS1) is not my grandson and good luck to you if you think he's your son" Ds1 was about 4-5 weeks old at the time.

To me "your father is dead so why hasn't your mum got any money?" luckily for her she said this on the phone to me because I would have decked her if she said it to my face.

These and the many other comments stopped her seeing her first born grandchild for over a year until she apologised to me. She claims she did and I did let her see him but it's nowhere near the apology I deserve and I have never forgiven her, and absolutley never will.

Original poster
woodpops · 01/06/2004 08:15

Why is it always dh mothers that are from hell?? My mum is the best mil to my dh!!!!

OP posts:
Ghosty · 01/06/2004 09:17

Sympathies ...
My MIL is ok ... I quite like her really
BUT it is FIL's third wife that is the Witch Bitch From Hell ...
I can't stand her, never have ... she is a drunken slapper with a mouth like a sewer. For years I have tried to take her with a pinch of salt but this year I cracked.
Some gems ...
At our wedding she got off (ie snogged properly) on the dance floor with my cousin ... in front of FIL and MIL.
In a restaurant she took me and SIL to the toilets so that she could show us the breast implants that FIL paid for (and invited us to feel them .... eeeeewwwwww .... still feel sick at the thought - and before you ask ... NO I did not feel them!)
When I was pg with DS she told me she would give my 100 quid if it was a boy because FIL already had granddaughters and didn't want anymore.
She shouted at DS when he was 2 and told him to 'Shut up' when he was crying.
She has told me that I am a crap mother and I give birth to monsters.
I stopped talking to her when she babysat DS, got drunk and made him watch Lord of the Rings (he was 3 at the time) ...
There is so much more I can tell you ....

hazlinh · 01/06/2004 09:37

oh dear emmatmg. Don't know whether to laugh (cos at last I feel that I am NOT alone!!) or cry (precisely because I am NOT alone and some other poor wretched souls have similarly bad MILS as mine!

I wish I could do what u did and deprive her of dd, but DH just would never allow it. I still cant get over the fact that my MIL organised an island holiday for her kids and grandkids just DAYS after I had given birth and was stuck in bed!Needless to say, she manipulated DH into going along. I'm quite amazed that I didn't develop post-partum depression (I had severe depression, was suicidal (thanks to MIL and SIL actually) during my final trimester).

jampot · 01/06/2004 09:48

This thread must be kept alive with every nasty comment/manipulative deed dished out by our MILs!!!!!I will become a very regular feature on here I can tell you....