I'm not too sure what I want from this thread - perhaps just an outside view to spur me to action.
Will try to keep this short. DH's father arrived to see us from abroad in the first week of January. He said he was staying for 10 days but he has never left. He hasn't been staying with us all that time - he stayed January, February and half of March. Then left to stay with a friend at the other end of the country only to appear back at the beginning of May.
The situation is driving me up the wall. He has told us that he is not going back to the county he was living in and that he is moving back to his home country for good. He has mentioned looking for a flat to rent but isn't doing anything about it and although I think he will eventually sort something out I want him to do it sooner rather than later.
We don't have a spare room, he is sleeping in the living room and just sits in there all day (dressed and on the sofa, not in bed) on his computer. He contributes nothing other than walking the dog sometimes. No shopping, no cooking, no washing up, nothing.
We work full time and have 2 DC. I want to scream when I come home in the evening and he hasn't even been arsed to wash a steeping pot or set the table. He likes his food and is there for every sodding meal yet has never offered to cook. He has offered shopping but doesn't actually buy proper food, he buys ice cream because he likes it and wants to eat it (he will offer us some though).
I can hardly bear to be around him as I feel so resentful of his presence.
Background is he and DH have never been close, his parents divorced when he was 7, his father moved away and they only really saw each other in the summer holidays (I think for 3 weeks to a month so not nothing). His dad never paid child support or helped DH in any way with education or whatever. He is a deeply selfish man (although not actually nasty or deliberately unkind). A few years ago he fell on hard times and we were worried about him, we lost all contact for a while and didn't even know if he was alive, we wonder if he may have been homeless for a short while around this time. Once he got back in touch DH suggested that he come back to his home country and said that we would help him get back on his feet. I feel that we have done that now and I want him to leave. He has a very modest pension but it is enough to live on.
DH has said (kindly but perfectly firmly) a few times that he needs to look for somewhere to stay but he isn't looking and mentions some vague plan to house sit for a friend who is abroad. I'm worried this won't come to anything and he will still be here in a few months time.
I want my home back and I think we have done enough by giving him bed and board for months (plus offers to help with finding somewhere, help with bits of furniture, etc).
I have days off from work during the week sometimes as sometimes work weekends and I'm sitting upstairs in my bedroom because I don't want to be around him (downstairs of house is only kitchen and living room and they lead into each other).
I think he feels a bit awkward about being here (he is very discreet although unfortunately not great at cleaning up after himself when he uses the toilet and so on) but he seems perfectly happy to just sit in our house all day everyday, shuffle to the table for every meal, never give us any space, etc.
I'm so done now but don't know what to do. We can't just turf him out. I suspect he wants to stay with us and he will try to drag this out for as long as possible. I think the bit that gets to me the most is I feel like he is an emotional parasite, he has never contributed to our family (never given our DC birthday or Xmas cards or presents for example) and now he wants to have a family like situation because he has suddenly realised that he is a lonely old (ish) man. He is leeching off us and I feel used.
DH is finding it just as hard. Thankfully we are on the same page with this but it does sometimes make us moody and snappy with each other.
All and any advice welcome...