It is my first time posting on the boards but I need advice and hoping I can get some on here. Sorry it is long winded.
Met my now ex and we were together almost 3 years. He had just broken up with someone as had I so it was more a casual relationship than a committed one. We broke up and a few weeks later I find out I am pregnant which is when he divulges that he actually got back with his previous ex while we were together and she was also pregnant. Gave him the option of being in my sons life and he chose not to be, to stay with the other girl instead. Agreement was that he will meet our child when the child wants to meet him and leave it at that.
Roll on 5 years, my son wants to meet his dad so I get in touch with him and they begin a relationship. They have met perhaps 7/8 times in the past year. My sons dad has since married the other woman and has another child with her but never told her, or anyone for that matter, that he already fathered a child with me. My son is effectively, his dirty little secret. I know I sound like a doormat when I say i have not minded being a single mum to my son but it was easier for me to be on my own with him than drag everything through courts etc over the years and I thought I was doing the right thing by my son from the start.
Roll on again to this year, this month in fact. I find out that not only are my exes relations (sisters, parents etc) living down the road from me (as i said we were casual so i never met any of them) but one of them works with my very close friend and there is a party coming up and ALL of my exes family will be there. My sons family.
My question is, what do i do? Is it right that my son stays a secret? That these people meet him and think he is just another child at a party? Or do I tell one of them? He will not do it. There is no point in advising to advise him to come clean because he is the most incredible liar and charmer I have come across in my life. I could just not go to the party of course and then all this could be avoided but I feel sad for my son that he has grandparents and aunts/cousins etc that live SO so close (we are talking under a ten minute drive) and that he will potentially meet them when he is older in social circles. He will also meet his sisters in the same circles which causes other concerns. I am at a loss here. I genuinely do not know what the right course of action is and if anyone here has been through it and can advise me I would be very grateful. Feel free to ask any further details you think would be helpful with your responses.