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Original poster

Court ordered contact in hotels ?

61 replies

Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 14:13

Has anyone heard of this happening ? Basically ex is living in digs Monday to Friday and wants to take the kids every other weekend to hotel rooms. They are 13,12 and 5. They will refuse to go no matter what the court says, they e been asked about their wishes but not told about this scenario.

OP posts:
tornandhurt · 19/05/2016 16:31

You're coming across very bitter here, and I don't think I'm the only one that's thinking your children are being influenced by your own ideas rather than the fact that they want to spend time with their dad.

Without wishing to be too harsh on you (as I assume something horrid has caused this amount of ill-feeling between you) - just bear in mind that if we can pick up on this through a few short threads, the courts will be quick to take a view also.

Is it really worth upsetting your children. If they're safe and happy and having regular contact, surely that's all that matters??!!

NoFuchsGiven · 19/05/2016 16:35

they e been asked about their wishes but not told about this scenario.

They want to see him they just won't be impressed by the accommodation

The kids don't want it and are going to write letters to the court saying so.

Make your mind up op Hmm

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 16:45

Right they were asked about their feelings prior to knowing about the hotel.
That's just been revealed to me today, although clearly has been his plan all along.
Hope that clarifies

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 16:48

And yeah I am annoyed I had to let social services in my house and yet he doesn't even have one for them to inspect and that's ok, he can live as he pleased like a bloody nomad and that's fine, well it isn't good enough

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 19/05/2016 17:15

IDK, I loved staying in hotels when I was a kid. Room service, pools, someone else made my bed & picked up after me, all those little bottles of toiletries to use up.

I think your kids wouldn't be so dead set against this if you weren't so dead set against it. It also appears to me that you'd have a problem with him seeing them even if he lived in Kensington Palace.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 17:22

I really really don't have a problem with him parenting them at all. What I have a problem with is him living like a gypsy, taking no responsibility for them at all. The kids want a bed at mum and dads house and to spend time with both not live like this, if he chooses to fine but it's not fair to make them do so is it ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 17:24

Just another question if anyone can answer. If his contact started on Friday, is that Friday after school or am I expected to pick them up and feed them then he collects them from mine after he finishes work ?

OP posts:
Fourormore · 19/05/2016 17:31

It can be either.
A court will not make an order for a parent to have more contact than they have asked for. They won't force children on an unwilling parent.

The fact that the children share your opinions isn't a good sign. It probably feels good but it won't take much for the court to suspect that the children are being manipulated.

fuzzywuzzy · 19/05/2016 17:32

If contact is Friday I'd take it as he collects them from school on Friday.

Op you're in this for the long haul, in your shoes (& I was in your shoes), let the smaller things go, the DC will be fine in hotels if they have a problem with it they will tell him.

His maintenance payments won't go down unless he has them for a specific number of nights. I don't remember how many.

Have a contact schedule drawn up that you feel is best for your children. If you're uncertain about Friday contact for example ask the judge if this means he picks up the kids after school on Friday, if that's how you want it specify it.

Do not bring up hotels being an issue, it makes you sound like the stereotypical 'crazy ex', and you're not (no ex I've ever met is).

I'm sorry you and your children are going thro this. It gets easier as the children get older.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 17:32

My kids aren't easily manipulated into anything they are extremely strong willed invidious is believe me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 17:33

Fuzzy he wants them for exactly two days over the child Maintence threshold so it will go down say it's 54-104 nights it reduces by 1/7 he wants them for 56. I think that's very unfair. He pays £3,000 a year less for two nights.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 17:35

I'd forgotten something my friend just reminded me of. If cafcass say no does the judge generally go with cafcass' recommendations ?

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 19/05/2016 17:40

Op, if he's only doing it to lower maintenance he won't be able to keep it up. He'll also be incurring hotel bills, if you're worried about hotels, ask that the rooms have sleeping arrangements for all the children.

He sounds unpleasant, but you need to be really ultra reasonable.

The judge will not take kindly to letters sent in by the children, I was advised against it by my barrister and lawyer, altho DC were really desperate to have their voice heard. In the end we got a good CAFCASS officer who listened to the DC and represented them and their interests.

It's shit your ex is trying to wriggle out of financially supporting his own children, if he doesn't stick to contact arrangements you can get the money out of him. He will be paying for their hotel stay and food and activities whilst having contact.

Fourormore · 19/05/2016 17:40

Generally but not always.

fuzzywuzzy · 19/05/2016 17:41

The judge does take into consideration CAFCASS recommendations. They won't make judgements against CAFCASS recommendation ime.

Fourormore · 19/05/2016 17:42

£3000 sounds like a lot for an adjustment like that. A quick calculation suggests he's currently paying you £1750 a month in maintenance if that's the case, which doesn't add up to his £50k salary?

Fourormore · 19/05/2016 17:47

If he's on £50k then the adjustment from 52 nights to 53 nights is £1200.

A hotel once every fortnight will cost him more than that over a year. That's why the adjustment is there.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 17:47

Well this is the thing again you see, I know I'm drip feeding and I don't mean to but they come home bloody starving on the day he sees them at the moment, he'll pick them up at 10, they have a late lunch then arrive back at mine for 7 and raid the fridge for junk because they are starving.

He will keep it up. Look I said hotels for ease because I've done this thread before, but it's basically his mothers old peoples home he's going to rent a room in. The kids spent two weeks there at Christmas and absolutely hated it, so I've put my foot down up until now and said they can't go there. Cafcass agreed with me. At the moment he takes them out and does stuff with them BUT if they are visiting granny, he does just keep them in the house with the 5 year old bouncing off the walls. He proposes to drive 1.5 hours from where he stays, pick up the kids then drive another 1.5 hours to his mothers. It's all so shit

OP posts:
Fourormore · 19/05/2016 17:50

Right well that's an entirely different situation. If CAFCASS have said no to that then that seems fairly clear cut. The judge may still go against CAFCASS but usually they don't.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 19/05/2016 17:51

Sorry I just didn't want to go through all that again, I was accused of being old people ist last time.

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 19/05/2016 17:57

An old peoples home is completely different. Stick to what the CAFCASS officer has recommended also state the children need to be given three square meals on his contact time.

The judge won't push the feeding thing, they didn't for friends children, she pleaded that he buy them a pot noodle each just to tide them over. Apparently it's up to the fathers judgment tho.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/05/2016 21:55

I DO remember that thread! Wasn't it that one of them would have to sleep on the floor or a lack of privacy or something? I think remember that there was something about the sleeping arrangements. And I also do remember your postings. I'm not going to 'go there', but I'm assuming that you were upset at the time and that's why you didn't come off very well.

The thing is, you're going to have to abide by the court order no matter whether or not you agree with it. To violate it would not go well for you. BUT if the children don't want to go, if it were me I wouldn't pick them up and bodily throw them in the car. I would neither encourage nor discourage them. Let their father deal with that issue and not put you in the role of 'The Enforcer'.

On the day he sees them, could you tuck a few energy bars or packets of nuts into a bag or their pocket for them to snack on if they get hungry? I know you'd have to feed them still, but at least they wouldn't be ravenous.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 19/05/2016 22:04

The thing is, you're going to have to abide by the court order no matter whether or not you agree with it.

Curiosity question because I genuinely do not know. Not suggesring OP does this but if she does go against CO and NRP does not want more contact what does court actually do as a sanction? Do they fine? (Surely not in the best interests of the child)

AcrossthePond55 · 19/05/2016 23:11

I'm in the US. Here if there is a court order and a parent doesn't abide by it, the other parent can call the police and have the order enforced. BFF had to do it when her ex refused to return her son at the appointed time. Conversely, if the NRP comes to pick up and the RP won't let him, the police will also get involved in enforcing the order. It's not pleasant because basically a police officer goes to the door and waits for the parent to bring the child out or goes in and fetches the child. If the parent gets belligerent, they are arrested for disturbing the peace or obstructing justice. The family court doesn't get involved per se unless one of the parents takes the other back to court.

Not sure if it's the same in the UK.

Fourormore · 19/05/2016 23:15

The police don't get involved in the UK. If one party breaches the order, the other party has to apply for it to be enforced.

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