has anyone regretted walking away from family life?

[mummyof2lilboys]

Hi,

Just wondering has anyone made the decision to walk out on family life and then regretted there actions further on down the line?

I have posted a thread yesterday about my ex walking out on us! I'm confused about it all and don't want him back!.. But would love for him to realise what we had was good and regret it further down the line for some closure I suppose!..

My ex has a marvellous life, had a "gap year" in Australia with some poor cow bank rolling him and has walked back into the kids life without so much as a by nor leave from them, they wanted to make a welcome home banner for him despite him literally putting us on the streets, we were in a hostel for the homeless thanks to him !
And now he's all set to get 50% of the house I paid for .... There is no justice screw him before he screws you, seriously !

Oh I'm sorry that must of been tough for you all.. What is up with these men?!

Yes he will, but it can take a long time coming.

My first husband couldn't have cared less on the two occasions he did this.

Frankly, neither do I. Everybody concerned is far better off with this turd anywhere near any of us. :)

You'd think karma or some sort of chickens would come home to roost but frankly they don't it would seem .... His kids think he's a twat deep down but that doesn't seem to bother him either.

Karma will definitely get him in the end mines the opposite being really nice! But messing with my head!..

'being really nice'???? Walking out on your kids doesn't come anywhere in my definition of a nice man. Men who walk out on children because their marriage isn't exciting anymore are the lowest of the low imo. Slugs have more backbone.

I have no idea how I could live with my ex after he divorced me and left me with our daughter. He wanted to come back in 6 months after that, I did not take him back. It's been 3 years, - I still am certain I did a right thing not accepting him.

Maybe it's just me - I was very patient while we were married, but when he showed that he did not value that at all, - I really am not the forgiving type.

Then tou get accused of being bitter - getting completely fucked over and not forgetting and forgiving apparently makes YOU a bad person 😕

I am totally with giraffe.

My estranged-H has a girlfriend 13 years younger, "good sex", appears to be re-living his teenaged years, which he feels he wasted being too timid, getting drink and socialising. He sees the Children (four under 9) EOW, doesn'the want to miss the "momentous" events in their life (like seeing their first day of School will conpensate for not being around for most of their childhood) and, having complained that his w/es at home (he worked away) were full of "busy-ness and obligation", he has shoved all that onto me, but makes a fuss via the Solicitor about speaking to the Children every night and calls himself an "active Father".

I hope it does.

Yeah, Pissed, I've been called "spiteful" and "histrionic" for being upset about being left.

By really nice I mean coming round with stuff like my fave smelly candle and fave sweets, the other day a breakfast baguette and today a KFC for us all.. Maybe it's the guilt... But yes I agree leaving you family because you can't be bothered to 'try work things out' is low!.. Our relationship wasn't even bad (lovers and best friends) just no babysitters for time to ourselves and date nights out!.. But that could of easily been sorted if he had spoke to me about it!.. Grrrr... MEN

Maybe he's realised the grass isn't greener, would you consider going back ?

No don't think so now!.. He said he didn't love me anymore and them words hurt!.. I don't think he's had enough time to realise that!.. Plus he told me the other day about his long term plan (renting a room and saving for a deposit for a 1 bed flat) just got a txt from him asking if the kids are being good! He only left less than 2 hours ago!.. First time he's txt to ask about the kids since he's left!

I know there are some men out there who love family life and spending the vast majority of their spare time with them but there are lots that are not really arsed with the day to day stuff. My H and his friends love the pub more than their families as they are never out of there!

I think my father did.

There was a message left for us to call and a number. As the eldest I was elected to make the call. I was 33. So it was 17 years after he left us, and 13 years since the last brief encounter we'd had.

He gave me the news he had wanted us to hear and then we just sort of chatted. He knew I had recently had a baby so evidently he had been doing long distance tab keeping. Via the Internet I suppose. Said baby wanted to feed and got vocal about it, so I said I had to go. There was something sort of painfully hopeful in his voice, like he was waiting to see if I would ask if I could ring him again. Whereas I was hoping he would ask for my number.

But he didn't. And I couldn't be the one to do all the running. Not again.

It's only recently I have had more context to wrap around the sense I got from that call and come to tentatively believe there may have been some regret.

We were sent a link to an obit for him this February. It said he died in Nov. When I called the person who wrote it she was really shocked to discover he had children. She went really quiet and it was almost like she was talking to herself, something about "...ahh..... he always did have this air of sadness about him".

Part of me perceives that as evidence of regret.

Part of me thinks I am making things up out of thin air because I want to believe it's true. Part of thinks it doesn't matter either way. Because it's too late if he is dead. Part of me is furious in case it is true and he just sat with his sad bag of regret, sighing deeply and feeling sorry for himself instead of doing something with it. Becuase it's not like we haven't left crumbs all over the net for him should he want to find us.

There was a time when I would have taken pleasure from knowing he had regrets. And thought, good, hopes it hurts at least as badly as we hurt when you walked away from us. I thought I wanted validation. But I think what I really want is more time. And him.

I wish you well love. The first part, as I recall it, is so intensely painful. Like a kind of bewildered bereavement. I hope he has the heart and moral fibre not to let his little boys down as badly as he has let you down.

You sound kind OP. I'd be tempted to say ... if there's a problem with the kids I'll let you know..... No need to text.

As far as getting time to go out minus the kids ....I'm sure he could have sorted it out as well. Children have 2 parents ... he could have got one of the grandparents to babysit while you had a night out.
It often seems left to the mums to do.

I know money may be an issue here ..... but he's getting a one bedroom flat.. why not a 2 bedroom flat for when the kids stay overnight with him. Has he thought about that ? Are they to sleep on a sofa bed? That's the kind of thing that kids remember when they get older. It will be in their mind that home is with mum and we just sleep in the living room as dad's place.

Any child counsellor will tell you the importance of children of seperated parents, feeling comfortable in both mum and dad's. Not like when they're going to dad's they have to pack a bag ... Ideally they should have two of the essentials in both homes.

Be clear about visitation and have a proper schedule so you can get on with your life and make plans when he has the kids.

Thanks for the replies.. I'm new to here and it's helped tremendously so far!.. I am a pretty kind person.. At first I was a bit bitter but life's to short!. (Probably be a different story when he gets a girlfriend as I don't want any other woman around my kids for atleast a year!) I know if I start being off with him he won't see the kids as much (which will devastate them, they love there daddy lots) I'm hoping he will regret it one day!.. And I'm happy with someone who loves me I really thought we was happy how delusional was I lol ..

Oh and I said to him he needs a 2 bed place but he said the sofa bed will be fine

mummyof2lilboys

Oh and I said to him he needs a 2 bed place but he said the sofa bed will be fine.

^^^^
Suprise suprise. How very selfish of him. He really wants the single life.

As time goes on and the boys get older... sleeping on a sofa bed won't be such fun. He'll find that they're happy to visit and see him .... but won't be keen to sleep over on the sofa bed.

Teenagers like their privacy and staying in their own bedroom.

Anyway, it's best that he left so you can adjust your lifestyle. No point in him staying there when his heart isn't in it.

I know that feeling of wanted them to regret walking out on your family or at least hoping they will understand the magnitude of what they have done. My ex wife walked out on us for another man 100 miles up the road. Left me with a 5 month old boy and a 4 year old girl. I don't understand. She is missing out on so much and rarely see's then or makes an effort to see them. I tried to sort things out but she didn't want to. Now I don't want her back ever. She was emotionally abusive and not very good. But I did love her once. It would just be nice if one day she could just admit it was a mistake or at least say sorry for all the hurt she caused the kids, me and both our families.

Awww I'm sorry and as a women I really can't see how a mother could walk out on her kids! Disgusting!.. How long ago was it?

About 9 months ago. I have bought a new family home for us all. The kids are settled and we are very happy. So that's the most important thing.

Why is it different for a woman ? God knows I've considered it plenty of times when the goings got tough.

Both are equally bad! Just saying from a mothers perspective I find that hard to think a mother could do that!..