Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any single parents on here?? Needing some inspiration!

54 replies

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 20:45

I have posted on single parents but no joy.....
Just wondering what you lovely single mums (or dads) do in the evening or weekends? I go to bed at the same time as my DC's because I'm fed up of my own company and just completely shattered. My weekend is busy catching up with housework washing ironing and food shopping. I try to do something with my DC's on one of the days on the weekend but it's non stop! Lately I have found myself having a mini melt down whilst I fold the fourth load of washing or when I'm washing up for the 10th time. I'm actually feeling sorry for myself and really I have absolutely nothing to be upset about. I just sometimes would so appreciate someone making me a cup of tea.
Does anyone else get days like this? I can't seem to kick it and have been like it for about 2 months....

OP posts:
gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:35

Well done doodle Smile I try to run when I can. I could never keep up with the housework and do a dvd so well done you. I'm absolutely shattered by 8!

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikesflowers · 15/05/2016 21:35

Are there any Parkruns near you? Could do with the kids?

The evenings are pretty rubbish though, I tend to have the same routine of tidying up, mumsnet, tv, hot chocolate and then bed Blush

iemma321q · 15/05/2016 21:35

Is there anyway your ex could have the dc overnight occasionally?

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:37

Hamiltons - Aw I understand how you feel. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I think we have to experience these things to help us make better choices next time. Iv always found the summer months harder as everyone has plans. Thankyou for your reply Smile

OP posts:
ChocolateChangesEverything · 15/05/2016 21:38

Sorry you are stuck in this phase at the mo Wine I'll join you in a wine.

I joined a gym that has a kids Creche, buying me some time alone out of the house was brilliant. Sometimes I don't even make it to the gym and might just have a cup of tea in cafe but it is a change of scene.

When I do make it to the gym I feel SO much better for it. I've lost weight and toned up and in general have much more energy.

Just remember it is a phase, it will end. And I also like to remind myself of some of my friends difficult/loveless marriages. Things are never as wonderful as they seem from the outside. I was the loneliest I've ever been when I was married to my ExH.

Hang in there. Book a holiday if you can - something to look forward to

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:39

Girliefriend - funny you should say that. I'm going to my first on Saturday Smile
Yep, same!

OP posts:
gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:40

Iemma - no he sees them every other Sunday for 6 hours and that's all he will see them. He won't help out with absolutely anything. I have given up asking him as it's so so sad for my dc's

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 15/05/2016 21:40

I have about 3 hours to myself in the evenings. I also have one day off in the week when I catch up with all the housework, shopping etc. I also have a few hours on Saturday when dd goes to her classes. So, I have some free time to fill. I mostly spend that time on my creative hobbies but also I potter, spend quite a bit of time on the internet, I see friends, I watch films and documentaries, I make lists and spreadsheets so that my life is very organised. I love my free time and I wish I had more of it.

If you can find something you really like doing then challenge yourself to master it; that can give real fulfillment and fill up the free time you have.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 15/05/2016 21:43

I was a single parent for 7 years, I totally get what you are at. It's just the energy to try and move things from 'survival' mode isn't it?

I also did the staying up after the kids for 'me' time - it resulted in me feeling even more tired. I did the trying to be a bit more social, getting Ex to 'babysit' took ages and then faced with a load of couples for dinner... God it's hard!

But, eventually, I did move myself into a position of having regular time out and reduced my working hours. I have been penniless ever since, and had to enlist family and friends, even co shared with another single parent for a while (that was wonderful, we both gave each other time off) - I basically prioritised getting back into some kind of world, and gave up a lot to do it. And it worked!

I had more energy because I worked less for my kids, I did more with them that was fun as I could do some of the housework during the days I was off. I eventually met a lot of people who were not couples, a whole new bunch of friends. And I started actually taking care of myself, going to the hairdressers and bought new clothes (well a few, money was tight!). Never looked back!

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:45

Thankyou Chocolate Smile
I understand that feeling of being in a lonely marriage.I only miss what should of been! I always have that guilt that the girls have only me though.
Maybe I will try the gym again and ask what other activities they have on for the girls they're a little bored of swimming now.
I do remind myself alot of that. I just have occasions where I think oh I'd live a bunch of flowers, a cup of tea or breakfast in bed haha! I would love a hol but just can't afford one.

OP posts:
gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:49

Namechanger - I'm definitely going to try. Maybe I'm in a rut and need to push myself. Just tired all of the time. Definitely going to try though

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikesflowers · 15/05/2016 21:51

I try and do some sort of exercise with dd who is 10yo so we sometimes do the jnr Parkrun, sometimes swimming, sometimes take the bikes out etc.

I get no child free time at all other than when she is at school but I am usually at work then Hmm we have joined a wildlife watch group which meets up at wends and last night we went on a bat watch Grin

gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:52

Bananas - it's so so hard.
I'm a full time student and work part time. I'm actually considering not working and living off my bursary. Money will be super tight. I will have to find fun things to do that dont cost. I'm glad you have found new friends. I'm not sure how to make new ones in the same position as me especially as I'm approaching 40 in a year 🙈

OP posts:
gemsangels123 · 15/05/2016 21:53

Aw that sounds fun girliefriend Smile
I'm feeling lots better from all your lovely messages Smile

OP posts:
funnychops · 15/05/2016 22:28

Yes OP OkCupid and Bumble are both completely free, go for it.

ChocolateChangesEverything · 15/05/2016 22:29

How do people meet other single mums? I feel it would be a good thing to do but don't know where to start! Someone mentioned Gingerbread to me but not looked online yet.. That may have some answers for us I guess??

funnychops · 15/05/2016 22:29

Have you tried the local threads on here for a MN meet up?

funnychops · 15/05/2016 22:32

Bumble also has a BFF mode where you can search for friendships with other women your age in your area so not necessarily just romances.

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 15/05/2016 22:56

I'm older than you OP, so there is hope!

New friends - by joining groups, well trying a LOT out, and seeing which one felt good. I had to try quite a few, and then stick with them and talk to everyone and become a fun people person. Took a while, basically finding my humour again and listening to a lot of different people.

Left · 15/05/2016 22:57

What year are you in at Uni Gems?

I did a degree as a single mum and it was really tough socially... I didn't really make many friends as I couldn't socialise in the evenings like the others. Since finishing I've made more friends through work, which has been fab.

I still find myself flopping in front of TV like a zombie though so will be watching thread for inspiration

ChocolateChangesEverything · 15/05/2016 23:09

Thanks funny

Also op Do you have relatives somewhere or old friends you could just do a weekend away somewhere? Cheaper than a hol I find a change of scene really recharges my attitude Smile

gemsangels123 · 16/05/2016 07:26

Morning Smile
Thanks for all new posts Smile

Havnt looked at meet up yet. Will do later, thanks.
I have joined a slimming group but the ages are much older. Lovely ladies though. Need to shift a couple of stone.
Nobody really spoke at the gym. Cancelled my membership as I wasn't able to use it and run better on the roads. It was getting too pricey anyway.
I'm a first year nursing student. I have met a couple of friends but they're busy on weekends with husbands and dc's. To be honest I don't have old friends. My mum lives close but is busy busy all of the time.
I live in a small town and my plan is to move when I (hopefully) qualify. Lots of bad memories here and the ex and his gf live just around the corner.
I wished I'd collected the sun vouchers now. Yes, could do with a change in scenery. I might price a hol up but was thinking about cutting back hours to concentrate on degree and dc's. I will have a think. I wish I had the courage to camp as it's cheaper but couldn't possibly put up a tent.
What kinda groups do you suggest?
Thanks everyone for your messages Smile

OP posts:
Baconyum · 16/05/2016 07:46

I've made friends through meetup (theatre, am dram and various hobby groups).

I was a student & lp when dd was little, I was lucky to meet my bff at the same time, she was also a student and we reciprocated babysitting for each other which helped. Younger students babysat for me in return for other favours other than payment (as they understood I was skint) so they'd get a 2 course dinner that night, or I'd give them lifts and help with getting groceries or to train station when they were heading home in holidays as I had a car and drove and they didn't, or proofreading etc. A sort of trade of skills. Also meant I could go out on the cheap student nights. Depending on your uni, they might have groups aimed at LP or stuff that happens in the daytime? I went to a meditation lunchtime group among other things.

Currently also living in a small town where I knew nobody at first, have recently started at a choir which I'm enjoying.

At home I do cross stitch, adult colouring, knitting, crosswords, sudoku.

Definitely good for dc to do things for you, part of growing up to realise the universe does not revolve around their needs! I'm lucky that dd quite enjoys helping out including having an interest in cooking. She's 15 now but since around 10 she's been learning to cook/bake she makes a mean chilli!

And yes, this won't last...next thing you know you'll be like me wondering why you CBA to socialise despite having a child free night as they're away on a sleepover. Nothing wrong with relaxing with a wee drink and Netflix though.

MrsBertBibby · 16/05/2016 07:56

Is there a reason they don't have overnights with their dad? Biggest step towards dating is reliable free nights.

Also, can you get them to start helping you with housework? I finally got my son to help with unloding the dishwasher and although he moaned like hell, he clearly also feels good about himself doing it.

Baconyum · 16/05/2016 08:53

Op has said ex refuses to have dc more than a few hours.