one night stand with ex partner who happens to be my closest friend, but is also in a new relationship.

[alwaysinamuddle]

I don't know if I'm posting in the right place, or anything so apologies if I've got this wrong, I'm new here.
To cut a very long story as short as possible, myself and and now ex-partner split in February. We've kept an amazing friendship and things have seemed great.
Or they did until the weekend. On a very rare night out we both had a little too much to drink and I spent the night at his as I'd drank too much to drive. We ended up having sex, and now I'm guilt ridden as he has a new girlfriend.
I want to tell her but I know that wouldn't benefit any of us, so I'm here to ask, what would you all recommend?

So, I sent a message to the ex...
"Hi "Ex", I'm sorry that this isn't face to face, but I didn't want to wait longer than necessary to address the issue. After last weekend I think it's best we have as limited contact as possible for a while, and avoid spending time together unless the situation cannot be avoided when mutual friends ask us both to attend events. I'm sorry if you don't agree, but for the sake of my sanity, and your relationship I think this is for the best."

That was this morning. I've just had what I would deem quite a shitty reply and now I'm a blubbering wreck and in need of...something, to make this feel better than it does right now.

" alwaysinamuddle, I think thats a harsh and honestly stupid suggestion. Theres no reason that we cant see eachother. Youre being ridiculous if you think cutting me out is a good idea, look at whats happened in the past your too weak to be without me. Lets face it, you eont get better than me, and to shut me off based on one silly mistake is damaging everything for nothing".

AIBU to think he's trying to manipulate me into changing my mind? Or is he just voicing an opinion?

God, he's a nasty bastard. That reply is AWFUL. He calls you "too weak to be without him" and says you won't get better than him?!

HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.

You need to block him. I'm serious.

I also meant to say that he actually sounds abusive.
signs of emotional abuse

What a dick he is. Arrogant, self-centred and taking advantage of your vulnerability to manipulate you. I know you have feelings for him but he is not a nice man and not worthy of supporting you though your upcoming court case. Why won't he respect your boundaries? How would he feel if the tables were turned?

I would recommend you block and delete this man, it is lucky you do not have any ties with him. Your new life starts now - cut him out, like ripping off a plaster.

What a twat. He has a very high opinion of himself, doesn't he?

Prove him wrong. You are not too weak without him and you can do better than him. Nasty, arrogant, cheating git.

Do not reply, by the way.

I think your 'amazing friendship' has been revealed for what it is - he likes the thrill of still being able to have you dangling. You fell for it even though he has a GF. I would tell the GF too. And then use the strength of seeing the realities of how awful and messy the situation is to free yourself.

I had turned off my phone but I'm so angry about his email that I had to turn it back on! I just wanted to say that he is WRONG. Your suggestion was NOT stupid or ridiculous or silly, it was very sensible. You are NOT weak, you're very strong. And you can do a LOT better than him!

Fucking helll, he sounds abusive

Errr, one of you did use contraception, yeah ?

Hear hear, anotheremma!

Always, you can do better than this.

He is no friend

Wow, what a nasty cunt

Morning ladies. I haven't replied at all, and I blocked him on every platform I could possibly do so on.
AnyFucker I'm on the Depo injection, and I'm booked in for a full screening to check I haven't caught anything.
I'd love to be able to say this isn't the man I knew but the more I read the article AnotherEmma posted, the more I realise I was just being blind, and it's taken all of this for me to see.

I think you'll find you CAN stand on your own two feet
How dare he?
I hope his message has fired up a 'fuck you I'll show you' attitude in you.

It definitely has. I'm furious that he thinks he can try and play on my fears to stay in my life...

What a horrible man !

You've dodged a bullet there

I agree with all the recent posters. He sounds like an epic tool & should be avoided

Well done for ignoring and blocking him

Have you ever been in touch with NAPAC? They have a helpline and support group for adult survivors of abuse in childhood. I'm just thinking they would be a good source of support for you through the court case.

There is also the Freedom Programme which would help you understand the differences between abusive and healthy relationships, and avoid twats like this guy in future.

I hadn't been told about NAPAC, i'll sit this evening and see if there's someone I can contact and see if they can help at all.
I'll look at the Freedom Project too, I think I need it if I'm honest. I lost a lot of friends because he told me they weren't good for me, I'm having a serious rethink now though.

Thank you anotheremma you've gone above and beyond what you needed to, I'm so grateful

He's a horror!

So glad you've had good advice and been strong enough to block him.

You're welcome. You sound lovely and you deserve lots of support and good friends