Seeking women advice on what just happened to my relationship!?

[Freddie2010]

Hi folks,

Okay so I am a guy on Mumsnet seeking advice from a female perspective on what on earth has just happened to the relationship I was having with an amazing lady...

So for context...6 weeks ago I met the most fun and dynamic lady I have ever known. She is a major ex party girl but who now has 2 kids and the normal responsibilities of every day life. Even with all this she is easily the most attractive, positive and engaging woman I have ever met. Anyway, we met online and we hit it off big time. When we met it person it only continued and over the next 5 weeks we saw each other and communicated non-stop. To my mind it all went quite deep quite quickly but we both have other commitments so tried to keep it at the right level, recognising we both have busy lives involves kids. Anyway, her sexting and pictures she sent me daily were like, well, quite over the top I thought considering we are both in early 40s and its something the kids in their 20s do. Granted, we both have a habit of working out a lot so her pictures were very easy on the eye to say the least! Anyway, her messages made it clear she was up for a relationship and we were talking about plans for seeing each other months ahead from now.

And then after staying over at her house for the first time and having an amazing weekend away together 10 days ago she did a complete U turn. In the space of 4 days she became distant and very little communication. Yesterday I then got the "I'm not sure what I want and need space" line. Well by my age and experience every guy knows what that means - Its polite for Cheerio. Now I never pressured her at all, I never asked her to do anything rash or crazy, I know we were attracted to each other even last time we met.... so to my mind I am at a complete loss what on earth has just happened? Now I know she has her kids and a nasty separated husband floating around in the background but really!? After coming on so strong for weeks and weeks and then giving me the I need space line? If anything she came on stronger than me...did she frighten herself away?!?! I did meet her online so is she just a complete player?

As I say we were only together 6 weeks, all of which were amazing, but it was so short I am sure I will survive being naturally secure in myself. However, I really liked this lady and am completely confused what on earth has just happened? Any ladies got any insights or thoughts I would love to hear them :D

Thanks for reading
Freddie

Maybe you slurped your breakfast? Or chewed your yoghurt?
Maybe you left the seat up and she didn't like it?
Maybe you didn't put your dirty mug in the dishwasher?
Maybe you only sleep with the window closed, but she only sleeps with it open?
Maybe you talk in your sleep?
Maybe she isn't ready to commit to a relationship yet?
Maybe millions of things.
You'll only know by asking her, not by asking us.

I have to wonder if it was because you described a person as 'dynamic'? Bit cheesy...

Did you do a thumbs up when you left?

I would suggest you take things a bit more slowly with any new dates. The sexting would send me running .
You have to accept that a lot of the romance was built up before you met. I take it this was someone you met online.
Most new relationships start out as being promising.
Just chalk it down to experience.

Got to say...small penis or not I knew what to do with it because she was still grinning like a Cheshire cat when I left

The problem wasn't in the bedroom, that is one of the few things I am sure about.

Me and my now husband split up ten years ago for two years pre marriage.

During that time I was in a few different relationships of a month to three months and one of eleven months. I'd start seeing someone and be really into them quickly but it was just list. Then id go off them really quickly and they'd still be into me and I'd start finding them suffocating and creepy as their feelings were growing as fast as mine were going.

I feel really bad about it now and in hindsight I realise it was because I was still in love with my husband (not saying this is true of the woman you were seeing tho) and was looking to try find something the same with someone else and it never happened so I'd move on.

There was one person I really liked and then we slept together and it ended after that as it was not a good experience.

It could be anything and if she's not willing to give you further info I wouldn't waste any more of your time going over it.

*lust

Exasperated - the scenario you describe is credible for my case. I am not wholly convinced she was either fully separated or 'over' her ex-man.

As a number of people have said - who knows. More interested in the learnings to take from this experience and those are that I need to take it slower.

As you say not wasting any more time over it - I'm heading down the road

I once ended things with a guy as he had awful breath. I couldn't bear to tell him so ended it pretty early on while dating.

Yeah Freddie that's definitely the best thing to do. Take it slow and be wary of people wanting to rush things. Although I'd probably not spend too much time texting and messaging. I have never done ol dating but have read on here loads that it's best to meet up relatively early on for a coffee to see if theres an attraction there before you delude yourself into thinking there is sending loads of messages back and forward to only meet up and realise there actually isn't.

Sheesh, I'd like to draw your attention to the horse's mouth; "I'm not sure what I want and need space"

Why on earth do you need any more than this as an explanation?

This was yesterday... Just take her at her word and decide whether you are willing to give her space or you want to move on.

It's hardly a relationship, you are v early dating. It was intense on both sides, rushed on both sides and she might just have simply been being honest with you.

Sometimes the simplest answer is the truth.

I don't like the idea of preferring a 'female perspective' from strange people over the Internet to what she actually told you herself when it was yesterday you got the text, you met online and you've been seeing her 6 weeks - you have no idea who she is really to be casting aspersions like she has 'ruthlessly used' you...

Bin her off and forget about her. You're the prize not her.

I dumped someone after about 6 weeks who I am sure thought things were going swimmingly.
We went away for a weekend together and he was utterly incapable of making a decision, defaulting to me on everything.
I wanted to scream at him "what do you want to do?" by the end. But I was still attentive and polite.
I just told him I didn't feel "the spark". I don't think he had any idea how badly the weekend had gone, for me.
He's not a bad person btw, just not for me.
2:1 says you just weren't right for her for whatever reason, no drama.