He left me

[NFmama]

I'm well prepared to get flamed here but I'm sensitive and upset so please don't be too harsh :(

I've been seeing a guy who is actually an old friend for about a year now, it's long distance and was supposed to be until he moved up this summer. We happened to be talking about drugs and he said all people who take drugs are scum. Just because I like a conversation, I asked if he meant all drugs, and he said yes. I mentioned that I'd smoked weed in the past and he said, 'but you haven't smoked it since you met me.'

I admitted that at the very beginning of the year, when the kids were staying out, I'd had one spliff just because I'd been feeling very low. He went mental, he says our whole relationship is a lie. He says the woman he fell in love with is strong and selfless and with this admission I've proved I'm neither.

He says the trust is gone, he'll never love me again. I'm completely stunned. It wasn't my finest hour but it was once and I'd never do it again, especially as I know how much it upsets him. Also if I'd known he was this strongly opposed I never would have done it. Anyway, he says he can no longer trust or respect me and that I'm not a good mother. He also said I've proved I'm a weak person.

I didn't think one spliff was the crime of the century, and I would never endanger my children. I don't smoke, I don't even drink when they're in the house incase I need to drive them somewhere in an emergency. I'm not sure what I want anyone to say, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Not sure how it's that easy to get your hands on a spliff, just when feeling at a low ebb. You make it sound like you just happened to have one to hand there, maybe you did, perhaps you have contacts to hand. Not trying to judge, had some in my youth, easy in student circles. Just made me titter a bit at the ease, whereas in reality it's not that simple to just happen upon it, and doubtless there was some forward planning to have some to hand when the kids were out. But so what, it's about as damaging as drinking while smoking a cigarette - not that that would be a great regular thing to do, but many would not balk at it as a one off, while viewing a one off spliff as a worse thing for some reason.
I suspect with time you mind will come across other instances, where your thoughts have done a 'double take' at things he has done and said. It's odd behaviour he is displaying. If you drop contact and accept it's over with grace, he may come to a realisation himself that he has been OTT. If he doesn't, then you are definitely better off with him being out of your life. Nobody should put a person on such a pedestal as he has, it's very emotionally immature of him, unrealistic and is likely to set him up for disappointment throughout his life.

For those getting all judgy about marijuana, it is a recognized legal drug in many (more enlightened?) parts of the world, and there is much case for it to be legalised in the UK in the near future too.

It's been a huge success in Colorado: www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2016/02/21/from-colorado-glimpse-life-after-marijuana-legalization/rcccuzhMDWV74UC4IxXIYJ/story.html

Doing away with any criminal element will be a huge improvement for many people and society at large. Legalise and tax it!

I wouldn't want to date someone who smoked weed to wind down and promises never to do it again wouldn't change my mind. However, his persistent abusive language is a red flag and you should block him immediately.

Text him saying 'And I'm sorry I've wasted my time thinking you were a good friend'. Then block him.

You've definitely dodged a bullet - at the very least he sounds like a controlling man with a temper, who I'm sure would have shown himself eventually. I'm glad he's shown himself now (although it is horribly for you to go through this, losing your hopes/dreams of a loving relationship) as you have saved yourself possibly years of grief.

Comfort yourself with the knowledge that had he come to live with you he would have put you through this kind of nastiness on a regular basis. And you might have felt trapped into accepting it. See this as a fortunate near miss and find someone genuinely nice.

Other countries doing things does not make the thing ok. If cigarettes and alcohol were newly created they would likely not be classed as a legal things to do today. There is, rightly you could argue, a responsibility for the state to attempt to dissuade people in large numbers from doing anything that can damage health, be it having an unhealthy diet or not doing enough exercise.
Doubtless there would be mutiny if prohibition came back, once the genie is out ie. alcohol and cigarettes being legal, it's impossible to put it back in the bottle and make it illegal again. What I'm saying is legalising marijuana, on the basis that well, it is legal elsewhere, is irrelevant when striving for better health for a population. If you want the most number of people to avoid doing something harmful, but has attraction by its affects, then keeping it illegal is the only way to do it, as, in the reality, humans are programmed to repeat thing that are pleasurable, whether they are bad for us or not, so other constraints are required.
Success depends on what you are measuring, if you want less crime, sure, if you want better general health, that's not going to improve successfully by smoking cannabis, or anything else is it? Its a case of picking the things to improve in life, you pick yours, I'll pick mine, no judgment here, enlightenment does not come into it, they made a different choice is all. Only time will show who's right.

Controlling Bellend - get rid.

I think drugs are pretty shit too and I don't want to socialise with people on them , but what people get up to behind their own closed doors is up to them.

"and proved a weakness in me."

Well, heaven forbid you should be a human who has moments of weakness!