Upset that DH's friends' wives were bitchy to me on night out

[SparklyKitten]

We went out last night with two of DH's friends, their wives, plus two other couples that they are friends with that DH and I hadn't met before.

His friends' wives are very good friends and see each other all the time. We see them occasionally.

I just felt that through the whole night out, the wives and the two other wives from the couples that we hadn't met before were really bitchy towards me. They all see each other regularly and have children at the same school etc, so it's understandable that they are all friendlier to each other to an extent, but all four women were just totally unreceptive to having me join them for the evening (we had a meal, the men sat together at one end of the table, the women at the other). When we first arrived they were all chatting away and although I tried to join in, I was met with one word answers from all four of them, or if I said anything they'd all just look at me. The two that I hadn't met before showed no interest at all in having even the briefest of conversation with me, despite me trying and trying.

Then one of DH's friends' wives said to me "Ooh, nice dress, Sparkly" in a really sarcastic tone and the others all laughed loudly. And it just carried on throughout the evening really; lots of in jokes between the four of them, lots of laughing at each other, lots of one word answers to me, and just ignoring me or looking at me if I tried to join in. I think they resented the fact that I was there. Oh and when we initially went to sit down at the table, they all kept moving away from the chair next to me and trying to sit at other ones, as if sitting next to me was the short straw.

I feel really upset about it all. I could never be so rude to someone to just ignore them even if I'd never met them before. I like to get to know people and to chat.

DH, of course, didn't notice any of it as he was with the blokes, and I feel like there's nothing I can specifically put my finger on and say "they did this", and nothing I could have challenged them on. I just felt really unwelcome and like I was in a playground surrounded by bitches.

:(

But I, not buying

What an awful night you've obviously had Sparkly. There is no justification for such rudeness. It all sounds very childish and bad mannered.

Do tell your DH and opt out next time. If asked why he can tell them that you're out with your friends.

Bitches. I had a night out with DHs work friends and their wives, was chatting to one of the wives and afterwards the others came and suggested that I shouldn't bother with the much nicer other wife. I was . we are all adults and I can speak to who I like but the ringleader was controlling all the others. V insecure. I suspect jealousy usually has a part to play in these situations. The 'excluded' wife was extremely happy with her relationship and very much in love. Queen bitch turned out to be having an affair with one of the other husbands and most of them were divorced within a year. not sure why anyone wanted to speak to me, the drunk idiot who was overly friendly to everyone shouldn't have fitted in

I imagine these women bitch about whoever isn't in their circle at any time, you just happened to be the victim. They're probably too scared to go to the toilet alone in case they get bitched about when away. Just leave then with their industrial tena lady's and don't meet them again.

Although if I was a bitch....I would chat up a storm to the blokes and laugh at all their pathetic jokes just to wind the bitches up.

Both men and women can be nice or nasty but I have never experienced passive aggressiveness from men. They tend to be direct and out and out arseholes. So sometimes when posters write they get on with men better I wonder if they are referring to that kind of situation.

I worked in an almost all male environment for six years and they would say stuff directly to each other like don't be such a wanker etc. One of the technicians played a practical joke on me once so I told him exactly what I thought of him for doing that at my expense. I suppose people would class a lot of that as the dreaded banter and its disapproved of on MN.

They were exceptionally rude, for starters the gender divide down the table is just fucking weird and harks back to men going off to smoke cigars and talk about important stuff and leaving the women alone. I would have said something like people are joking that we sex segregate, it's not frigging Downton Abbey.

I'm way beyond putting up with shit like that woman's sarcastic remark about your dress. Because their behaviour was so shit and I would know I wouldn't want to see them again I would have given it back.

Piemernator, I have seen PA behaviour from men sadly. Two ex friends of DH. The ringleader was cheating on his wife and lusting after other women, friend 2 would talk about women he fancied and how ugly his wife was (!!!), unfortunately DH would just talk about me in glowing terms! DH didn't see them for a few days (he lent friend 2 a small amount of cash and friend 1 asked for £10k or he'd lose his house - WTAF?!) and they both blanked him but we're chatting away as nice as pie to each other. DH has now fucked them both off

So yeah, men can be bitches too.

Ive only ever once taken on a 'mean girl' bitch but it was one my proudest moments ever.
She was the wife of one of DP's colleagues and is a complete narcissistic, controlling, paranoid, nasty, two faced bitch. She makes a point of claiming friends and being the most popular - she's 'Wendied' quite a few people. She befriends people, makes herself very important in their life then slowly begins playing them all off against each other. She did this to everyone in this particular friendship group, she makes shit up, bitches about everyone individually then starts slowly fazing one of them out and doing stuff like inviting everyone out but not that one person and getting everyone to snub them for a few months. The one being picked on is usually hurt/confused/and paranoid about what's going on. Then suddenly she'll make friends again and start on one of the others. Everyone is terrified of her and desperate to be her friend, so they all follow her lead - it's bizarre. I've seen her go off at one of her friends before and she was so aggressive and like a playground bully. So no one ever stands up to her.
Safe to say I've never been close to her - always had the impression she intensely disliked me but I was flavour of the month once and she was extremely nice to me and wanting to spend lots of time with me etc. Then it was flicked off again like a light switch.
Anyway, DP got a new job so he had a leaving do which is the last time i ever saw her. She was bitching all night about one of the group whenever the woman went to the bar or the loo. Then nice to her face. She then organised a night out in front of all of us and invited everyone except me and this other woman. It was nastily and obviously done. Someone said they couldn't do it X weekend as they were supposed to go to in-laws for a big party. She said 'oh don't be a fake bitch, you don't even like in-laws' or something to that effect. I'd had enough by this point and wanted to leave, I got my coat, finished my drink and leaned over the table, I patted her shoulder and said (loudly) "Well we all know who the biggest, fakest bitch is at this table, don't we?"
Gave her a big smile and walked out the door, blocked her on FB and never spoke to any of them ever again. Her face was

Sorry for the ramble, but my point is, being friends with people like this is misery because they are not normal people and they're not true friends. I'm happier having 5 less friends now than having to listen to and deal with the bitching and the drama. Fuck them, OP.

I can't stand all that "men at one end, wimmin at the other" shite. That was your first clue.

And your DH was a bit of an arse not to notice what was going on.

Feck that is brilliant!

Well played, Feck, must have been satisfying as fuck!

It was satisfying! Disclaimer - I'm not the type at all for arguments and confrontations and I'm not usually catty but I had had a lot to drink by this point and as DP was leaving his job and we were moving I knew I wouldn't have to see her again (saw her regularly before due to DP's work events and functions) therefore I had that moment where you no longer give a fuck.

I have a couple of lovely, small groups of female friends and Queen Bitch's behaviour is so the opposite to what I'm used to.

I went home then (about 1am) and texted DP to tell him I was drunk so was going home and would see him when he got home. He stayed out for a couple more hours but had no idea that this had happened as he was at the bar most of the night with a couple of his friends. Turns out I had clearly rattled her cage as she later started on him in front of everyone (after a few more ) over nothing, for no reason and made an absolute tit of herself by all accounts. He got home wondering wtf he had done wrong, only when I told him the next morning what she'd been like and what I'd said that he concluded she is just an insane bitch. We had a right good laugh over it all in the morning glad to be free of the psycho. He no longer hears from her DH either so I think it's safe to say we're off the Christmas card list

I don't buy into the notion that just because a woman or group of women doesn't appear to like you that it means they are 'jealous'. That's something a mother will say to her young daughter about mean girls at school. It's not relevant as an adult.

I don't think it's anything about you, OP, they are just a group of women who see other women as interlopers and don't want them in the 'group'. That's unkind because they should have made the effort to include you. They didn't and that's rude.

I'm baffled at the poster who suggested that you show your husband this thread so that he doesn't put you through it again... BAFFLED! You're an adult, just tell your husband that you don't want to do a couple night with these friends again and go out with your own friends. It's a sad fact of life that couple friends do not always get on just because one of the couple is close friends with the other. Don't take it personally, it's nothing to do with you or how nice you are, it's them, they're exclusive and want to be that way. Rude.

I have had this, at a bbq all the men were outside all the women inside. Everytime I spoke I was ignored or had an eyebrow raised at me as if I was a naughty child. I ended up going outside and speaking to the men, it feels crap sorry you had to go through it I refuse to go to this couples house, and she always looks sej

I have had similar experiences in the past, now, as soon as I get a whiff of the wives/partners being bitchy I go and sit with the blokes. Won't let them stop me going out, but I just ignore the women (which irritates them no end