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Original poster

Upset that DH's friends' wives were bitchy to me on night out

64 replies

SparklyKitten · 07/05/2016 23:18

We went out last night with two of DH's friends, their wives, plus two other couples that they are friends with that DH and I hadn't met before.

His friends' wives are very good friends and see each other all the time. We see them occasionally.

I just felt that through the whole night out, the wives and the two other wives from the couples that we hadn't met before were really bitchy towards me. They all see each other regularly and have children at the same school etc, so it's understandable that they are all friendlier to each other to an extent, but all four women were just totally unreceptive to having me join them for the evening (we had a meal, the men sat together at one end of the table, the women at the other). When we first arrived they were all chatting away and although I tried to join in, I was met with one word answers from all four of them, or if I said anything they'd all just look at me. The two that I hadn't met before showed no interest at all in having even the briefest of conversation with me, despite me trying and trying.

Then one of DH's friends' wives said to me "Ooh, nice dress, Sparkly" in a really sarcastic tone and the others all laughed loudly. And it just carried on throughout the evening really; lots of in jokes between the four of them, lots of laughing at each other, lots of one word answers to me, and just ignoring me or looking at me if I tried to join in. I think they resented the fact that I was there. Oh and when we initially went to sit down at the table, they all kept moving away from the chair next to me and trying to sit at other ones, as if sitting next to me was the short straw.

I feel really upset about it all. I could never be so rude to someone to just ignore them even if I'd never met them before. I like to get to know people and to chat.

DH, of course, didn't notice any of it as he was with the blokes, and I feel like there's nothing I can specifically put my finger on and say "they did this", and nothing I could have challenged them on. I just felt really unwelcome and like I was in a playground surrounded by bitches.

OP posts:

imwithspud · 08/05/2016 00:08

Awful, if it were me I definitely wouldn't want to socialise with them again. That sort of bitchy playground behaviour would totally put me off and knock my confidence.

Errata · 08/05/2016 00:11

Quite apart from the fact that they were awful, those kind of sex-segregated evenings are incredibly weird and retrograde.

Original poster

SparklyKitten · 08/05/2016 00:13

Thank you everyone! :-)

I definitely won't be socialising with any of them again. I think I'm annoyed with myself more than anything for letting them treat me like that, however I felt a bit powerless as obviously I didn't want to cause a scene, or do anything to piss off DH's friends or make things awkward for him.

At the moment I'll just blank each and every one of those women if I bump into them anywhere....

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 08/05/2016 00:15

How horrible for you. How horrible of them.

Thoughtless and selfish of your H not to check you were OK at any point during the evening and just carry on enjoying himself with his mates.

I wouldn't have anything to do with this nasty bunch ever again.

Floggingmolly · 08/05/2016 00:20

They were threatened by you, the silly cows. You must be gorgeous

Memunchiesanomanomnom · 08/05/2016 00:26

Jealousy is such an ugly trait. My guess is that you looked stunning and they were all jealous. They sound like a bunch of immature, insecure pathetic morons.

"Next time accept their invitation, turn up looking fabulous, swan in, then say "oh god I didn't realise we were going out with them! No, sorry darling, I love you, but I can't sit through another meal with THEM." And turn on your heals and walk out."

MsBojangles · 08/05/2016 00:32

I've experienced similar before it's bloody horrible. Blokes never cop on to it unless it's something really obvious but low level 'freezing', forget it.

Refuse to go anywhere near them again, or if you absolutely have to then take one of your friends along too, even the balance somewhat.

Originalfoogirl · 08/05/2016 00:38

Oh I'd have bloody caused a scene! That bit with the dress would have had me telling them to fuck right off, and saying I was off. Mr Foo would have been told "you can stay here with your mates if you want to, but I'm not spending a moment more with these sour faced bitches"

I might also have made some comment to their husbands about how I felt sorry for them having to live with such small minded, vacuous airheads with such shitty attitudes and advised them never to pro-create,

But then, I'm never one to sit back and take it. Which often isn't a good idea!

Any wonder most of my friends are blokes 😄

TheVeganVagina · 08/05/2016 00:49

What immature disgusting behaviour from them. I actually feel sorry for women like that. Imagine being so immature and socially inept that you dont know how to act when a different person joins the group. You are a decent, kind, evolved being who knows how to act socially.

DarkDarkNight · 08/05/2016 00:50

Girls in my school used to fight over chairs like that when I was 14, pathetic behaviour. Agree with sitting with the men if there's a next time, or tell your husband life's too short to ever see them again.

InionEile · 08/05/2016 00:52

I would have got up and moved to the guys' end of the table, saying in a loud -passive-aggressive way 'Well the conversational skills down that end of the table are pretty dire so I'm moving up here!'

They sound about 12 so YWNBU to have been upset. Are you a lot younger / thinner / richer / more successful than them or something? You definitely sound like a nicer person

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/05/2016 00:52

Any wonder most of my friends are blokes

Yeah cos men are all lovely and women are all bitches. Okaaaay.....

gleam · 08/05/2016 00:54

Sounds awful. I wouldn't have known what to say to them.
Is there any way of dealing with them at the time without being seen as the one who spoilt the evening?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/05/2016 01:00

I would have just pointed out to the whole party that they were being bitches and left. Who cares if they think you spoiled the party? A group of men who all have nasty wives are unlikely to be a very pleasant bunch either. I'd be worried about my DH's choice of friends.

MsBojangles · 08/05/2016 01:00

Yeah cos men are all lovely and women are all bitches. Okaaaay.....

Come off it, no need for that face, not everything needs to be pounced on and made into an 'issue'...

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/05/2016 01:06

Oh are you another one who only gets on with the men MsBojangles? Personally I make my friends according to personality not sex.

MsBojangles · 08/05/2016 01:16

No Tinkly, I was joking.

Originalfoogirl · 08/05/2016 01:32

Tinkly

Of course men can be a pain, but not on the cliquey bitchy level of women. I've never once had a bloke comment on my clothes or hair etc. I do have female friends, and I don't refuse to socialise with women, but more often I find I can't be doing with the kind of crap the OP had faced, which happens far more often with women than men. There's plenty of blokes I don't get on with either. I also work almost entirely with blokes, you tend to get in to their way of chatting.

LucyBabs · 08/05/2016 01:40

Sorry you had such a shit night sparkly
I can't be arsed with bitches. I was 20 the last time I ever tolerated this infantile behaviour.
I brought a very good friend with me on a night out with an exbf friends girlfriends
They whispered, laughed as my friend walked by and actively left her out of conversations.
What arseholes.. Funnily enough they dont have many friends and I'm certainly not one of them.

Rise above it and make it your business to never be in their company again..

Ellarose85 · 08/05/2016 06:04

I have been in a similar position with DHs friends partners.

I did keep going along to social things to prove a point but it got me down every time I went so I don't bother now. I have nothing to do with them and DH understands and agrees with me. It's a shame because it has impacted on DHs relationship with his friends but I did nothing wrong and neither have you OP. Don't waste your time on them anymore.

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 08/05/2016 07:04

Wow! Seriously fucked up behaviour from adults. Normals leave this shit in the school yard !

FeckOfffCup · 08/05/2016 07:25

I've met a few grown women who behave like this - and I've been in your situation OP.
People who behave like this are miserable inside, bitter, insecure childish twats.
How sad that as an adult they can't make an effort with someone not in their clique. What I have found is that they eventually turn on each other.
Honestly OP you're better off not knowing them, I'd say you're well rid actually. Don't bother with them again, and don't think it's you that's the problem. Unfortunately some people just get off on making others feel like shit

Fairylea · 08/05/2016 07:41

Wow, do men and women really segregate themselves like this on a night out?! I couldn't even get past that bit.

They all sound horrid. Poor you.

liinyo · 08/05/2016 08:00

fairylea

Hell yes! We definitely segregate on nights out- I am thinking of two groups of mates we do that with. One is 6-7 couples whose husbands were all at school together . We know the lads are going to talk about football/music/the old teachers so the women all sit together and talk about practically anything else - to the point that we often have separate girls night/weekends. That is not to say we don't also mix and mingle with the men, but on the whole I prefer a conversation that is not based on sports/ 1980s chart statistics.

The other group we do that with is a bunch of business contacts of my DH that we see regularly. All the men want to do is talk about professional matters - as boring as hell if it isn't your industry so after many years of glazing over with boredom we women have rebellled against the boy-girl-boy-girl seating arrangement and insist on girl-girl-girl where we can tallk together about our own various jobs and interests. It has lifted what were very dull business functions into thoroughly enjoyable sociable events.

I like men, some of my best friends are men, but for an entertaining evenings conversation give me women every time. But not bitches.

ipswichwitch · 08/05/2016 08:17

I've had this happen before. It was at a party with some of DH's friends (who I didn't really know). I knew it was going to be hard work when I walked in and saw men sat at one side of the room and the women at the other, and all the women just turned in unison and gave me the death stare. They all went to school together, are very cliquey, and I could see them bitching about me pretty much all night. I was sat with DH, and when one of the (rather oblivious but nice) men suggested I go sit with the women as they were all talking about football, DH piped up with "oh no she's fine, Ipswich likes football anyway", and whispered to me "I'd never leave you alone with that bunch of bitches!" It was very surreal, and I'm sure the fact I spent the night sat with and chatting to the men made them bitch about me all the more - every time I looked up at least one of them was giving me daggers.

For a laugh I'd try to strike up a conversation at the bar with them and a couple just ignored me point blank, a few just gave one word answers, and one was a bit rude about my dress. The only one that did chat a bit scuttled back to her table and I hear one of them say "what the hell are you talking to her for?!"

I'd never met them before and have no idea what I supposedly had done to deserve that, buying can do without twats in my life, so I don't go to any occasion involving just that group of people. I can't be arsed, since in not 12 any more.

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