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Relationships

Internet dating and feeling a little worried please help?

34 replies

gemsangels123 · 04/05/2016 20:30

I have posted recently about Internet dating. I have nobody else to chat to...so would appreciate a little advice as I'm a little concerned. I'm trying to be cool and not chat too much. Go with the flow. Arranged 3 dates...asked for advice on here. Chatted on WhatsApp to a couple. One in particular because he texts alot and I feel I have to respond. Now he is getting mad at me because I'm not responding immediately but I'm in work then home and don't stop until 9pm. Now he's texting asking me if I'm arranging other dates. He is getting angry. I'm just worried because I have said where I work etc. I feel silly mailing this but I'm a bit worried as he is getting angry. I agreed to a coffee date next week I just havnt got time to message all day. Also I am chatting to others as that's the whole point isn't it?

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cozietoesie · 04/05/2016 21:15

gem

I would actually have my phone switched to silent during work meetings and I wouldn't respond to any messages. If someone wanted to advise me of something, they'd have to run the gauntlet of colleagues to have a message brought to me - and it had better be darned serious.

To expect a call back right away would not only be daft it would also be downright disrespectful.

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Hissy · 04/05/2016 21:21

I've been on the dating thread.

And left it. For good reason.

Each to their own. I'm not sneering, but it's not a healthy place in my opinion.

Which counts for precisely nothing.

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gemsangels123 · 04/05/2016 21:24

I know my phone is on silent during working hours. I then get home to pick up children, cook tea etc etc. He just completely changed. It made me feel really sick. You just feel so vulnerable on your own. Where I work is huge so I'm just hoping he moves on to the next. This has made me question staying on the site. I just don't want the worry.

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cozietoesie · 04/05/2016 21:28

In a way, you can almost be glad that you recognised the problems so early. If he'd ramped it up more gradually, you might have been sucked in without quite realising what was happening.

Well done for staying alert.

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gemsangels123 · 04/05/2016 21:31

Thanks cozie
I have calmed down a bit and no messages from him in the last half hour.

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frieda909 · 04/05/2016 21:53

gems please try not to worry. No, it's not a good idea to tell people where you work but I know how easy it can be to get carried away and let things like that slip, so don't beat yourself up too much about it!

Things move very fast in online dating and he'll move on to someone else very soon, if he hasn't already.

You're right to trust your gut on this one. If he's making you feel uncomfortable then you do NOT have to meet him or even reply to him any more if you don't want to. If it were me I'd send him one final message telling him that he's made me uncomfortable and that it's not appropriate to demand immediate responses from a woman he's never even met, so you won't be responding to any messages from now on. Then I'd block him immediately to avoid being tempted to reply to any further messages from him. Out of sight, out of mind!

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gemsangels123 · 04/05/2016 21:59

Thankyou
I haven't heard anything more. If i do i will send exactly that. Went into a panic and posted. Thanks for all the kind messages. Definitely a lesson learnt here!

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frieda909 · 04/05/2016 22:10

You're very welcome. I was dating online last year and met my current boyfriend that way, so I know the feeling well! I had a similar situation with a guy who just wouldn't back off, even after I told him I was now seeing someone and was no longer interested in dating. Like yours, he started out very chatty and friendly but then things went sour when I wasn't replying quickly enough for him. I tried over and over to be polite and in the end I just had to tell him that his continued contact was upsetting me, that he was being very disrespectful and that I wouldn't be replying again. Then I blocked him and I haven't thought about him since (well, until writing this post!)

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hellsbells76 · 04/05/2016 22:17

Back in the dark ages when I was online dating I was emailing a guy who went off on one when I didn't immediately respond to his message ('I thought you were different, you're just like all the other bitches...') I told him to fuck off and blocked him.

Few months later a friend asked me round to supper with a few other friends of hers including this bloke she thought I'd get on with/fancy. Guess who? That was an awkward evening.